Lena Sisco - Youre Lying: Secrets From an Expert Military Interrogator to Spot the Lies and Get to the Truth

Youre Lying!

Secrets From an Expert Military Interrogator to Spot the Lies and Get to the Truth

By Lena Sisco

Copyright 2015 by Lena Sisco

All rights reserved under the Pan-American and International Copyright Conventions. This book may not be reproduced, in whole or in part, in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system now known or hereafter invented, without written permission from the publisher, The Career Press.

YOURE LYING!
EDITED BY KIRSTEN DALLEY
TYPESET BY DIANA GHAZZAWI

Cover design by Matt Dorfman
Printed in the U.S.A.

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To my amazing and wonderful parents, Bill and Roseann, who have always supported me through the many adventures in my life. I love you.

This is my first publicationhopefully the first of manyso I would like to acknowledge and thank all those who made it possible. You have no idea how much your effort, mentorship, friendship, and support mean to me.

First, I want to express my deepest gratitude to my parents, Bill and Roseann, who have been by my side as I transitioned from almost failing out of college to graduating from Brown, from studying archaeology to joining the military, from chasing the California dream to battling the Beltway, and, finally, to settling (for now) in Virginia Beach. I may not have always chosen the most successful path, but I always knew that the path would lead me to success, and so did you. I could never say thank you enough for everything you have done for me. You are the best!

I want to thank my biggest fan for always believing in me, and who never once let me stay down in the tough times. You are my pillar, and I hope one day I can be yours when you need it. Nancy Drew?

I want to thank my brother Chris for putting up with my countless demands! And especially for building my Website(s). I owe you, big time.

I want to acknowledge the rest of my awesome, fun, immediate family: Jimmy, Jill, and Katie. Christine, youll never need a power pose to build confidence, because you were born with it. Katie and Jill, lets dance!

A very special thank you to Janine Driver, the lady who made me see it was all possible. Janine had a profound effect on me and its because of her and the Body Language Institute that I am where I am today. She always believed in me, sometimes more than I did myself. Thanks for the push; I will always and forever be grateful for your mentorship. Thank you to Kerry Strollo, Janines sister; you are a fire and forget person, and I appreciate that.

Thank you, Bulldog OClair, for being my gorgeous model. But even more, thanks for being real. Your support and energy helped fuel me. Hugs and kisses! And thank you, Gina and Chris, for modeling your beautiful faces. Now, wheres the wine?

Thank you to Nic Smith and the Henley-Putman graduate student for sharing your stories so that I could share them with my readers. You rock!

Thank you, Maryann Karinch. Without you, I wouldnt be writing any of these thank yous! I love your sincerity and your energy. You let me scratch off an item on my bucket list.

Thank you, Career Press, for picking up my first publication. I am thrilled beyond words that this happened. I look forward to working with you on my next book, which is already in the works.

I want to thank two dear friends who always provided me with words of encouragement and wisdom, Alissa and Kristy. We partied like rock stars; I love you both to the moon and stars!

I want to raise a glass to Diane, to us and making it happen. Cheers!

Thank you to those I served with, especially to my GTMO family back in the day. Im thankful that I can still keep in touch with some of you. I hope your lives have led you to success. I also want to thank every military member for your honor, courage, and commitment. It may sound clichd, but there are really no better words to describe what you signed up for and what you do. Thank you, Dave, for the QC.

Thank you to all of my family and friends who have inspired me to write in some way that you may not even know of; you may just read about it in this book.

Many thanks to all of you who are reading this, to those of you who have heard me speak, and to those of you Ive trained. Its because of you that I can keep sharing my knowledge.

And lastly, I am thankful for my family of furry friends who give me so much joy and who keep me calm and sane.

Im sure that someone at some point has said to you, I see what youre saying, and that told you that this person understood what you just said. Wouldnt it have made more sense for him or her to have said, I understand what youre saying? After all, we hear people speak, but we cant see their speech (unless they are speaking in sign language, of course). So how, then, can we see what people say? We cant. But we can see how people say thingstheir body language, their facial expressions, the things they do while they speakand that makes us feel that we can actually see what they say, beyond just their spoken words. For example, I can observe how people lie through words, body gestures, facial expressions, and certain physiological signs.

When I hear people say I see what youre saying, it tells me that they get me. It reminds me of greeting of the Navi people, the indigenous, albeit fictitious, culture on the planet Pandora in James Camerons movie Avatar. Their greeting is I see you, which essentially translates as I can see into your soul and I know you. I get you. This book is intended to expound on the relationships among hearing, listening, and seeing: hearing the sounds people make, listening to the specific words they use, and seeing their body gestures and facial expressions while they speak.

When what we say and how we say it (through body language) match up, its called behavioral congruency. When they dont match, we have behavioral incongruency; in this case, the body isnt matching up with the words being said or the true emotions behind those words. I will teach you how to spot both of these. I will also teach you how to look for deceptive tells (deviations from normal behavior that indicate stress) and why you have to look for clusters of these tells to determine whether someone is lying. Understanding what people say goes far beyond just hearing their words, although words and the voice play a key part in detecting deception, as you will soon find out. In fact, I tend to rely more on verbal deceptive tells than nonverbal. I will explain why later on, as you begin to understand the complexities of nonverbal communication.

In Avatar, when the Navi say I see you, they are saying they can sense the true emotions and inner spirit of others; they can empathize. Empathy is key to building rapport, and building rapport is the process of earning likeability, trust, and respect. Because I practice yoga, I see a connection between the Navi greeting and the