Nancy Warren - Face- Off

O NE MORE TIME, B IG J, scrape that blade down your face and look into the camera like this is the greatest shave of your life, the enthusiastic director instructed him as though this was the first take of the shaving commercial and not the eighth.

Jarrad McBride experienced a flash of annoyance. He knew the guy was only doing his job, but he hated being called Big J. It was a hockey-player nickname, and he wasnt a hockey player anymore. What he was, was a guy who peddled shaving cream and toothpaste on TV. He had no idea why anybody would buy shaving cream cause a guy who used to shoot pucks down the ice appeared on their flat screen and told them to, but hed long ago worked out that the world was a crazy place, and L.A. was the epicenter of crazy.

If you keep him lathered up much longer hes going to get a rash, Lester Salisbury said. Lester was his manager and the reason for all these promotional opportunities. He was smart and knew Jarrad well enough that hed picked up on the annoyance, even if hed misinterpreted the cause.

Thats okay, Les. If I got paid this much money every time I shaved, Id be a wealthy man.

Youre already a wealthy man, Les reminded him as the young woman whose job it was to display the cream to best advantage on his face danced up and smoothed the edges with careful finger swirls as though she was icing a cake.

She was pretty, with flyaway blond hair and innocent blue eyes. Jarrad should hit on her, he knew that. Partly because of his reputation and also because of the way shed shot a couple of half scared, half hopeful glances at him; she obviously expected it. He didnt want to let her down, but he really didnt have the energy.

Still, he didnt want to hurt her feelings. Thanks, Jill, he said.

Her eyes widened. You remembered my name?

In fact, he had a great memory, he remembered the names of a lot of people hed like to forget as well as his near and dear, and when people drifted in and out of his lifeas an astonishing number seemed to dohe tried to pay attention at least while they were in his orbit.

Jill seemed like a nice enough girl, but he could see shed bore him in an evening. He suspected that if she didnt get hit on by a guy of his reputation, shed take it the wrong way. How could I forget someone who takes care of me so well, he said, smiling. Then, for the ninth time, he picked up the razor and stared into the movie camera.

Todd, the director, said, And three, and two and one, and on cue Jarrad scraped the blade slowly down his face.

Great, Todd said with as much enthusiasm as if hed just played Hamlet on Broadway to a standing ovation. Now, well get you shaved and then well do your speaking part. Jill toweled the white stuff off his face.

A professional barber was waiting for him in the film studios dressing room. Personally, he thought it was cheating to pretend that one brand of shaving cream could give as good a look as a pro, but, as Les often reminded him, nobody paid him to think.

Looking good, buddy, his manager said as he walked him down the hall.

Once hed been shaved, moisturized and hair-styled, the makeup woman tried to dab makeup on his scar, but he put up a hand to stop her. That scars my trademark, honey. You cover that up, peoplell wonder what else youre hiding.

Luckily, Todd sided with him, so he was allowed to finish the shoot looking at least a little bit like himself.

The enthusiasm was as thick as the shaving cream when the director prepared him for his pitch. Remember, you believe in this product. When you say your lines, think about something that really excites you.

Okay. Sounded easy enough to think of something that excited him. He searched. His mind was blank. He could think about sex but that only reminded him of the tabloid pictures of his ex-wife cavorting in Belize, letting the world know shed traded up to the NBA.

He could think about his bank balance, but he knew hed never be able to spend all his money no matter how long he lived, which for some reason made him wonder how old hed be when he kicked it. Another uninspiring thought.

Most of his greatest moments had happened in hockey rinks, but his retirement was still too raw, too unexpected. His mind veered away.

Finally he moved back to childhood, settled on a memory of going to the pound and picking out a puppy when he was a kid. He and his sister both went, his baby brother not being thought of yet, and even though they argued about everything, theyd instantly agreed on the eager-looking young black Lab whod squirmed and danced with excitement at their visit, licking their faces and making them all laugh. Hed wanted to call the dog Lucky, Samantha argued for Lucy and somehow they ended up calling the dog Fred.