Brian F. Martin - Invincible: The 10 Lies You Learn Growing Up with Domestic Violence, and the Truths to Set You Free

Over the past three decades, I have trained more than 4 million people, sharing with them many intimate details about my life. However, I have never shared the fact that I was a child of domestic violence. And, if I had not met Brian Martin, I dont know if I would have.

Brian asked to meet with me several years ago. I wanted to make time as I am always intrigued by whats behind the success of self-made individuals, and Brians business was making waves in his industry. But on the day we had scheduled, I found myself running between meetings on a short stopover in New York before flying to London, and there was simply no time. Or at least thats what I thought until my assistant called to tell me that Brian had been waiting patiently in the downstairs lobby of my hotel for the past two hours. Someone that persistent I had to meet.

As it happened, I had about an hour before the car came to take my wife, Sage, and me to the airport, so I invited Brian to come up to our suite. Immediately, it felt like we were on the same wavelength, members of the same tribeand we had more in common than we knew. We talked for a while about his company and ways that he could help me reach my goals.

As I was getting ready to leave, Brian told me about the work he was doing through his foundation CDVChildren of Domestic Violence. He pulled out a report by UNICEF, and the numbers were staggering: 1 billion people worldwide are alive today who grew up living with domestic violence. I had no idea what a global epidemic this was. It resonated with me in ways I couldnt share with him yet. Sage and I were both in tears. Until then I had never told anyone outside of my immediate family that I had been one of those kids. It was a fact I would not publicly share until my interview with Oprah in February 2012.

I didnt like to talk about it much because my childhood does not define me, but I certainly grew up living with domestic violence. Like hundreds of millions of people, Brian and I grew up in households where violence was an ongoing part of our existence. We didnt call it violence then, we just called it life. Shouting voices from down the stairs, people smashing things on the wall, a fist through a door, those who you love most hurting one another, physically and emotionally.

I was on my own by the time I was seventeen. I used to live in anger and used my rage as energy. I converted it into drive, fortunately, because just being angry wouldnt have changed anything. Instead, those childhood experiences gave me the hunger to provide for my own wife and children, and the desire to help millions whove faced a similar situation. Feeling powerless inspired me to dedicate my life and career to empowering others.

That was also Brians path, and the choice that countless others have made to reach their full potential despite their early experiences living with domestic violence. His story, and the many other stories you will read in this book, demonstrate that you dont need to start out in life with all the advantages. The difference between those who are successful and those who are not is psychological strength, emotional fitness. Its the capacity to face the worst setbacks and find something inside to push through and triumph no matter the circumstance.

In the following pages, Brian answers the question, Can a childhood filled with violence and pain be transformed into one filled with strength, love, and freedom? The simple answer is: Yes, it can! You have the power to shape the raw material of your past and mold it into the life that you want.

In fact, what appeals to me most about Brians approach is that it is based on empowerment. Our experiences as children living with domestic violence have given us the equipmenta secret weapon if you willto overcome all kinds of obstacles in our lives. What we went through, those things we faced as children have left us with vast inner reserves of strength, compassion, and courage. These are the gifts we were given in exchange for the price we paid as children. It means that we are not victims, we are victorious.

Like I have often said, your biography is not your destiny. We are not fated to repeat what happened to us ten, twenty, thirty years ago. At any moment in our lives we can choose which course we want to take. Theres no reason to be stuck in the same story. Its just a question of figuring out how to flip the script.

But first, lets look at the facts. Lets see it as it is because this is not about positive thinking, this is about the truth.