Campbell Jim - The football ramble by four men who love the game they hate

THE MAJORITY OF you know The Football Ramble as the four men on the microphones each week, but there is a fifth man in our number Jon Teague. It is no exaggeration to say that he takes leadership and responsibility for anything and everything that occurs when the mics are faded down (and also one or two things when theyre faded up), from organisation of live shows to the securing of commercial agreements, not to mention his tireless work to improve our frankly appalling diary management. We wouldnt be in the position to write our first book (or indeed do anything much) without him. Whats more, he does all of this for minimal credit and recognition. Jon, we salute you and your incessant and relentless Spurs knowledge. Thank you, sir!

Thanks also must go to our Dutch uncle, Ben Bailey Smith, and our adopted son, Joel Grove, as well as our online king Matt Isherwood and queen, the Always Excellent Kelly Welles. Cheers also to acast for having our backs, everyone at Penguin Random House but particularly James Keyte and Ben Brusey, as well as Paul at Absolute Radio. Ed Davis must be thanked for providing the subtitle it was a spot-on observation and we couldnt agree with it more.

This book is also for Chris Applegate and Chris Wildey, no longer of this parish but forever somehow a part of it.

The Football Ramble would also like to individually thank:

I would like to thank my amazing wife-to-be, Holly, for always being inspiring and understanding of a man who spends so much time at the behest of this ridiculous game. Thanks also to Mum, Dad and Andrew for always being supportive.

Thanks to Marcus, Luke, Pete and Jon Teague: I can think of no better people with whom to effectively spend most of my time in a cupboard. Extra thanks to Jon for doing the grown-up work like contracts and hanging rivals off bridges.

Thanks to Rupert Fryer for his invaluable help with understanding how the South American league systems work, or rather helping me to get a grasp on how actually they dont.

Last but by no means least, thanks to you, our readers and listeners. I wouldnt say that we couldnt do it without you, we could, but if we did it would just be pathetic by now.

Thanks first and foremost to my beautiful Mimi, youre everything to me.

Also to my wonderful family but particularly my late Uncle Les, who set the football fire blazing within me in the first instance. May it never be quenched!

Thanks to JT for everything youre not only a brilliant colleague but also a true friend. Thanks particularly for your help with the Media and Referees chapter, it was invaluable.

Thanks also to Thomas Moss, Dan Poulton, James Sullivan and Duncan Haskell for constant inspiration and Andy Brassell and James Horncastle, two men who wear their ridiculous football knowledge lightly enough to still be great company.

And to all our listeners for accompanying us on this wonderful journey. Youre the best co-pilots we could ask for.

Thanks first to my marvellous family Speller, aka the wind beneath my wings.

Also to Jamie, Paul and Ruth for making excellent sounding boards, as well as Laurence McKenna for the endless positivity and guidance.

I am especially appreciative to Jonathan, David and all the chaps at The Blizzard for the football knowledge, encouragement and ice cream.

A great big thank you from the very bottom of my heart to all of you for journeying with us on this football ramble. We couldnt and wouldnt do it without you.

And lastly, of course, my fellow Ramblers Jim, Jon, Luke and Pete without whom none of this would exist and thus life would be a lot less fun.

Thanks to Chankles, Alex G and his rabble, Matty, Marc, Al Z, Mam and Dad and Christine Fish. The Nonstuff crew and Les Ferdinand. Love ya x

The Football Ramble emerged from London towards the end of 2007 as a genuinely refreshing football voice, and quickly established itself as one of the most influential and entertaining shows about the worlds most popular sport.

Multi-award winning, it is now a must-listen for any discerning fan who enjoys the more entertaining side of the game.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Football Ramble

From the hosts of the UKs biggest independent sports podcast comes a celebration of football in all its forms.

Tackling the real issues from fans you wont see or hear on Sky Sports, or anywhere else for that matter, the boys rewrite football history in their own unique style.

From the weird to the wonderful, from the Alan Pardew to the Kevin Keegan, join Marcus, Luke, Pete and Jim as they guide you through the beautiful game.

After all, threes company, but fours a ramble

THERES SOMETHING IRRESISTIBLE about balls. If a ball is nearby then every atom of you is compelled to bounce it, throw it or kick it. It calls to you like a mysterious orb made of pure fun. You dont know why, you sometimes dont even notice it happening, but you just need to play with it.

Much is written about how football began, about who invented it and at what point it became enough like the game we have today to be considered football. Maybe it exists because it has to. Something about us needs to kick around a spherical object and football has evolved so that we can satisfy this urge. Its true beginnings probably come from our ancient ancestors kicking fruit about because when theres a roundish object on the ground something inside us just has to absolutely leather it. Even as a 34-year-old man Im still tempted by every stray bottle cap I come across. In fact I once broke my toe attempting to kick one, but thats a story for one other book. Kicking things is fun. Throw in an objective like scoring to give it some competitive purpose and you have a sport.

To people like ourselves, football is a big part of our lives that has always just been there. Weve been meeting since 2007 to enthuse and despair about it into microphones then release our thoughts into the wild simply because were hooked. All fans have a history with it, yet it has a long history without us. Of course it hasnt always just been there. Its evolved over time to become the behemoth it is now. However it started, its been quite a journey...

Football was formalised in England in 1863 when the Football Association got together in a pub and decided on a definitive set of rules for the sake of practicality. This is often considered to be the birth of the modern game but the true history of football goes back a lot further than that no doubt drunken afternoon. The Chinese have such a legitimate claim to have invented it that FIFA recognise one of their ancient sports, cuju the literal translation of which is to kick a ball as being the earliest form of football.

The first written reference to cuju came more than 2,000 years ago during the Han dynasty (206 BC AD 220). It began as military fitness training but became popular among the aristocracy, with games providing entertainment at the Emperors birthday celebrations and other formal occasions. Its hard to overstate how similar it became to modern football both in terms of the game itself and the role it played in society. It wasnt simply a primitive, lawless kickabout. It was a properly organised, competitive sport. Initially it was played with teams of twelve to sixteen players facing off on a square court, with six crescent-shaped goals at either end. Over time it evolved to become like a cross between volleyball and headers and volleys, played with a single goal located in the centre of the pitch. Players scored by shooting the ball through a hole in the middle. It had referees, penalties and many other things that are integral to the modern game. Maybe it even had frustrated tablet warriors, bashing abuse into bits of stone and chucking them at players after theyd had a bad game.