Fr. Lawrence Lovasik - Clean Love in Courtship

Clean Love in Courtship

Rev. Lawrence G. Lovasik, S.V.D.

Copyright 1974 by TAN Books.

Cover design by Milo Persic.

Originally published by Fathers Rumble and Carty, Radio Replies Press, Inc., St. Paul, Minn., U.S.A.

Complete and Unabridged.

TAN Books
Charlotte, North Carolina
www.TANBooks.com

2013

CONTENTS

FOREWORD

My dear young friend:

This booklet contains heart-to-heart advice to safeguard your deepest and most enduring happiness. It points out to you the many dangers you will meet with along your way of company-keeping and the various aids God gives you to preserve your youthful love pure and happy. If these danger-signals are faithfully observed, you will shy away from the treacherous quicksands of sin and the slimy serpent of lust which seeks to creep into your friendship to leave its sting of death. In placing this booklet into your hands I have no intention of robbing your young love of its innocent pleasures, but rather do I wish to ensure you good clean fun and pleasures which do not backfire. Therefore, direct your company-keeping according to the sound principles of the Church that it may square with Christ's law of honor and purity. Your love and courtship will then be fair, and you will be happy before and after marriage.

I dedicate these pages to our Lady Immaculate, the gracious Patroness of Catholic Youth, that through them she may lead you to a deeper friendship with Jesus, her loving Son and your Best Friend.

FR. LAWRENCE G. LOVASIK, S.V.D.

Sacred Heart Mission House
Girard, Pennsylvania

CHAPTER I

PURITY IN COMPANY-KEEPING

Marriage Is Sacred

Marriage is a serious life-long career, ordained by God for the highest possible natural functions. God considers this contract of marriage to be so important that He made it a sacrament. Through this sacrament grace is conferred upon the contracting parties for the proper exercise of their duties towards each other and towards their children, and for the furtherance of their happiness in the family.

The primary purpose of marriage is the bringing of children into the world. Its secondary purposes are mutual help of husband and wife in the care of the family and the allaying of concupiscence or the desires of nature. Marriage makes it possible for one to cooperate with God in the creation of life. It is the privilege of a father and a mother to be instruments that God uses to bring into the world children made in His own image and likeness, children with immortal souls, children whose destiny it is to be God's children in this world and in the next.

Though marriage has its difficulties and responsibilities, it also has its tremendous God-given rewards: love and all that love means to human life; the beauty and joy of marital relationship; children, who bless and cement the union of the parents' hearts.

Since marriage is beautifully sacred, so should be the courtship that precedes it. Your courtship must be pure if it is to be happy; and pure and happy, it will provide the test of character that is necessary for a blessed and a happy marriage. Only too frequently an improper courtship results in an unhappy marriage. You will trace your broken heart and wretched life to your failure to realize the difference between love and lust in courtship.

The Danger in Personal Sex Attraction

Sex attraction in God's plan begins normally with adolescence. During the formative years immediately afterwards it serves the purpose of uniting boys and girls together in wholesome social activities. It enables them to get a proper appreciation of one another, showing their mutual dependence on, and mutual power over each other. This is general sex attraction.

Once sufficient maturity is reached, personal sex attraction follows. It differs from ordinary friendship and has a God-given purpose, namely, to attract and lock the hearts of two persons together so that each craves a complete oneness with the other. This desire to blend and share their entire lives is a perfect inducement to marriage.

But this type of sex attraction can easily prove a serious danger to your chastity because of the natural urge you have of expressing your love by kissing and embracing. In the beginning there might appear to be no danger at all because you would not think of any immodest show of affection. Nevertheless, you are emotionally thrilled just to be with this particular person who attracts you in a very special way. This emotional state is heightened by caresses, and physical passion is very easily aroused. Physical passion cannot be the aim of unmarried people in expressing their love.

Never forget the weakness of human nature! Ever since Adam fell, the appetites of the senses are no longer under the perfect command of reason. In order to subject these appetites, you must exert relentless effort and call upon the grace of God.

Young women should remember that they are generally not so strongly tempted through concupiscence as are men. The young man reacts quickly to stimulation, and such reactions bring with them an urge to just a little more intimacy, which very quickly means an urge to immodesty. If these urges are not controlled, the result is sin. A young woman, however, will very likely react less quickly in a physical way, though there is always a danger that emotion will cross the line into physical passion even in her case. But an even graver danger for her is that when her love is strongly stirred by marks of affection, she will yield to her friend's urges rather than offend him or lose him. When the fires of passion are once enkindled, a natural craving for self-surrender often overpowers her. This is the danger to chastity that is inherent in personal sex attraction.

Therefore, the impulses of personal and physical attraction, namely, the attraction of body to body, should be held in check. After marriage physical attraction has its place and is the full blossoming of the human sexual instinct. Sex is only then an aid to human perfection and a means of sanctifying and saving your soul if it conforms with the holy law of God.

Purity Is Beautiful

Faith tells you that the use of sexual powers according to the will of God is something beautifully sacred, but the exercise of that same power in any way whatsoever outside of marriage is a desecration; just as the Mass itself is the most glorious thing in the world when said by a true priest, but is a sacrilege of the worst kind when some imposter goes through the same ceremonies. The Christian attitude towards the body is one of great reverencereverence for something our Lord wishes to be sacred. Your body is your soul's helpmate in its quest for God. St. Paul says, "Your bodies are members of Christ... you are Christ's." For all these reasons you cannot use your body as an instrument of sin. That body is destined to rise with Christ in glory. At Communion Jesus plants in it anew the seed of the Resurrection. Your body is a temple of the Holy Ghost, for God dwells in your soul through sanctifying grace. That temple should never be desecrated by sin.