Adele Kennedy - Touching for Pleasure

Notice: Though all the exercises mentioned in this publication are simple and do not require physical exertion, it is always wise to consult a physician to determine your ability to participate in the program.

TOUCHING FOR PLEASURE

MCMLXXXVI, MCMLXXXVIII, MCMXCIV, MMXIII by Chatsworth PressTM. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Masters & Johnson Human Sex Response Chart used by permission.

Published in the United States of America.

eISBN 978-0-9850707-3-1, 0985070730 .epub

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For JoEmily, Edward, Joelle, and Justin

With deep gratitude we want to thank our publisher, Scott Brastow, for believing in us. To our editor, Jenny Gumpertz, much appreciation for her enthusiasm and willingness to join the team and make it better. And very special thanks to Joann Daley, whose brilliant art work and aesthetic sense made our words come to life. A big thank you to all the many sex therapists and surrogates, clients, students, and friends who have contributed to and supported the ideals and values set forth in this book. And finally, we are warmed and pleased by all of you who have permitted yourselves to be touched by us through the pages of this book.

A.K.

S.D.

Through our individual pursuits and exposures, we are both of the same mind regarding sexual fulfillment. In order for a persons sexual capabilities to be fully realized, sensuality must be addressed. As a way of increasing sexual responsiveness, we have devised a program based on touching as a key principle in pleasuring. It is our belief that when sexual agendas are eliminated and replaced by sensual awareness, performance anxiety and other self-imposed obstacles are reduced accordingly. This book is the compilation of our professional and personal experiences. It is intended for anyone who enjoys feeling good and has room to feel better.

For purposes of clarity and continuity we have chosen to use the feminine gender in addressing the reader. This simply avoids the tedium of using he/she or the impersonal it. This book is for both male and female readers and we have made every effort to convey that through the structure of the contents. All the anecdotes in the text are taken from the authors personal and professional experiences. To protect the privacy of those individuals wishing anonymity, situations and distinguishing characteristics have been disguised.

A.K.

S.D.

The need for bonding remains with us throughout our lifetime.

From the moment of birth our tactile sense is being stimulated. Pushed out, picked up, slapped on the bottom, we are placed at our mothers breast, and a bonding process begins.

The need for bonding, or close physical contact with another human being, remains with us throughout our lifetime. Some of us repress our craving for warmth and affection, while others go to extremes to obtain it. Much of how we function as adults depends on how we were nurtured during infancy.

No one is exempt from needing to be touched. We have all experienced moments when the touch of a hand on our shoulder or a reassuring hug was all that was needed to reduce our fear, anxiety, or loneliness. Touching is an act of love, a way of communicating without words.

Ideally we touch and are touched from birth to death, but unfortunately this is not always the case. We are all plagued, to a certain degree, by social and familial conditioning from our early childhood. As children we were curious to touch everything we saw. But frequently as our hands reached out to explore, an adult voice could be heard to say, Dont touch, followed by an assortment of reasons implying that touching could be dangerous, rude, disrespectful, shameful, unsanitary, and even sinful.

Many of us have been taught, either openly or by example, that touching is prurient in nature and as such is something to be suspicious of and avoided. This kind of ingrained thinking is often responsible for the sexual dysfunctions we experience as adults. These constraints are difficult to shed, further inhibiting us from natural physical contact with others.

All too often we become embarrassed by accidental touching, especially in public. Even an innocent handshake, if too prolonged, can be misconstrued as an invitation to a sexual encounter. Because touching has an excess of negative associations, with very little provocation it seems we flee from intimacy.

Certain other cultures are less inhibited about touching. For example, in the Soviet Union, as in Latin countries, men openly embrace in public. Americans have a more difficult time accepting open exchange of affection between heterosexual males.

Women are generally freer about hugging each other and holding hands. But if a woman is naturally demonstrative with men, her behavior can be easily misunderstood. Traditionally, a woman is taught to control any display of affection that could be interpreted as sexual; except with her partner. Being a good girl has remained an underlying symbol of Americana.

It would be wonderful if we could all have a second chance to undo our earlier days when all of this negative imprinting began. When we compare our society with others and their treatment of the young, we begin to understand why we have progressed so slowly in tactile communication. We prop our babies in infant seats, balancing their bottles in their mouths; whereas in other countries babies are strapped to their mothers in such a way that the breast is accessible at all times.

The American infant is frequently amused by music, video, and other gadgetry, instead of being held and caressed by human hands.

For our infants sleep problems we have been equally inventive. Pacifiers, wind-up swings, and medication can quiet the most restless child. Yet comforting arms and body caresses would be more effective than the most sophisticated mechanical equipment.

In the adolescent years, the parents and child begin to withdraw from one another; the teenager out of a sense of self-consciousness with her new feelings and physical changes, and the parents out of book-learned attitudes and discomfort with their developing offspring.

Hugging, kissing, and physical closeness may diminish or stop completely then, leaving the young adults starved for affection. This hunger is often satiated through the indiscriminate sex with peers; a way of continuing the touching where the parents left off.

Unfortunately, we cannot go back to the beginning, but we can improve upon the present. Although cultural attitudes toward touching are still restrictive, we can attempt to transcend the dogma that has colored our ability and willingness to be touched, and eradicate touch starvation from our lives.