Tony Buzan - The Power of Social Intelligence

And Why Does It Matter?

• Does the thought of walking into a party full of total strangers fill you with dread?
• Does the idea of making small talk with your possible future in-laws leave you a gibbering wreck?
• Have you ever been introduced to a group of people, only to forget their names instantly and flounder for something to say?
• Do you want to make a good impression at a job interview, but are so nervous you can hardly speak?
• Do you wish that you could happily talk to people and make friends easily?

If any of the above scenarios has struck a chord with you, or if your Social Intelligence could do with a bit of a boost, The Power of Social Intelligence is designed to help you.

Social Intelligence is simply the degree to which we get along with and relate to other people around us. Human beings are, after all, social animals, and this ability is absolutely vital if we are to get on in life and enjoy ourselves.

Social Intelligence A Definition

Almost all of us, if we are being honest, would admit that our social skills could do with a quick polish, and there is a vast range of skills which comprise Social Intelligence.

To begin with, you need to be able to relate to people on a one-to-one basis, in small groups, to a whole roomful of people, and to even larger gatherings. You are involved in Brain-to-Brain communication. The human brain is the most complex, sophisticated and powerful organ in the known universe. To deal with one (your own!) is a hard-enough task. To deal simultaneously with large numbers of other brains successfully is surely a sign of genius!

Socially Intelligent people have to use all of the power of their own brains and bodies to communicate with and to read others. They have to acquire attitudes that encourage others to grow, create, communicate and befriend, and they have to know both how to make and to keep friends!

This massively important intelligence also involves being able to negotiate, as a skilled canoeist does, the rapids of conflict and negotiation situations, mistakes and endings.

All of these skills require that the Socially Intelligent person is a superb conversationalist and listener, able to relate successfully with the wider world. Socially Intelligent people are comfortable with others from different backgrounds, ages, cultures and social strata, and (more importantly) are able to make those people feel relaxed and comfortable around them.

Managers need Social Intelligence to do their jobs effectively. So do sales assistants, receptionists, teachers, doctors, social workers, hotel staff in fact, anyone who deals with any other people at all in the course of their day! Social IQ is one of the most important and beneficial intelligences that we can cultivate and the good news is, it can be cultivated!

Social Intelligence Strengths and Weaknesses

Take a few minutes and jot down on a large sheet of paper the areas of your life where you think that your social strengths and weaknesses lie. Make sure you consider both your home life and your work life it is amazing how many successful business and professional people find talking to people in a social setting difficult!

Possible areas of your life to think about include:

• Listening to people
• Being aware of how other people are feeling
• Selling yourself or your ideas
• Having a positive attitude towards yourself
• Having a positive attitude towards others
• Dealing with awkward or embarrassing situations gracefully
• Building good rapport with people
• Standing out in a crowd for all the right reasons!

A Cautionary Tale of Social Intelligence Part One

When I was a teenager I thought that the way to become popular was to be smart and fit. I went to parties and social events flaunting my high IQ, analysing the faults in others, getting into discussions in which I always tried to prove that my opponents were wrong and I was right, and showing off my good (but rigid!) physique.

Having been told that a high IQ and a fit body were the paths to success, I was taken aback by the number of enemies I was unintentionally making, and the lack of friendship my smart/tough/correct presence was generating.

My realization that simply winning debates was not the way to social success was helped along by my father. Once, when I had won the battle the argument and lost the war in a social situation, my father gave me a little poem that he said would help me improve my social awareness. The poem went as follows:

Here lies the body of Jonathan Grey,

Who died defending his right of way.

He was perfectly right as he sped along

But hes just as dead as if hed been wrong!

I began to look around at those who were obviously more socially successful than me. I noticed that they were doing many things that at that time were alien to me, and the opposite of what I had been taught was acceptable behaviour in my school life.

The most popular (and most happy!) people were always smiling and laughing and telling jokes (I couldnt!); they were expressive and open, helpful and considerate of others, and tended to avoid arguments. To make matters even worse for my sensitive teenage soul, they were much more relaxed, much more confident, and much more successful in attracting romance!

Gradually the light began to dawn. My IQ and muscles were not the only strengths I had to develop if I wished to be socially successful: I had to pay attention to the vitally important skills of understanding other people of interpersonal skills of Social Intelligence.

The Power of Social Intelligence will help save you the trouble of some of those unnecessary experiences I had, and bring you more rapidly the rewards that this amazing Intelligence can bring.

To survive and prosper in the maelstrom of social interactions and life, it is vital to understand and master the intricacies of this incredible intelligence. And it is not only your social life, and that of others around you that will benefit being successful socially has a fortunate, immediate and positive impact on your wealth, and on your physical well being, as the following study reveals.