Christina Lauren - The Unhoneymooners

acknowledgments

Ahhh, what a fun ride this one was! No book is easy to write, but even if this one wasnt easy, it was a total blast. One of the best things about writing as a team is the opportunity we get to make each other laugh. The Unhoneymooners offered plenty of such opportunities, and it meant our days drafting this were spent laughing at the computer screen. Not too shabby for a day job.

We always give ourselves permission to draft fast, edit later, and partly thats because its easier to fix than create. But in reality, we have the luxury of working this way because we have fantastic editors. Kate Dresser and Adam Wilson you two are so incredibly good at this. Thank you for always making sure our books are as strong as they possibly can be and for being hilarious and good-hearted humans in the process. We say it all the time but we feel very lucky to be able to do this with you.

Our agent is Holly Root and she is the best of the bestsaavy, intuitive, level-headed, and totally loveable. Thank you, Holly, for the past eight years of ninjaness.

Thank you to our PR rep and precious, Kristin Dwyer. You did so good, girl is starting to feel like an understatement, but at the end of the day it will always remain true because you always do so good. Above and beyond, every time.

Thank you to our Gallery Books team: Carolyn Reidy, Jen Bergstrom, Jen Long, Aimee Bell, Molly Gregory, Rachel Brenner, Abby Zidle, Diana Velasquez, Mackenzie Hickey, John of the Mustache Vairo, Lisa Litwack, Laura Cherkas, Chelsea Cohen, the amazing sales force (we heart you), and anyone who has helped our books get into the hands of readers. We are so grateful for every single one of you.

Huge gratitude to our pre-readers Yesi Cavazos, Arielle Seleske, Gabby Sotelo, and Frankie OConnor, and also to those in the CLo & Friends group for helping us in our goal to write an authentic Mexican-American family. Your feedback was so fantastic and we hope we made you proud. It goes without saying that anything we got wrong or any opportunity we missed is entirely on us. You are all so wonderful!

To all the booksellers and librarians out there, not every hero wears capes! (I mean, maybe you sell books while wearing a cape and thats amazing, but even if you dont, youre still #1 in our book.) Books are life, they are brain food, they bring joy, and relief, and connection. Doing what you do, and getting books you love into the hands of readers is such a gift to the world, and we are grateful to you beyond words.

To the bloggers, reviewers, readers: what we have is a symbiotic relationship. We couldnt do this without you, and there is not a day that goes by when we dont think about this. Thank you for your support, encouragement, and time spent reading our words. Every time you recommend a book of ours to a friend, an angel gets their wings. Or a puppy gets tummy rubs. Or a hedgehog gets a mealworm. Bottom line: good things happen in the universe. We heart you.

To our families: we love you all so much but you know that. What you really need to hear is our thanks for putting up with us. Living with a writer often means youre asking them a question and theyre staring off into space, trying to figure out what the hell comes next in the book. You handle that with grace and patience (and also it works out for you, too, because were working from home so theres rarely an excuse why we cant also throw some dinner in the Instant Pot).

Christina, this was your year. Your voice, your humor, and your ability to flesh out a story: its all back and ready to blast off into all the fun things we have coming up next. I know I say it all the time, but Im so proud to be able to do this with you.

Lo, the way you put words together still astounds me. There are times I read something youve sent me and I find myself just staring at the computer, wondering where in the world you came up with an idea or phrase. If I didnt also know youre the most loving, generous, loyal friend ever I would really hate your guts. Ha! I kid. Mostly. Thank you for letting me do this with you. I love you.

Also by Christina Lauren

Dating You / Hating You

Roomies

Love and Other Words

Josh and Hazels Guide to Not Dating

My Favorite Half-Night Stand

The Beautiful Series

Beautiful Bastard

Beautiful Stranger

Beautiful Bitch

Beautiful Bombshell

Beautiful Player

Beautiful Beginning

Beautiful Beloved

Beautiful Secret

Beautiful Boss

Beautiful

The Wild Seasons Series

Sweet Filthy Boy

Dirty Rowdy Thing

Dark Wild Night

Wicked Sexy Liar

Young Adult

The House

Sublime

Autoboyography

chapter one

I n the calm before the stormin this case, the blessed quiet before the bridal suite is overrun by the wedding partymy twin sister stares critically down at a freshly painted shell-pink fingernail and says, I bet youre relieved Im not a bridezilla. She glances across the room at me and smiles generously. I bet you expected me to be impossible.

It is a statement so perfectly dropped in the moment, I want to take a picture and frame it. I share a knowing look with our cousin Julieta, who is repainting Amis toes (It should be more petal pink than baby pink, dont you think?), and gesture to the bodice of Amis wedding gownwhich hangs from a satin hanger and on which I am presently and painstakingly ensuring that every sequin is lying flat. Define bridezilla.

Ami meets my eyes again, this time with a half-hearted glare. Shes in her fancy wedding-bra contraption and skimpy underwear that Im awarewith some degree of sibling nauseaher dudebro fianc Dane will positively destroy later. Her makeup is tastefully done and her fluffy veil is pinned in her upswept dark hair. Its jarring. I mean, were used to looking identical while knowing were wholly different people inside, but this is something entirely unfamiliar: Ami is the portrait of a bride. Her life suddenly bears no resemblance to mine whatsoever.

Im not a bridezilla, she argues. Im a perfectionist.

I find my list and hold it aloft, waving it to catch her attention. Its a piece of heavy, scalloped-edged pink stationery that has Olives To-Do ListWedding Day Edition written in meticulous calligraphy at the top, and which includes seventy -four (seventy-four) items ranging from Check for symmetry of the sequins on the bridal gown to Remove any wilted petals from the table arrangements.

Each bridesmaid has her own list, perhaps not quite as long as my maid-of-honor one but equally fancy and handwritten. Ami even drew checkboxes so that we can record when each chore is completed.

Some people might call these lists a little overboard, I say.

Those are the same some people, she replies, wholl pay an arm and a leg for a wedding that is half as nice.

Right. They hire a wedding planner to I refer to my list. Wipe condensation off the chairs a half hour before the ceremony.

Ami blows across her fingernails to dry them and lets out a movie-villain laugh. Fools.

You know what they say about self-fulfilling prophecies, Im sure. Winning makes you feel like a winner, and then somehow... you keep winning. It has to be true, because Ami wins everything. She tossed a ticket into a raffle bowl at a street fair and walked home with a set of community theater tickets. She slid her business card into a cup at The Happy Gnome and won free happy hour beers for a year. Shes won makeovers, books, movie premiere tickets, a lawnmower, endless T-shirts, and even a car. Of course, she also won the stationery and calligraphy set she used to write the to-do lists.

All this to say, as soon as Dane Thomas proposed, Ami saw it as a challenge to spare our parents the cost of the wedding. As it happens, Mom and Dad could afford to contribute they are messy in many ways, but financially is not one of thembut for Ami, getting out of paying for anything is the best kind of game. If pre-engagement Ami thought of contests as a competitive sport, engaged Ami viewed them as the Olympics.