Table of Contents
WELCOME
Congratulations on your interest in how to make love to Adrian Colesberry! You will no doubt cherish your ability to make love to him for many years to come. You have your own personal reasons for wanting to learn how to make love to Adrian Coles berry. In case you forget later on, please take a moment to jot down a few notes here.
I, ___, want to learn how to make love to Adrian Colesberry because __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __
Enjoy your Adrian Colesberry experience!
A NOTE TO THE READER
Adrians testicles are very sensitive.
If he could magically have you know one single thing about him before your clothes came off, that would be it. Hes not freakishly hyperconcerned with the sensitivity of his testicles. Not at all. Its just that in the past, theyve caused him some discomfort, which hed like to avoid in the future if he could manage it.
Easy enough, the plainspoken reader might be thinking. Adrian should say, Before I take my pants off, I want you to know that my testicles are very sensitive.
Sounds simple. Maybe this fresh breath of honesty would inspire something like the following exchange:
YOU: Sensitive? Well, thanks for telling me.
ADRIAN: Sure thing.
YOU: So, kissing but no squeezing?
ADRIAN: Right.
YOU: While were talking... my nipples are sensitive too.
ADRIAN: Let me guess... sucking and licking but no pinching?
YOU: Why, yes. You really understand me.
ADRIAN: And you understand me.
YOU: Now that weve had this refreshingly honest conversation, Im hotter than ever for you.
ADRIAN: Likewise.
On the other hand, you might come back with, Testicles? What made you think I was going to touch your testicles in the first place?! Way too risky for Adrian Colesberry.
But what if you didnt have to learn about his testicles in the context of an awkward and potentially mood-wrecking conversation? What if there existed some reliable source, like a book, where you could read, as a matter of indifferent fact, that Adrian Colesberrys testicles were very sensitive? Then your knowledge of how to handle them properly would be just another skill set in your possession, like long division or changing a tire.
Luckily, such a reliable source does exist! Its How to Make Love to Adrian Colesberry (by Adrian Colesberry). And in addition to informing you that Adrian Colesberrys testicles are very sensitive, its chock full of helpful examples of how to make love to Adrian Colesberry gathered from the real-life and mostly positive experiences of peoplepeople just like youmaking love to Adrian Colesberry.
A WORD ON VOCABULARY
Technically, there is no cursing in this book, not even the mild est curses like heck or shoot. So if you find yourself offended by the excesses of popular music lyrics or the profanities used on television programs, relax. Youll find no such loose language here. At the same time, only the most robust words in the English language are used in reference to fun parts and sex acts. To make this distinction perfectly clear: The word asshole is never used to mean a disagreeable person, but is generously employed in reference to the bodys back exit (or entrance, as you will).
There is one exception to this rule: Adrian Colesberry has forbidden the use of the languages strongest word for lady parts. Much like some ancient religions made it taboo to speak or write the name of their god, Adrian would not allow his most favored word for his most favored part of the human form to be used as a common reference in print.
Four words will be used in its place, because four words are required to match its strength: snatch, box, hole, and pussy (the last only in the context of oral intercourse).
THE QUICK-START GUIDE TO ADRIAN COLESBERRY
In case you cant wait to read a whole book before making love to Adrian Colesberry, this section provides some basic safety and handling tips. After using this guide to start out, be sure to read the detailed instructions that follow to ensure maximum enjoyment of Adrian Colesberry.
Testicles
Adrian Colesberrys testicles are very sensitive.
Arousal
Under normal operating conditions, Adrian Colesberry can be adequately aroused by tongue kissing. If you encounter Adrian Colesberrys shy penis, do not panic. Keep making out with him. If that doesnt work, just have him go down on you some more.
Make-Up Sex
Adrian Colesberry is unable to achieve an erection for at least twelve hours after a fight, a relationship talk, or any form of crying. Because of this feature, Adrian Colesberry is not equipped for make-up sex. There is no hardware or software upgrade that can be obtained to override this limitation.
Power Sources
Adrian Colesberry should be fed only the type of food indicated by Adrian Colesberry. If you are not sure what type of food is in your home, consult your roommate or your mother. If you intend to operate Adrian Colesberry for an extended time without food, refer to Adrian Colesberry.
Control
Use only those methods of control that are covered by these operating instructions. Aggressive, passive-aggressive, or other unauthorized methods may result in damage and will often require extensive work by a qualified technician or by Adrian Colesberry to restore Adrian Colesberry to his normal operation.
Modifications
Do not attempt to change any part of Adrian Colesberry. Your authority to operate Adrian Colesberry could be voided if you make changes or modifications not expressly approved by Adrian Colesberry.
LEGAL DISCLAIMERS
Adrian Colesberry makes no representations concerning any endeavor to review the content or any of the information (collectively, the Materials) contained in or discussed in How to Make Love to Adrian Colesberry. You hereby acknowledge that any reliance upon the Materials shall be at your own risk. Adrian Colesberry does not make any warranty, express or implied, or assume any legal liability or responsibility for the accuracy, completeness, usefulness, legality, or decency of any information, apparatus, product, or process disclosed, or represent that its use would not infringe upon privately owned rights. Adrian Colesberry respects the rights of others. If you believe that your rights have been infringed upon in any way, please desist immediately from reading the Materials and/or interacting with Adrian Colesberry.
When used in the Materials, the words love, fuck, cum, erection, orgasm, and similar expressions are intended to identify physical and/or emotional potentialities. Such concepts are subject to risks and uncertainties that could cause actual results to differ materially from those projected. Factors that could cause or contribute to the achievement of such potentialities include timely development of a sexual or emotional attachment that is sufficiently motivating to Adrian Colesberry, receipt of necessary verbal or nonverbal approvals, maintenance of sufficient psychological health and other factors set forth in various works of nonfiction and fiction, including but not limited to Costa Rica: The Last Country the Gods Made
