Alderton Molly - In case youre curious: questions about sex from young people with answers from the experts

IN CASE
YOURE
CURIOUS

IN CASE
YOURE
CURIOUS

WRITTEN BY:

Molly Alderton, Daniela Fellman

Meghan Hilton, Julie LaBarr

Planned Parenthood of the Rocky Mountains

ILLUSTRATED BY:

Meghan Hilton

EDITED BY:

Alison Macklin

Copyright 2019 by Planned Parenthood Federation of America.

All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television, or online reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording, or by information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Published in the United States by Viva Editions, an imprint of Start Midnight, LLC, 101 Hudson Street, Thirty-Seventh Floor, Suite 3705, Jersey City, NJ 07302.

Printed in the United States.

Cover design: Allyson Fields

Cover illustrations: Meghan Hilton

Illustrations: Meghan Hilton

Text design: Frank Wiedemann

First Edition.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Trade paper ISBN: 978-1-63228-067-1

E-book ISBN: 978-1-63228-123-4

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.

This book is dedicated to the next generation, the youth of today. Your generation has the power to tilt the scales and make the world a better place. A place where all sex is wanted (enthusiastically consensual), a place where people can live openly without fear of discrimination because of who they love or how they identify. A place where people have all the information they need to make the healthiest decision for themselves. And a place where sexuality is valued. We believe in you and we are here for you!

TABLE OF CONTENTS

PREFACE

Sex. Its everywhere. Or at least thats what people always say. And honestly, its not totally untruewe are surrounded by sex all day, every day. We see sexual images in commercials and sing along without much care to sexual lyrics in our favorite songs. And still, the topic of sex is often hushed, shamed, and policed in ways that other areas of healthcare are not. Sexuality is part of being human and is experienced in every stage of life, so why is it so hard to talk about?

Well, there are countless answers to that question. One major part of the problem lies in how the United States approaches sex education. Most adults think young people are learning everything they need to know about sex, relationships, and their bodies in school. And while we know parents support teaching sex ed in middle and high school, it just isnt happening. There is a noticeable gap between what young people should be learning and what information they are actually receiving in the classroom.

At Planned Parenthood, we have been the trusted provider and advocate of high-quality sexual healthcare for over 100 years, and we are the largest provider of sex education in the nation. And that means when it comes to sex ed, weve heard it all: the good, the bad, and the ugly! From comparisons of sexually active people to chewed-up gum or used tape, young people in the United States have gotten some pretty dismal messages about sex and relationships over the past several decades, the sentiment regularly being that sex is unmentionable and often shameful.

But were here to help change that! As sex educators, its our mission to ensure young peopleand all people, reallyhave access to the information they need, when they need it. We came to this profession because we want all sex to be consensual and pleasurable. We want everyone to be able to make their own decisions about whom they have sex with, and when, and how! We believe all people have the right to access this information free from shame. We believe that a persons sexual identity, expression, and activity is theirs, and it is deeply personal and unique. Because these beliefs are so intrinsic to who we are, we, the sex educators, pride ourselves on providing open and honest information in a safe and nonjudgmental way. We also recognize that we cant be everywhere for everyone. Or can we?

As a trusted leader and innovator, Planned Parenthood of the Rocky Mountains launched its textline In Case Youre Curious, or ICYC, in 2009 to do just thatto make ourselves available to young people everywhere. So no matter where a young person lives, they can get real, personalized, confidential answers to their questions about sex and sexuality. And all of this happens exactly where young people areon their phones! We have real sex educators who are there to answer questions, link to healthcare information, and provide additional resourcesall in 160 characters or less.

The sex educators who staff the line are from diverse backgrounds and are highly trained with over 100 years of combined experience teaching sex ed. We work with a number of Planned Parenthood affiliates and health departments across the United States, growing from just 76 incoming and outgoing texts in that first year to over 7,281 texts in 2018. Our goal in providing this service is ensuring we are accessible whenever and wherever we are needed. Staff respond to questions within 24 hours and have thousands of repeat users.

ICYC isnt a hotlineits not intended to be used for emergency situations. But we can help you navigate tough situations. We know there are lots of other really great hotlines out there doing great work (check out the resource in the wrap-up), so our goal is to connect you to those, instead of duplicating them. However, if a texter is under 18 and tells us they are being hurt, hurting someone else, or thinking of hurting themselves, we will report our conversation to police in order to help keep them safe. ICYC is a place where you can be sure you are getting current, nonjudgmental information right on your phone. The service is free (standard text messaging rates apply) and, while marketed specifically for teens, anyone can use it.

So why a book, you might ask? Well, because in the last six years weve been running ICYC, we have had over 47,000 new texts, and over 79,000 different interactions/conversations. In those numbers we have seen a lot of people have really similar questions, and we wanted to show folks that having questions is okay. Everyone (no, reallyeveryone) has questions about sex and sexuality. That is completely normal. We wanted to show you that you shouldnt be embarrassed to ask us. That probably, what you are asking about has been asked many times already. That even if you might think its a totally bizarre question, weve probably heard it.

Like I said, we are sex educators. We are proud of what we do, and we will continue to be here, answering your questions, every day.

Enjoy the book!

Alison Macklin

Author, Making Sense of It: A Guide to Sex for Teens (and Their Parents, Too!)

INTRODUCTION

Whos this book for? Have you ever had questions about sex? Is the book currently in your hands? Then the answer is you!

Welcome to In Case Youre Curious! Teens (and, lets face it, pretty much all people) have so many questions about their changing bodies, whats normal, how sex works, and how to have healthy relationships. Have you always wanted to know why broken hearts hurt so bad? Has someone once told you that you cant get pregnant from precum? Well, youve come to the right place (or book)! Thats why were here. We have these answers and some you never knew you always wanted to know. Planned Parenthoods ICYC (In Case Youre Curious) offers teens a confidential text-line where trained sex educators answer questions and connect teens to accurate sexual health information. ICYC has been operating since 2009, and weve heard a