Brokering - Looking anxiety in the face : wisdom for all who worry

Looking Anxiety in the Face

Looking Anxiety in the Face

Wisdom for All Who Worry

HERBERT BROKERING

Looking Anxiety in the Face

Wisdom for All Who Worry

Living Well Series

Copyright 2009 Augsburg Books, an imprint of Augsburg Fortress. All rights reserved. Except for brief quotations in critical articles or reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without prior written permission from the publisher. Visit http://www.augsburgfortress.org/copyrights or write to Permissions, Augsburg Fortress, Box 1209, Minneapolis, MN 55440.

Unless otherwise identified, scripture quotations are from the New Revised Standard Version Bible, copyright 1989 by the division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the USA. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Hymn lyrics from The Lutheran Book of Worship and Evangelical Lutheran Worship used by permission of Augsburg Fortress Publishers. All rights reserved.

Cover art: Dougal Waters/Getty Images.

Cover design: Laurie Ingram

Interior design: PerfecType, Nashville, TN

eISBN: 9781451409659

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Brokering, Herbert, 1926-

Looking anxiety in the face : wisdom for all who worry / Herbert Brokering.

p. cm. (Living well series)

ISBN 978-0-8066-7059-1 (alk. paper)

1. AnxietyReligious aspectsChristianity. 2. WorryReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.

BV4908.5.B745 2009

242. 4dc22

2009011773

Contents

Emotions have their own energy.

It is data, power, fuel for a task

for decisions to be made by me.

For what shall I spend the emotion?

That is what I ask what I ask.

Anxiety has the power of a raging sea

And will lift a ship to the tip of a wave,

Can break a good life on the rock of a shore.

Or surge in my body to make me more brave.

In a storm I can lift an anchor and far more

And a rock and far more, and far more.

Come gracious Spirit, heavenly dove,

With light and comfort from above.

Come be our guardian and our guide;

Oer every thought and step preside.

I will be the first to admit that I am no stranger to worry. For most of my life I have been an anxious person, fearful and uncertain, knowing dread. So many times I have watched as anxiety gathers like black rain clouds over the prairie, knowing that the storm is breaking, knowing that I am going to get rained on, going to get very wet.

Anxious thoughts, anxious feelings have troubled many nights, constricted many days. Worries and fears, sometimes real, often imagined, have shut doors that should be propped open, drawn boundaries where there should be none, and given rise to a strange loneliness that strangely resists the love and care of loving and caring people all around me.

There are so many triggers of wearisome worryevents, memories, anticipationsits hard to keep track of them all. Which is one of the reasons for this little book. It helps to name the triggers of anxiety; it takes some of their power away; it creates a space to think, to feel, to trust the light and comfort from above.

So, yes, I am an anxious person. But I am also a curious person. I want to know, to understand the worries that gather over my head, and in my head and heart and soul. Which is another reason for this little book. It helps meand I hope it will help youto look the many signs, sides, and faces of anxiety in the face and see what can be seen, learn what can be learned, and, in the seeing and the learning, grow a bit in understanding and accepting myselfand God.

Some things help some timesnot every time, but some times. With anxiety as a traveling companion these many years, I have had plenty of opportunities to learn whatat timeskeeps my willful escort at arms length. Maybe what has helped me at times will help you at times. That is my hope, and another reason for writing this little book.

So, I am an anxious person and a curious person. I am also a person who has alwaysas have we alllived in a remarkable network of relationships: family, friends, co-workers and collaborators, and chance acquaintances who have encouraged and inspired. Which is to say that anxiety has not been my only companion these many years. One cannot imagine the journey without all these others. This little book is a tip of the hat in memory and in thanks to them, and an encouragement to you to tip your own hat to those who have accompanied you.

Anxious, curious, networkedthat describes me well, but one descriptor is lacking: I am also a person of faith. I grew up in the faith of my mother and father and have never grown away from italthough it is mine now and in some ways larger. In thrall to anxiety, I have at times experienced what seemed the silence and absence of God, but strangely enough, in the throes of anxiety, I have also heard the voice of God in song and in sighing, in words of comfort and cheer, in birds and crickets and leaves blowing in a spring breeze, in babys crying and mothers cooing, in the sounds of honest work. Faith has kept me hopeful:

Lord of all hopefulness, Lord of all joy,

Whose trust, ever childlike, no cares could destroy:

Be there at our waking, and give us, we pray,

Your bliss in our hearts, Lord, at the break of the day.

Lord of all eagerness, Lord of all faith,

Whose strong hands were skilled at the plane and the lathe:

Be there at our labors, and give us, we pray,

Your strength in our hearts, Lord, at the noon of the day.

Lord of all kindliness, Lord of all grace,

Your hands swift to welcome, your arms to embrace:

Be there at our homing, and give us, we pray,

Your love in our hearts, Lord, at the eve of the day.

Lord of all gentleness, Lord of all calm,

Whose voice is contentment, whose presence is balm:

Be there at our sleeping, and give us, we pray,

Your peace in our hearts, Lord, at the end of the day.

). This little book is a celebration of me, anxiety and all, and hopefully, a celebration of you, anxiety and all.

An idea to practice

As you read through this book, let it be a window on your own experiences of anxiety, curiosity, relationships, and faith. Write down in a notebook what of my experience resonates with your own experience, as well as what in your experience is different from mine. We are both similar and uniquereflecting on our similarities can open a window on our uniqueness.

Just as I am though tossed about,

With many a conflict, many a doubt

Fightings and fears, within, without,

O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

My eyes are shut, and I stare at what I feel and think. I am anxious about something that is not present. It feels bigger than life but is not real. My eyes stay shut so I can study the emotion, figure it out, give it a name. I hope to comprehend so it will disappear. The haunting feeling does not go away and plays tag with other emotions as unreal and again bigger than life.

O Lord, show me a dove. Let me see the wounds in your hands and in your side. I am Thomas. I have eyes to see, and ears to hear and a voice to speak. Take me to a tree. I need to touch the balm in Gilead.

My eyes are shut and I remember from the past the voice of someone: Open your eyes; look, find something real, get in touch with the real world. I am near a window and I see the limb of a blooming apple tree. My eyes are fixed on the green leaves and the closing white blossoms. It is early night. Good, I am feeling a difference. Alas. My eyes slowly close and I am again lost in a fognot outside my window, nor as happy, but roaming inside myself, one of deep emotion.