Sharon Salzberg - Love Your Enemies: How to Break the Anger Habit & Be a Whole Lot Happier

PRAISE FOR
Love Your Enemies

If life is a struggle, this book is your friend. Its whispered truths, like the first inklings of the dawn, bring both relief and recognition. Return to it time and again; its good humor and wise counsel are a balm for the soul.

Mark Epstein, author of The Trauma of Everyday Life

If there are two beings in the whole world whom I trust with my whole heart to give powerful, honest, kind, and deeply truthful teachings that can free us from burning in the mental anguish that is the new normal in these anxious and fear-ridden times, it is Tenzin Bob Thurman and Sharon Salzberg. Having known both of them for many years, I can say that I am blessed that they are with me on this desert island called Earth.

Krishna Das, musician and author of Chants of a Lifetime

Brilliant! Love Your Enemies is possibly the most inspiring and liberating meditation on love ever written.

Robert Holden, Ph.D., author of Shift Happens! and Loveability

ALSO BY SHARON SALZBERG

Faith: Trusting Your Own Deepest Experience

The Force of Kindness: Change Your Life with Love and Compassion

A Heart as Wide as the World

Insight Meditation: A Step-by-Step Course on How to Meditate

The Kindness Handbook: A Practical Companion

Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness

Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation: A 28-Day Program

ALSO BY ROBERT THURMAN

Anger: The Seven Deadly Sins

Essential Tibetan Buddhism

Infinite Life: Awakening to Bliss Within

Inner Revolution: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Real Happiness

The Jewel Tree of Tibet: The Enlightenment Engine of Tibetan Buddhism

Mind Science, co-authored with Daniel Goleman The Tibetan Book of the Dead

Why the Dalai Lama Matters: His Act of Truth as the Solution for China, Tibet, and the World

Copyright 2013 by Sharon Salzberg and Robert Thurman

Published and distributed in the United States by: Hay House, Inc.: www.hayhouse.com Published and distributed in Australia by: Hay House Australia Pty. Ltd.: www.hayhouse.com.au Published and distributed in the United Kingdom by: Hay House UK, Ltd.: www.hayhouse.co.uk Published and distributed in the Republic of South Africa by: Hay House SA (Pty), Ltd.: www.hayhouse.co.za Distributed in Canada by: Raincoast: www.raincoast.com Published in India by: Hay House Publishers India: www.hayhouse.co.in

Cover design: Shelley Noble Interior design: Celia Fuller-Vels

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic, or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording; nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted, or otherwise copied for public or private useother than for fair use as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviewswithout prior written permission of the publisher.

The authors of this book do not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the authors is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the authors and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Salzberg, Sharon.
Love Your Enemies: How to Break the Anger Habit & Be a Whole Lot Happier / Sharon Salzberg and Tenzin Robert Thurman. 1st edition.
pages cm
ISBN 978-1-4019-2814-8
1. EnemiesReligious aspectsBuddhism. 2. Spiritual lifeBuddhism. I. Thurman, Robert A. F. II. Title.
BQ4570.E54S25 2013
294.3444dc23

2013014314

Hardcover ISBN: 978-1-4019-2814-8
16 15 14 13 4 3 2 1
1st edition, September 2013

Printed in the United States of America

For all those who express their strength through compassion instead of anger, whether within themselves, their families, their communities, or their nations. May love and kindness prevail.

SHARON SALZBERG

To all sensitive beings of all kinds,
may they come through the present crises and flourish, and especially
TO ALL WOMEN,
the Cool Heroines of our world,
full and free individuals, heroic warriors, true friends, mothers, wives, daughters, whose laborall kinds, love, intelligence, creativity, courage, tolerance, kindness, diplomacy, self-sacrifice, good humor, and ever deeper and broader visionthrough the millennia and every day and night, save families, their sisters, unruly males, parents, partners, children, nonhuman animals, whole communities, and the very planet, from misery and self-destruction! May this little book contribute in some small way to these Great Souls receiving the honor, respect, and authority they so richly deserve and we all so urgently need them to have!

TENZIN ROBERT THURMAN

Contents

L ove Your Enemies is a practical guide to finding freedom from our enemies, through the powerful allies of wisdom, tolerance, and love. Specifically, we offer tools to conquer four kinds of enemies we encounter in lifethese four developed from the ancient Tibetan mind-transformation teachings:

The outer enemy: the people and institutions that harass, disturb, or harm us in some way, as well as situations that frustrate us

The inner enemy: anger, hatred, fear, and other destructive impulses

The secret enemy: self-obsession and self-preoccupation, which isolate us from other people, leaving us frustrated and alone

The super-secret enemy: deep-seated self-loathing that keeps us from finding inner freedom and true happiness

We present the enemies in this order in the book, progressing from outer enemies inward, since the process of finding freedom through overcoming our anger, fear, and self-preoccupation generally proceeds more or less in this order. But life is ever-changing and unpredictable, and we are well aware that we do not always meet our enemies in such an orderly fashion. So we encourage you to start where you are. Perhaps you are so hard on yourself that you cannot even start to face your enemies because the whole enterprise seems hopeless. You might first turn to the Appendix and practice the lovingkindness meditation to develop self-compassion before diving in. Or you might skip ahead and read on vanquishing the inner enemy.

Regardless of which enemies we are facing, the method of overcoming them is the same. First, using critical wisdom, we clearly identify the enemynot quite as simple as it soundsand then we engage mindfulness to experience fully how it operates. Next, we move toward dismantling our adversarial relationship with the enemy by learning to tolerate it and then by developing compassion for it, even as we take decisive action to root it out. Finally, freed of our enemies, we can relax in the bliss of true happiness and the joy of living harmoniously with others. Working with our enemies is both an inner and an outer process.