An Uptight Seattleite - A Sensitive Liberals Guide to Life

Table of Contents

Why seek advice from a Seattleite? You may have read stories in The New York Times travel section about Seattles seafood, progressive politics, and funky neighborhoods. And Im out to prove that, though we may know a bit more about recycling than you, we definitely still know how to get fun-kay! So I hope we can go through the friendly reminders collected here in a spirit of open-minded exploration.

Im not making out that Seattle is some kind of perfect place though. Seattle is no Portland. Did you know that Portland has a train system powered entirely by magnets and gravity? That its downtown is a no-car, leash-free meadow; that in place of the supermarkets driven out by their No Chain Store Act they have a network of cooperatively run farmers markets; and that pedaling silhouettes crisscross the sky in glass-enclosed bikeways? Hamster tunnels, the locals affectionately call them. Theyre all paid for with a carbon tax levied against the citys suburbs.

You might object that none of these things are true. Well, facts can be PRET-ty slippery things. So-called objective reality has been extensively problematized. Besides, I think we need to get beyond the whole whos right and whos wrong mentality here. Dont worry though, thats one of the things were going to work on in this book.

But gosh, where are my manners? I havent even introduced myself properly and Im already starting to ramble. So let me back up and say, first of all, welcome to the book! Now that this book is in your hands, you may wonder what its all about. Well, as an advice columnist for the Seattle Weekly, I act as the citys life coach, counseling its citizens on everything from silly little dilemmas in the coffee shop to this whole crazy business of being human. From whats the darn meaning of it all? to how much do I tip? The column is a place where readers convene every week to exchange my ideas and then go on their way, refreshed and replenished. So some of what Ill be sharing here will be letters directly from the column. Other times itll be just be you and me, hanging out and rappin. Like were doing right now.

Will reading this book make you a more sensitive, globally aware person and lead you toward an enriched spiritual life? A life attuned to an infinity of harmonious cycles, from the beating of your heart to the spinning of the stars? Only if I do my part and not press too hard here. A light touch is key. A light touch still has friction though, and you just might experience sparks of static electricity between your eyes and the page. But the most important thing here is fun, and were definitely going to have that. Heck, sometimes our discussions about race, the environment, and body shame are going to get nuttier than a box of crackers!

One quick thing to address before we get down to it (I told you wed have funk, er, fun!). Where do I get my ideas? Lots of people wonder that. Even if they dont ask. Well, for one thing, I carry a little notebook around. A Moleskine, the legendary notebook thats held the ideas of such artists and freethinkers as Picasso, Hemingway, and Bruce Chatwin. I dont think its necessary for everyone to carry a Moleskine. But me, I guess you could say Im kind of an ideas geek.

You may sometimes see me in the morning with my Moleskine, porcelain Swan Neck pen pressed pensively to my lips, gazing out the window of the No. 5 bus as it rumbles over the Aurora Bridge high above Lake Union. Maybe youll notice the dreamy look in my eyes as I grasp in my silly way at the wisdom in the air above Mount Rainier. If a wry little smile suddenly flashes across my face, it may mean Ive wrestled a helpful little nugget out of the ether. Like the page Ive turned to in my Moleskine where the words Let go! are underlined three times. Is this a reminder for myself or my readers? Both, of course. I find its helpful to let my private and public jottings flow into one another. The way ALL THINGS CONSIDERED uses a tender, tinkly little variation on its theme music to transition from a story about poverty to a personal essay segment. The music indicates how we should feel about poverty (sad) and also gives us a meditative space to Let go! and relax into the folksy ramblings of someone remembering the smell of her grandmothers kitchen. Thats why Ive made some of my private jottings from my Moleskine available throughout the book. If you dont at first see how my private musings are relevant, thats OK! You will! Because I sense you want to grow. That you can grow.

Uh-oh! We havent even gotten started and Im already breaking our little Covenant of Fun by getting all heavy on you. From now on Ill always try to cushion my words with that all-important fun factor, because I know its tough to find out youre wrong. At least I imagine it is.

Sometimes when Im using chopsticks to eat bi bim bop at my local Korean restaurant, I notice other people using spoons to eat their own bi bim bop. I smile at them and their spoons. My smile says, Hey, great for you! Youre branching out and trying something new, even if thats a little uncomfortable for you. You might find that your experience of another culture is even more enriching if you try using chopsticks. Just a thought! Enjoy your meal! That really sums up what were going to discuss here: how the buffet of diversity is best enjoyed with unfamiliar utensils.

Before we get into a discussion of how to relate to people of all sortsbe they differently hued or simply given to sneezing more than seems wholesomeI want to make one thing clear: I include myself here. I dont hold myself up as someone who doesnt need this kind of advice. But since were on the topic, Ill just throw it out there that Im pretty much color-blind. I cant help itI just see people, period. This one time, when I met a new co-worker? Someone asked me later what he looked like, and I didnt remember. When pressed, I could dimly recall that he was a six-foot-five Filipino squinting into the sunset, with a blood-red kerchief tied neatly about his throat. Whatever, though, right? Because what difference did it make?

Bon apptit!

The bottom line is that all people must be respected as individuals. To that end, lets divide them into categories and talk about them in terms of these categories.

Like black men who ski. Is there something surprising about that? Co-workers who speak Spanish. Or do they? Sneezing Indians. What does Indian mean in this case?

Exactly! Your questions show how fast youre catching on, and that youre ready to meet the people in our first group. OK, roll em Murray! (There isnt really a guy in a booth named Murray who makes the letters appear on the page, but isnt it fun to pretend there is?)