George V. Neville-Neil - The Kollected Kode Vicious

George V. Neville-Neil

Dear DK,

My job keeps me too busy to read real books about computer science. And I dont seem have a great attention span. But I know that everything about computers keeps changing rapidly, and Im afraid that Ill soon be obsolete if I dont keep up with the field.

Can you suggest any reliable source of current information, by which I might painlessly improve the quality of my work?

Harried Information Hider

Dear Harried,

For many years DK has been a fan of the regular columns by Kode Vicious in Communications of the ACM. The topics are not only timely, theyre explained with wit and elegance. KV is not afraid to take unpopular views, and he savagely dissects lots of the insanity that tends to be spreading around.

So DK thinks you ought to try it out. In fact, theres even a better way now, because KV has gathered his columns together and extended them into a book. That book may be just what you crave.

About attention span, on the other hand, thats a tougher problemespecially for people of your generation. Consider spending some time on a desert island, with no access to the internet. Just go somewhere where the weather and accommodations are nice. Take a good technical book with you and lots of scratch paper and pencils and erasers.

A pedagogical book thats full of exercises with worked answers would be especially useful.

In fact, if you happen to choose one of DKs own books, you might even find that it contains a quotation by KV himself.

Of course you should also take a copy of KVs book, to keep you grounded.

DK

Dear DK,

Somebody told me that youre a regular reader of Kode Viciouss column, which features answers to letters that he supposedly receives.

When I look closely at those letters, however, it seems to me that they are too perfect. Nobody ever sends me letters that are so well written and to the point.

Do you believe KV forges those letters, or are they actually real?

Skeptical Inquirer

Dear Skeptical,

Indeed, thats exactly the question that DK asked KV, when meeting him in person at the Hackers Conference some years ago. And KV shamelessly admitted to ghost-writing.

But if you think about it, youll probably agree that the question-and-answer format is an ideal way to express ideas and to teach others. DK even bets that Plato himself ghost-wrote the dialogues that Socrates supposedly once had.

Guess what: That format is so effective, DK is now tempted to try it himself.

DK

Whats the worst that could happen?

Famous last words

Welcome to an endeavor I never thought to undertake, the first book of Kode Vicious. In fact, I never thought Id write a column for a magazine or that that column would run for more than 15 years and more than 100 articles, but life is full of strange twists and turns, especially when you dont duck quickly enough when a table full of your peers is looking for a victim...I mean volunteer!

So now Id like to throw out the worst idea of all time. With these words, from Wendy A. Kellogg, the idea that was to become Kode Vicious was born. It should be someone from the board. Someone with an attitude problem. Someone bald. Back in the early days of Queue, I was the only bald board member, though at that point Id already been shaving my head for a decade.

In February 2004 I was, along with the rest of the Queue editorial board, attending our monthly meeting where we get together and try to come up with interesting topics, and authors for Queue. It was the early days of the magazine, then in its fourth year, and though we had had several successful issues, we had no regular columnists. I had been invited to the board meetings by Eric Allman, and then written a couple of pieces for the magazine, and was working on co-authoring my first book, but I had never been a columnist, and although the idea seemed fun at the time, perhaps due to too much wine at dinner, I was at a loss of how to make it actually work.

The original idea for KV, as he came to be known, was actually for a more Miss Manners style of column, based on the famous work of Judith Martin, who I had read with my mom when I was a kid. I would write the pieces, in drag as it were, and this seemed like an interesting challenge. The first name for KV was Mother Code, and I submitted two pieces to our editors based on this persona.

A bit of the character sketch from our meeting might give a better idea of where this was going at the time: Although Mother is never harsh in her advice or criticism, she is also firm in her beliefs. The image is of a strong, but flexible and kind, advice giver. She also has a signature line on every piece, something like Dont forget to wipe your shoes or Remember to wear your galoshes but that is related to our audience. Something like, And remember, make sure your code builds before you check it in to the source tree.

In the end this all turned out to be unworkable for a couple of reasons. The most important reason why the original pieces didnt work is that its very hard to write as someone youre not. Although one or two pieces might have been possible in a very different guise, its far easier to write as someone closer to your own persona than it is to write as someone completely different. Lets face it, Miss Manners I aint.

I actually spent quite a while trying to come up with the persona I would use, including some obvious ones like Code Confidential and Code Critic as well as the embarrassing Captain Safety, Bug Basher, and Lint Picker before hitting on the word Vicious as a good one to use as a nom du plume. From there it was a quick romp through Kid Vicious, Code Vicious, and Vicious Kode to finally getting something that sounded right, Kode Vicious.

With the new name came a new character sketch:

Asshole with a heart of gold. Always willing to teach, but is unwilling to teach those who are not willing to learn. Think Zen monk in a Sex Pistols T-shirt who you worry about bringing to dinner. Often uses nose tweaks to show the student the way or at least a way.

I was off and running. I rewrote the original Mother, Code piece, So Many Standards, about picking coding standards and began my career as a columnist.

So, is the author behind Kode Vicious really a big loud jerk who throws co-workers out windows, flattens the tires of the annoying marketing guy, drinks heavily, and beats and berates his co-workers? The answer is both yes and no.

KV is a caricature, and people who know and have worked with me can easily see how I can write the pieces that I do. Of course, KV is someone I might want to be, or turn into, from time to time, a Hyde to my Dr. Jekyll. Usually I want to be KV when Im in one of those meetings where I take off my glasses, drop them loudly on the table, and run my hand over my bald head, thinking, How can anyone be so stupid?! If you are ever in a meeting with me and I do this, its a tell: Whoever just spoke is a moron. The fact is that beating, or berating, stupid people never makes them any smarter, so instead I turn those thoughts into articles for KV, who can rant about things without winding up in jail and hopefully do a small amount of good at the same time.

Its odd to think about literary influences for KV, but as with any writer, I have several, not least of which was my mother who I wrote about in