Shawn T. Smith PsyD - The User’s Guide to the Human Mind: Why Our Brains Make Us Unhappy, Anxious, and Neurotic and What We Can Do about It

Im thinking of a vivid memory from childhood. It is one of those flashbulb moments that the mind occasionally casts into our awareness. It happened at closing time at my familys truck stop as I was washing glasses behind the bar. (I had an unusual childhood.) Thats when I noticed Chuck, one of our regular customers.

Chuck was one of my favorites. Straw cowboy hat, goose-down vest, and a perpetual grin. He was gregarious, witty, good-natured, and an always-welcomed fixture at the bar.

Chuck also seemed troubled in a way that eluded my ten-year-old mind. He drank heavily, and despite his affability, people knew little about him. He was never at a loss for good conversation, but he rarely discussed himself. He managed to keep the spotlight on others. Someone once joked that he must have been a spy because he was a man of such mystery.

In hindsight, he had the bearing of a man who hoped to avoid an encounter with his own regrets, and so he dodged and weaved using humor, camaraderie, and alcohol. Had you asked me at the time, I might have said that he seemed like a happy guy, but he was probably lonely.

On the evening that I recall, he sat in contrast to his usual manner. He was alone, relaxed, and peaceful. His constant, mischievous grin was replaced by the slightest and most genuine smile. Before him sat a nearly empty glass of beer. It was the last in a chain of empty glasses, and I couldnt decide whether to disturb him so that I could wash it.

Many years have passed since that evening, though Ive never forgotten Chuck. I have, however, graduated from junior barkeeps assistant to clinical psychologist. Now I wonder what caused Chuck to drink so much and to avoid revealing who he really was. I wonder what was going through his mind and what his mind was telling him about himself and his life.

Ill never know what Chucks mind was telling him, but I do know what my mind tells meand I dont always like it. And if youre anything like me, you may wonder how you can control your mind. If its like mine, it never shuts up!

In some ways, a mind is easy to control. I can choose to think about what I want, when I want. Right now, Im choosing to think about donuts, because I like donuts.

In other ways, minds are downright willful and insolent. They think their own thoughts, without permission, and usually with impeccably bad timing. Take my last attempt at public speaking. As I stood in front of a crowd, ready to begin my presentation, my mind gave me these thoughts:

Youre going to forget what to say. You need a haircut. Is your fly open?

I didnt want those thoughts. They werent helpful. Thanks a lot, mind.

Sometimes minds go well beyond these jabs at self-confidence. They can convince us that we are damaged and unlovable, or that we cannot do something within our power, or that the world is more dangerous than it really is. They can saddle us with such powerful anxiety and depression that we believe we cannot do as we wish. Our minds can be that persuasive.