Oonagh Duncan - Healthy as F-ck by Oonagh Duncan

Dedicated to my parents, Susan McNerney and Bruce Duncan. I truly won the life lottery to be born to two such incredible people, and Im so grateful for everything youve done for me. I love you both so much. Im sorry I swear so much in my book. x

Copyright 2019 by Oonagh Duncan

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HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF GLUTEN? ITS THIS PROTEIN THATS found in wheat thatjust kidding! Its the 2020s, and even your weird survivalist uncle is gluten free.

I bet you can name three people off the top of your head who would rather eat nuclear waste than gluten. Thats why there are bestselling authors who could substitute the wheat flour in their baking with gold dust because theyve made a fortune selling gluten-free cookbooks. Which is all kind of weird if you think about itconsidering that celiac disease really only affects 1 percent of the population.

You know what else affects 1 percent of the population? Von Willebrand disease. Its this blood clotting disorder that probably none of your friends talk about at cocktail parties. Why? Von Willebrand disease isnt a covert way of pretending you arent on a diet. Because chances are you are on a diet right now. Except you dont call it a diet. You call it a wheat allergy or eating clean or ketosis or paleo or plants or maybe you are just trying to avoid sugar.

Now dont get mad. I know that accusing you of being on a diet is like accusing you of being some vapid cheerleader who didnt get the fucking fax in 1987 that diets dont work and you are supposed to love yourself the way you are. You probably hate the word diet because it reminds you of your mom counting her Weight Watchers points or cooking nothing but cabbage soup for a week. Well, Im afraid your keto lifestyle might seem just as ridiculous to the next generation. And, dude, Im not judging you for getting super into the latest healthy-food/weight-loss trend. We all follow trends. (Anyone else feather their bangs in the 80s? Whoopsie daisy.) But lets face itmost people dont really care if its about sugar, wheat, free-range protein, or cleanse kits with chlorophyll slime as long as there is a reason to hope it will help trigger fat loss.

The point is, the language has changed, but as I type this, seventy-five million Americans are actively trying to lose weight. Which is no surprise. We are now at a point where most of us are overweight, and more than 30 percent of North Americans are clinically obese. Im not talking about a little muffin top over your skinny jeans (although god knows we are certainly made to feel like shit if this is the case). We are at the point where we have to start thinking about type 2 diabetes, heart disease, depression, cancer, and fertility problems.

So, the average American is freaking out and spending an average of $800 a year trying to fix the problembuying juice cleanses, meal plans, workout programs, and weird-ass herbal supplements. And then everyone feels like shit about themselves. Why? Because none of it works.

I meanobvi, right? The whole world is getting fatter. And the statistics of weight-loss success with any of these diets is dismal. And I mean any of them. Even that sugar-free thing youre doing right now. From Atkins to the Zone with a lot of keto and GF in betweenthere is no peer-reviewed scientific data that confirms that one diet (orexcuse melifestyle) is better than any other for long-term weight loss. There is very little chanceacross the boardof keeping the weight off for over a year.

Heres why: its not about your wheat intake, your ketones, or your net carbs its about your habits. The National Weight Control Registry at Brown University studies those rare unicorns who have lost significant weight and kept it off. They achieved it through all sorts of different diet/lifestyle approaches. The research shows that the one commonality in those subjects was making small changes to their everyday behaviors.

Small changes to everyday behaviors?! How fucking boring is that? Where is the revolutionary new formula? The one secret that doctors dont want you to know? Or the diet that celebrities swear by?

That is all Satans bullshit.

Let me tell you, if you like sensationalist clickbait headlines, this book is going to disappoint. On the other hand, if you like having an effortlessly healthy (smokin hot) body and a calm mind, welcome to your new life.

I call those everyday behaviors your habits. Everything comes down to habits. All the rest of iteverything from the glycemic index to complex intermittent fasting protocolsall of that is just noise and fad diets disguised as a virtuous lifestyle.

Now before you hit send on that angry email where you tell me that getting rid of gluten has changed your life and how dare I call it a diet: Im happy for you. If youve found something that works for you, then you can shut this book. You dont need my advice because youve already got this shit nailedand that is awesome. Celebratory rice cakes all around!

But.

If that gluten-free lifestyle tends to fall off when you are stressed or when theres something particularly delicious in front of you or when you are on vacationthat is a diet.

Consider this: When is the last time you heard a vegan say that things were so crazy at work that she was gonna give herself a break and eat meat until life calms down? Or hearing someone say that they were going to pause their tooth-brushing habit while they were on vacation because, you know, you only live once! Ridiculous, right? Because veganism and tooth-brushing are deeply ingrained habits. They are part of your identity. They require no perceived extra effort because they are rooted in a deep sense of the kind of person you are. (I just dont eat meat. Period. Or I am someone who does not have nasty-ass teeth and fart breath no matter how relaxed and on vacation I am.) So, unless your sugar-free/gluten-free/paleo/keto efforts are completely effortless and it never occurs to you to pause them on vacation, you are on a diet.