J. Todd Billings - Rejoicing in Lament: Wrestling with Incurable Cancer and Life in Christ

Before my blood cancer diagnosis in September 2012, I never anticipated that I would write a book like this. This book was written during various stages of my cancer treatment process; that process has not ended but continues with chemotherapy as I write this preface now. Some sections of the book were written in the hospital. Other parts were written while I was in quarantine from public places because of a compromised immune system after a stem cell transplant. All of it was written amid the physical and emotional turmoil derived from both my cancer treatments and my new prospects as someone diagnosed with an incurable cancer at the age of thirty-nine.

In the first chapter, I describe the basic structure and format of the book and the way in which I intertwine my cancer story with the exploration of a much weightier storythe story of Gods saving action in and through Jesus Christ. I intend for that chapter to be the introduction to the book. But by way of preface, I would like to add a few comments about the background, genre, and intended audience of the book.

After my diagnosis, I prayerfully immersed myself in Scripture, especially the Psalms. New biblical and theological questions were becoming urgent. Since my diagnosis took place in the middle of a sabbatical semester of research and writing, I had the time and space to turn my attention to biblical and theological works that pursue these questions as I began chemotherapy. I was able to temporarily set aside some of And eventually, as chapter 1 narrates, I heeded the advice of those around me to expand my reflections into a book. I wrote the book not only for others but also as a part of my own process of coming before the presence of God in my new life after the diagnosis. I decided to honestly take on the tough theological and existential questions rather than dodge them. They are the questions that I live with. And frequently, they are the questions that other Christians who have experienced loss live with as well. There is an urgency underlying this book that is analogous to one that many viewers experienced in the 2013 movie Gravity . Dr. Ryan Stone, in desperate conditions, says it this way: I know, were all gonna die. But Im gonna die today. I do not have the burden of an expectation of imminent death. But I do have an urgency to cut through to the most pressing questions with a different sort of expectationa medical expectation that my death is likely to come much sooner than previously expected, that my hopes toward the future cannot be what they used to be. This is a loss not just for me but for my family, for my friends, for my community of faith. How does this sudden loss, which sinks in gradually, relate to the abundant life that we enjoy in Christ? Does Scripture give us the answer to our pressing questions about why this is happening, or does God give us something differenteven betterthan that through Scripture? How do the psalms of lament, the book of Job, and the New Testament witness to Jesus Christ and life in him testify to the loving power of the Triune God? The most potent questions, when one pushes deeply enough, are ultimately not about our experience but about the story of God made known in Jesus Christ.

While I explored these questions as a scholar in my reading and later in my writing, I knew from the outset of my writing that this book would not be a scholarly monograph. Instead, I sought to give a window into my life as a newly diagnosed cancer patient as a step along a larger path of faith seeking understanding, a disciple joining with others to follow Jesus Christ. I do develop a set of biblical and theological arguments But they are just hints.

Rather than writing just for an academic audience, I have sought to embrace a genre in this book that can speak to a broad range of Christiansincluding caretakers, counselors, and those experiencing cancer or some other loss themselves. The genre is not easy reading, for honestly bringing our laments as mortals before the face of God is never easy. Nevertheless, I have sought to make the book broadly accessible to inquiring Christians who struggle with questions about how the Triune Gods story in Scripture could possibly relate to their calamities of cancer or other trials that seem to leave us in a fog, in lament, and in confusion about Gods deliverance.

JTB
Holland, Michigan
January 2015