Table of Contents
To all the me, myself, and Is
FOREWORD
Betty A. Dodson, PhD
ON THE VERY FRONT LINES of sex education today in America are the wise and wonderful people working in woman-owned sex stores across the country, and the women who bring sex toys to women at home parties. Both of these groups of teachers have the powerful and rare ability to come into direct contact with a cross-section of women and men and talk to them about how they can enhance their sexual pleasure.
The most incredible thing about sex education is that when an educator shares something new with a customer or clienta technique to try, a toy to include in sex playoftentimes, that person then shares the knowledge with his or her partner. Sex education is easily passed along to otherseven an inexpensive novelty item that will bring a few laughs in bed can open up new feelings and sensations; a goofy toy might encourage communication between a couple whove stopped talking about sex; a quality electric vibrator might kick off a few big, juicy orgasms for a postmenopausal woman who has given up on sexual satisfaction altogether.
Jamye Waxman has been an essential part of this army of sex educators. She has a masters degree in sex education, so shes quite knowledgeableabout the body, sexual relationships, sex toys, how they work, what they can do, and what women want. Shes heard from the preorgasmic soccer mom living in New Jersey to the hottie twentysomething Wall Street broker who cant come with her boyfriend. Im grateful to Jamye for sharing her insight with so many lucky people, especially during a time in our country when young people have no sex education at all. The abstinence-only-until-marriage message supported by our sex-fearing government has been a terrible failure, but at least we have intelligent women like Jamye to encourage awareness and impart new knowledge.
Id like to say that weve come a long way since I began liberating masturbation back in the 60s. But when it comes to the acceptance of this basic sexual activity, I believe America has gone backward. I myself have spent a lifetime exploring different aspects of sexualitystarting with romantic loves, a monogamous marriage, divorce, and the swinging 60s, and then moving into the 70s dream of utopia through pot and universal love, consensual BD/SM play in the 80s, and twenty years of leading masturbation workshops. After all of this, Im convinced that experience is the best teacherand the next best teachers are the educators like Jamye Waxman, who enlighten, advise, amuse, encourage, and make sex and intimacy that much more fulfilling.
So start turning the pages of Getting Off and listen to all the ideas Jamye has to offer. Her love of sex shines through as she shares within these pages what shes learned. And then, after you do, consider sharing what youve learned with a friend or a partner. Because we need another million like Jamye to join together on the barricade against sexual ignorance. Make no mistake: Until we accept and honor masturbation as the foundation for all of human sexual activity, society will continue to be manipulated through shame and guilt by authoritarian religions and totalitarian governments. Its happening in America right now, and our best hope is to return pleasure-based power to the people by liberating masturbation once, and for all, and forever more.
Betty A. Dodson, PhD
Author of Sex for One and Orgasms for Two
www.bettydodson.com
INTRODUCTION
MASTURBATION. HOW CAN ONE simple word be so complex?
Thats the million-dollar question, the one masturbators and would-be masturbators (as well as parents, churches, and teachers) have been asking themselves for what seems like forever. Lets face it, masturbation has been around as long as there has been someone who had something that felt good to stroke or to rub. Some still argue that masturbation is evil, more evil I than the teacher who made you stay after school to scrape gum out from under the desks. Others believe that masturbation is healthy, like eating your fruits and steaming your vegetables.
Getting Off promotes the latter view, of course, and its a book thats particularly focused on female masturbation. When I started researching the topic, I thought society as a whole had come a long way in terms of the overall acceptance of masturbation among women. But it turns out that acceptance has its limits. The truth is that we as a society are much more comfortable with guys pulling their chains than with women petting their kitties. Although as a feminist Id like to believe otherwise,when it comes to celebrating female sexuality, we dont live in a society that values women the same way it does men. We still have a ways to go until masturbation is realized as a healthy, normal part of womens sexualitywhich is why this book isnt only about how to masturbate. Most of you, if you masturbate, have a way you like to get it done. For those of you who dont, welcome, and I hope you find a way to masturbate that works for you. But for all of us, regardless of our experiences to date, this book is also a reminder of the struggle to accept and make peace with masturbation as an important piece of the sexual equation.
Most of us arent taught how to masturbate; we figure that out on our own. What we are taught is how were supposed to feel about doing it, and what other people feel about us, or anyone else, doing it. Its one of those things that we just dont talk about with others. Ive noticed that lots of women would still rather talk about their last sexual encounter, or their upcoming date, than discuss the ways in which they can satisfy, or have satisfied, themselves. For every proud proclaimer of solitary sex theres another one who offers a disclaimer like, I was desperate, bored, or too tired for intercourse. We need to stop thinking of masturbation as an excuse for not having partnersex, or a backup plan in case our partners fail. We need to remember that masturbation is the safest, most uncomplicated, and most easily satisfying form of sex.
I didnt come out of the womb tickling my clitty, and I havent always been a one-woman sex machine. Ever since I became a strokette, however, Ive enjoyed my sexual self so much more. I didnt discover the benefits of masturbation until I was twenty-one years old; I was already sexually active, and I didnt love my body, or myself, in the ways I should have. It amazes me to this day how I never cared about taking care of myself, or even making sure I came during sex (at least every once in a while). I was so busy wanting to touch everybody else and being the best sex partner I could be that I never focused on my own pleasure. Of course, life is a continual experience, and if I had not been where I once was, who knows where Id be now. But Im happy that I have no one to thank for my first orgasm but myself.
Before that first self-love Saturday night in the fall of 1996, I never even knew if Id had an orgasm. I just assumed that I must have. (I
