Williams - Ask Wendy: straight-up advice for all the drama in your life

Australia

HarperCollins Publishers (Australia) Pty. Ltd.

Level 13, 201 Elizabeth Street

Sydney, NSW 2000, Australia

http://www.harpercollins.com.au

Canada

HarperCollins Canada

2 Bloor Street East - 20th Floor

Toronto, ON, M4W, 1A8, Canada

http://www.harpercollins.ca

New Zealand

HarperCollins Publishers (New Zealand) Limited

P.O. Box 1

Auckland, New Zealand

http://www.harpercollins.co.nz

United Kingdom

HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.

77-85 Fulham Palace Road

London, W6 8JB, UK

http://www.harpercollins.co.uk

United States

HarperCollins Publishers Inc.

10 East 53rd Street

New York, NY 10022

http://www.harpercollins.com

This book is dedicated to my handsome, insightful husband, Kevinmy partner, the love of my life. I also dedicate this to my beautiful, curious son, Kevin. Thank you both for adding so much to my life and for allowing me the room to soar to such great heights.

Go on... ask me anything. Thats what people have been doing for twenty-five years on the radio and on my TV talk show. Ask Wendy has become more than just a popular advice segment... its become my calling card. Wherever I go, aside from the usual How you doin? Youre so much prettier/thinner in person! I get served up a question: Wendy, my mother... Wendy, my boyfriend... Wendy, what would you do... I always say Im just a woman from New Jersey who is looking at the front door of fifty. I have no fancy degree to qualify me as an expert on relationships. But what I do have is a load of baggage. There are many things in life Ive done absolutely wrong that I am eager to cop to and hopefully help someone through my example. In my life, Ive met so many people with interesting situations and Ive seen people make some pretty stupid mistakes. I dont need to be burned by the fire to know to stay away from it.

Ive always thought Ask Wendy needed to be a book. Theres a lot of drama out there and only so much advice I can give in under three minutes. Often on the show, I dont have the opportunity to get my full thought out before we have to go to commercial break. I continue talking to the personbut the public isnt hearing it. What you hear is a sound bite, and often its just the tip of the iceberg. I want to go deeper. I want to really give someone who is confused, lost, or freaked out a solution they can use. I want to get to the heart of the issue: Whats really going on here?

So I was excited to sit down with some of your toughest problems and grapple with them. I also put out the word to my loyal audience: Send me your hardest relationship questions! The questions flooded in, questions ranging from Work Drama (Help! My boss is a psycho!) to Sex Drama (My boyfriend bit me!) to everything in between. I read each and every one of these letters and e-mailssome a dozen times over. Then I thought, What would I do if I were in your shoes? What is the underlying issue here? What are the repercussions?

If you ask my opinion, Im going to give it to you straight, no chaser. Each relationship you handle differently: How you handle your boyfriend is not how you handle your father. What you say to your best girlfriend you might never tell your mom. Which is why I organized my advice into chapters based on where the drama is coming from. That way, when an issue arises with your boss at work or your husband at home, you know what page to turn to. People have felt comfy telling me their drama for many years, and the older I get, the more drama I seem to attract! Theres something about me that puts people at ease to show their crazy.

But I have faith in people; I believe you have the power to solve your own problems. You just need a kick in the butt. If you havent figured it out already, I am all about getting your shit together. I dont believe that any situation is hopeless. As long as youve got a breath in your body and a brain in your head, you can move forward and fix things.

Every life has drama. If someone tells you their relationships are drama-free, they are full of it. I find that love them as we might, not everyone in our lives wishes the best for us. Some people like the drama; they love your mess and they feed off your misery. Its these folks you need to steer clear of. Not sure who they are? I am. I can smell em a mile away. Ill teach you how to weed out the toxic types, sort the friends from the frenemies, and keep the family ties from choking you. I want you to be proactive. Dont wait till drama rings your doorbell. Read this book, see whats out there, and be prepared to handle it.

Id like you to walk away wiser. Id like you to get a laugh out of some of the crazy shit people deal with (My husband has a flatulence problem...; My boyfriend told my mom Im great in bed...). Id like you to feel empowered to find your own answers and smooth out the bumps in your life. Sometimes I think you know the answer before you ask the questionyou just need someone to verbalize whats already in your heart and head. That would be meand I am happy to take on that role.

So ask away...

Wendy Williams

HOT TOPIC

Is Drama Good for You?

I know wed all prefer to live drama-free lives, but drama isnt always a bad thing:

It helps you define what you want/dont want in your life, i.e., a crappy dead-end job or a cheating boyfriend.

It encourages you to be proactive: Im fed up and Im not gonna take it anymore!

It makes you appreciate what really matters: loving, supportive people in your life and your own personal happiness.

It lets you reexamine and reevaluate: What am I doing? Why am I doing it?

It moves you forward, rather than standing still. If youve got aggravation, youre going to have to do something about it.

Admittedly, I am not the easiest girlfriend to get along withand thats because I believe that we outgrow our friendships. I feel that there is a season and a reason for every friend in our lives. Friendships fade. Ive seen this happen time and time again. The girls who were so important to me in elementary school in New Jersey virtually vanished from my life in high school. Could I have tried harder to maintain these friendships? Could I have clung to them, tooth and nail? Sure. But Im a practical person. I understand that people grow up and grow apart.

When I got to college in Boston, many of my NJ friendships dissipated. I didnt have tons of money or time to spend hours on the phone catching up, or to take a flight or a bus back and forth. When I was working day and night to build my career, some people in my life whom I was close with got tired of my schedule. And when I got married and had a kid, there were a few single ladies who couldnt handle it. I had left the team. In all these cases, we stopped fitting into each others lives.

I can see some of you shaking your heads at me. Youre not going to ask me to join your book club or knitting circle any day soon! Youre the girl who considers her friendships to be the most precious relationships in her life. If that works for you... fine. But if your girlfriend is giving you grief (and from the sound of some of the messages in this chapter, many of them are!), then you have my permission to cut the ties. I want you to understand that your well-being, your dreams, your sanity, trumps any girlfriends bitching and moaning. Do you hear that? You asked me... so I told you. I believe in breaking up with your BFF.