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Praise for
A Dudes Guide to Baby Size
As a dad, I find the biggest gift another dad can give me is their honesty. The assignment of caring for another human being can be insanely daunting, and knowing that other dads, like Taylor, are dealing with the same stuff and able to encourage and joke about it is all I want to hear.
Tony Hale , actor and comedian
Your partner is pregnant? This book will guide you through the dos and donts, which will really cut down the number of times you hear, Remember when I was pregnant and you thought it was a good idea to? A Dudes Guide to Baby Size will give you the perspective of a dad whos been there, done thatand his wife still loves him. Through his down-to-earth tone filled with humor, great anecdotes, and heartfelt advice, Taylor Calmus will help you make the most of whats guaranteed to be the most crazy, nerve-racking, and beautiful adventure of your entire life.
Kristina Kuzmi , speaker and author of Hold On, But Dont Hold Still
This is the book I needed fifteen years ago. New parenthood books scared the crap out of me, but Taylors book gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling and helps me realize everything will be okay. It makes me want to have another baby, except theres nothing in the book about how to reverse a vasectomy.
Penn Holderness , chief creative officer of Holderness Family Productions and co-author of Everybody Fights: So Why Not Get Better at It?
Do you want to have a better understanding of what both mom and baby are going through during pregnancy? Taylor walks you through this journey in a way that not only helps a soon-to-be dad understand the logistics of pregnancy but also invites him into connecting with the baby before birth. He shares personal stories of parenting young children, lessons learned, and prompts to help you envision what its going to be like to have the best title in the world: Dad. Im super proud of Taylor and this book, and Im not just saying that because hes my husband!
Heidi Calmus , wife and mother
A Dudes Guide to Baby Size
No book can replace the diagnostic expertise and medical advice of a trusted physician. Please be certain to consult with your doctor before making any decisions that affect your health, particularly if you suffer from any medical condition or have any symptom that may require treatment.
Text copyright 2022 by Taylor Calmus
Illustrations copyright 2022 by David Lindroth Inc.
All rights reserved.
Published in the United States by WaterBrook, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC.
WaterBrook and its deer colophon are registered trademarks of Penguin Random House LLC.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Calmus, Taylor, author.
Title: A dudes guide to baby size : what to expect and how to prep for dads-to-be / by Taylor Calmus.
Description: Colorado Springs : WaterBrook, [2022] | Includes bibliographical references.
Identifiers: LCCN 2021061611 | ISBN9780593194416 (hardcover) | ebook ISBN9780593194423
Subjects: LCSH: Pregnancy. | Fatherhood.
Classification: LCC RG551 .C35 2022 | DDC 618.2dc23/eng/20220203
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021061611
waterbrookmultnomah.com
Cover design: Pete Garceau
ep_prh_6.0_139899382_c0_r0
INTRODUCTION
GENTLEMEN, START YOUR ENGINES
Well, youve done ityouve gotten your lady pregnant. Boom. Nailed it! Isnt it funny how you never know if your boys can swim until they do? Well, cheers to you, my friend. Your loins are home state to at least one squirmy little Olympian. If your wife gave you this book and youre confused right now, let me just say this one more time
YOU ARE GOING TO BE A FATHER. CONGRATS!
In less than forty weeks, youll be a pop holding your dear little offspring, but so much will happen between now and then. Your house will become cluttered with baby paraphernalia, your Corvette may get traded in for a Honda Odyssey, and your lady will gain a solid twenty to forty pounds. Thats the equivalent of an average-sized house dog. But you know all that already! What you dont know is what is happening inside your wifes incubatorthe womb. She surely has a few books comparing your unborn child to an apple or a stalk of broccoli, but I take issue with that. First off, your baby isnt some weenie little vegetable. Your baby is a hardcore little badass that is straight-up growing organs on a weekly basis. Second, how big is a stalk of broccoli? What the heck is a kumquat? Nope. No more. I introduce to youA Dudes Guide to Baby Size.
Inside this book youll find information on your growing baby, encouragement for helping Mom-to-be, and ideas for how to begin to become a Dude Dad. Each weeks title, along with the corresponding image, is an example of what the babys size is at that weekbut the object is something a dad will know!
Now, I know guys dont like to be told how to do things; I dont either. Its why we dont stop for directions. I hate those videos of people telling parents the proper way to get their kids to poop or how to make a baby sleep for fourteen hours straight. Nobodys an expert on parenting. Okay, maybe you are if you have ten or more kids and theyre all nuns, but otherwise, nope. Youre just winging it. I know Im not an expert. Ive read only three books about parenting (and this is one of them). Plus, every kid is unique and wired differently. But have I gone through this? Yes. Can I tell you about my experiences and hope youll learn something from them? Yeah, I can do that. Ill share my experiences and what has and hasnt worked for me. If you want to do it my way, cool. If you dontwell, good luck.
There are a lot of things a dad-to-be can do during pregnancy besides gaining more weight than the mom-to-be. Youre starting an amazing journey right now, so I hope I can come along and help you through to the moment you hold your little lug nut for the very first time. Think of me as your best friend who is eager to help you prepare for what will be the biggest transition of your life. This book isnt necessarily about pregnancy; its about fatherhood. Since these forty weeks are part of an incredible ride youre taking with your wife, these pages will help start to open you up to fatherhood.
Things Shell Say During the First Trimester
You did this. You did this to me.
Nothing fits. Im too small for maternity clothes and too big for regular clothesGuess its a leggings day.
Babe. You cannot let me eat after 6 p.m. anymore. No, I need you to pull your weight too. And that is watching mine.
(Twenty minutes later) You do not get to tell me when I can and cannot eat. Are you carrying a child?
My body is making a baby. What is your body doing? Just sweating and growing hair.
I have to pee. I have to pee. I have to pee. Oh my gosh, I have to pee. I have to pee.
Babe, I feel so sick. I havent been to Target in like four days. Thats how sick I feel. Think I could be having withdrawals.
Well, its actually super healthy for pregnant women to fart, so you should just be happy that Im healthy.
Zzzzzzz.
Babe, we need new shampoo. This scent makes me nauseous.