Wayne W. Dyer - Pulling Your Own Strings: Dynamic Techniques for Dealing with Other People and Living Your Life As You Choose

Pulling
Your Own
Strings

Dynamic Techniques for Dealing
with Other People and Living
Your Life As You Choose

DR. WAYNE W. DYER

To
Susan Elizabeth Dyer

before you I can think
aloud

Much of what is expressed here pertains to my own personal development as a decision-maker and action-oriented adult.

As a teacher and counselor of the deaf I have worked with many young people who are more handicapped by their lack of self-confidence than by their physical disabilities, and we talk about the importance of feeling in charge of oneself before one can take charge of a situation. Then my students gradually assume the hard work of taking risks on their own, from such practical acts as ordering for themselves in restaurants, rather than waiting for a hearing companion to do it for them, to such internal psychological events as the decision of one junior-high student to move into college prep classes as the first member of her family to aim for such academic heights. Her challenge is great, but now so is her confidence.

Many of us with normal faculties have mentally handicapped ourselves and victimized ourselves by belief systems. We limit ourselves in search of security, never realizing how easily others can confine us further, using our limitations against us. One example from my life was conquering my allergies.

Hanging on to my allergies as an adult meant living up to a childhood label of being delicate, which had given me a lot of attention in an active family. Prompt sniffling also got me out of many risky situations, such as outdoor sports (grass, trees, pollen), where I felt athletically inadequate, or social encounters in tightly packed parties where my allergic response to tobacco smoke was actually an attack of shyness. My allergist never spent a moment to check out any psychological maintenance system. He was content with my program of weekly office visits.

Once I began to determine that achieving independence meant not being delicate and not being a victim of my own fears of rejection, there was an end to injections and a beginning of touch football and new friendships.

Every day I encounter challenges. Daily examples include confronting authorities in the public schools to secure the best placement for deaf students, dealing with salespeople who give me poor service, satisfying relatives whose expectations for me are different from my own, and challenging the me I am, to become the me I choose to be.

This book is dedicated to me, and many of its examples came from me. All its messages are for meand for you too! Read, grow, enjoy!

A little boy came home from school and asked his mother, Mom, whats a scurvy elephant?

His mother was perplexed, and inquired why he would even ask such a question.

Little Tommy replied, I heard my teacher telling the principal that I was a scurvy elephant in the classroom.

Tommys mother called the school and asked for an explanation. The principal laughed. No, no. Tommys teacher told me after school that he was a disturbing element in the classroom.

This book is written for people who would like to be completely in charge of their own livesincluding the mavericks, rebels, and the scurvy elephants of the world. It is for those who will not automatically do things according to other peoples plans.

To live your life the way you choose, you have to be a bit rebellious. You have to be willing to stand up for yourself. You might have to be a bit disturbing to those who have strong interests in controlling your behaviorbut if youre willing, youll find that being your own person, not letting others do your thinking for you, is a joyful, worthy, and absolutely fulfilling way to live.

You need not be a revolutionary, just a human being who says to the world, and everyone in it, I am going to be my own person, and resist anyone who tries to stop me.

A well-known popular song tells us,

Life is a beautiful thing
As long as I hold the string,
Id be a silly so and so
If I should ever let it go .

This book is about not letting your own strings go. It is for those who feel strongly enough about not being manipulated by others that they are willing to put a stop to it. It is for those who want their own freedom more desperately than anything else. It is especially a book for those who have some driftwood in their souls, who want to move about on this planet with senses of being unrestrained.

Many people are more content to be regulated than to take charge of their own lives. If you dont mind having your strings pulled, this is not the book for you. It is a manual of change and how to make that change come about. It sets forth some very controversial and challenging ideas.

Many will see these views as counterproductive, and will accuse me of encouraging people to be rebellious and contemptuous of established authority. I make no bones about itI believe that you must often be assertive, even pugnacious, to avoid being victimized.

Yes, I do think you often must be unreasonable, insubordinate, to people who would manipulate you. To be otherwise is to be victimized, and the world is full of people who would love you to behave in whatever ways are most convenient for them.

A special kind of freedom is available to you if you are willing to take the risks involved in getting it: the freedom to wander where you will about lifes terrain, to make all your own choices. The central insight must be that individuals have the right to decide how they will live their lives, and that as long as their exercise of this right does not infringe on the equal rights of others, any person or institution that interferes ought to be viewed as a victimizer. The book is for those who feel that their own personal lives are controlled too much by forces over which they in turn have little control.

Each persons life is unique, separated from every other life in the true experiential sense. No one else can live your life, feel what you feel, get into your body and experience the world the way you do. This is the only life you get, and it is too precious to let others take their own advantage of it. It is only logical that youshould determine how you are going to function, and your functioning ought to bring you the joy and fulfillment of pulling your own strings rather than the pain and misery of victimization. This book is designed to help each reader achieve such total control over his or her own life.

Virtually everyone suffers some domination by others that is unpleasant and definitely not worth maintaining, let alone defending, as many of us unconsciously do. Most people know all too well what it is to be ripped off, manipulated, and pushed into behaviors and beliefs against their wills. The problems of victimization have become so acute and widespread that newspapers across the country have sprung into action with columns to help people who are being abused. Action lines, hot lines, and other such public service aids attempt to cut through the red tape which is a part of so much victimization, and they attempt to get results. Local television shows have consumer advocates and community ombudsmen to do some of the dirty work. The government has created agencies of protection, and many communities have agencies attempting to combat more localized forms of victimization.