Ethridge - The fantasy fallacy: exposing the deeper meaning behind sexual thoughts

PRAISE FOR THE FANTASY FALLACY

If we are going to positively impact our sexually broken society, we must become real and relevant. Reading The Fantasy Fallacy will help us do just that.

CHRISTINE CAINE
FOUNDER, THE A21 CAMPAIGN

Pornography is poison. It peddles three toxic lies: Sex is cheap. Sex has no consequences. Sex requires no covenant. If our society continues to buy and believe these lies, then we can expect a slow, painful demise. Its not too late, however. But we must wake up and take a stand.

MAX LUCADO
PASTOR AND BEST-SELLING AUTHOR

Thank God for Shannon Ethridge. In a world caught up with cravings for new and more exciting sexual experiences, Shannon writes a psychologically balanced and scripturally compatible book. You will find this response to what appears to be a universal mania to be enlightening and encouraging as well as affirming of healthy sexuality. I enthusiastically endorse this book.

MARILYN MEBERG
AUTHOR, CONSTANTLYCRAVING; AND SPEAKER, WOMEN OF FAITH

It is not easy to swim against the current of popular culture. It isnt even necessary unless the current of popular culture is polluted, pulling good people to a place of pain and emptiness. The Fantasy Fallacy is more than a knee-jerk reaction to a harmless diversion. It is a well-researched rebuttal of a philosophy that is stealing true intimacy from the people who desire it most. Best of all, Shannons book provides a clear map to a real place of sexual and personal fulfillment in the real world we live in: a place called hope.

KEN DAVIS
AUTHOR, FULLYALIVE; AND PRODUCER, SCORRE CONFERENCE

Fantasy is tricky stuffso tricky that it is seldom addressed. Shannons approach is compassionate and compelling and, therefore, helpful. Im impressed with her speedy and thorough response to this topic.

ELISA MORGAN
AUTHOR, SPEAKER, AND PUBLISHER, FULLFILL.ORG

Sexual fantasies are normalbut for God-followers, often confusing. This book pulls back the curtains to reveal how we can use our sexual imaginations to enjoy true oneness with our spouses. Shannon Etheridge has shown light on a subject that too many have even feared to acknowledge. You dont want to miss her message.

DRS. LES AND LESLIE PARROTT
AUTHORS, LOVETALK

2012 Shannon Ethridge

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or otherexcept for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Thomas Nelson, Inc. titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fund-raising, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail SpecialMarkets@ThomasNelson.com.

Scripture quotations marked NCV are taken from New Century Version. 2005 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.TM All scripture quoted in Twelve Steps to Recovery () are from the 1984 edition. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked NIRV are taken from New International Readers Version 1996, 1998 by Biblica.

Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from Holy Bible, New Living Translation. 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

To protect the privacy of clients, some names and details have been changed, and some stories are composite characters. All of the contextual elements and results, however, are true. Permission has been granted for use of real names, stories, and correspondence with some individuals.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Ethridge, Shannon.

The fantasy fallacy : exposing the deeper meaning behind sexual thoughts / Shannon Ethridge.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN 978-0-8499-6469-5 (trade paper)

1. Sex--Religious aspects--Christianity. 2. Sexual fantasies. I. Title.

BT708.E844 2012

241.664dc23

2012030004

Printed in the United States of America

12 13 14 15 16 OG 5 4 3 2 1

To my Shrink Rap friends,
Jarratt, Tom, and Cheryl

Contents

by Stephen Arterburn

I never could have written a book about sexual fantasies were it not for the dozens of coaching clients willing to share the intimate details of their private thought lives. Thank you for your trust, courage, and humility.

And I couldnt have published such a book without a very courageous publisher behind me. Special thanks to Debbie Wickwiremy angel with cowboy bootsand the entire Thomas Nelson team for catching this vision and running with it. Joel Kneedler, thank you for believing in me and paving the way for this project.

When I started mentoring aspiring writers and speakers through the B.L.A.S.T. Program, I had no idea what a blessing it would become to me. Thanks to all of the B.L.A.S.T. participants who jumped into this manuscript headfirst with me! Lindsey Hartz, Carrie OToole, Christina Calk, and Sally Casanovahow I appreciate your countless hours of research assistance. Christy Kennard, Christy Johnson, Aniesha Kleinhammer, Aubrey Sampson, Crystal Sheren, and Rich Wildmanwhat a wonderful job you did providing editorial feedback every step of the way.

Several professional counselors and beloved colleagues were incredibly helpful in the development of this material, particularly Jarratt Major, Tom Haygood, Cheryl Mackey, Julianne Davis, and Chris Legg. Thank you for helping me help others while remaining true to Gods Word.

There arent words to express how grateful I am for the prayers of my family and more friends than could possibly be mentioned here. They have definitely sustained and strengthened me day by day.

To my closest friends who listened patiently (without cringing) as Ive repeatedly shared my passion for this topicTerrica Smith, Skyla Bradley, Jerry Speight, Rita Baloche, Nicki Bradshaw, Jim Bailey, and Marilyn Mebergwhat phenomenal cheerleaders youve been, and I love you dearly for it!

Finally, I want to thank my husband, who has been so great at helping me expose the deeper meaning behind my own fantasies. Greg, I couldnt ask for a better life partner and friend.

by Stephen Arterburn

S omething is obviously very wrong today in relationships. I was having breakfast with a couple of guys recentlyone was single, the other married. The single one was complaining about how hard it was to find a soul mate, a woman who would be interested in a guy like him.

He explained, Im not bad to look at, I have a good job and money in the bank, and I love God, but women dont seem to be satisfied with that. They fall for the bad guythe one who treats them like trash. They say they want a nice guy, but they dont really. They think they can take a bad boy and turn him into a good guy. But considering some womens track records, that apparently never works. They keep getting their hearts ripped out and stomped on, and I keep wondering, What cant they see in a guy like me?

The married man chimed in, explaining that it was a little different at his house. His wife seemed to be in search of something moresomething he didnt quite understand. She had been reading