Jason Joseph - 101 Ways to Flip the Bird
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- Book:101 Ways to Flip the Bird
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- Publisher:Crown
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- Year:2008
- Rating:4 / 5
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101 Ways to Flip the Bird: summary, description and annotation
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101 Ways to Flip the Bird provides 101 creative ways to express exactly how you feel. Arm yourself with the perfect bird for every occasion:
Some jerk cut you off in traffic?
Opt for the Classic Flip, also appropriate when protesting a bad call by a referee (see page 2).
Interrupted by a rude coworker?
Try the Glasses Adjuster, subtle enough to use during a business meeting (see page 26).
A joker makes a snide remark about your haircut?
Cup a Bird behind your ear and flip them Sorry, Im Deaf (see page 66).
Your cheap friend is hitting you up for money again?
Pull Here, Ive Got Something For You out of your pocket (see page 38).
First date boring you half to death with inane chatter?
Amuse yourself with the Thinker, a simple and pensive Bird to the chin (see page 64).
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To our family and friends,
who remain our constant inspiration
Writing this book was a lot of fun. It brought back memories of grade school, high school, college, and the last time someone cut us off in traffic. These were fun memories. Memories of giving as good as we got and getting as good as we gave. Yes, of course, were talking about flipping the Bird.
Its part of growing up and it never really leaves you. You might be ten years old or you might be eighty; you might live in a mansion in Beverly Hills or in a trailer park in Alabama, but you can never escape the Bird. Young or old, rich or poor, we are all familiar with this hand signal, and we are neither above giving it nor most certainly above receiving it.
This book was written for those who wish to expand their skills at delivering one of our cultures most ubiquitous signs, the Bird.
Screw you all.
Sincerely
Jason Joseph & Rick Joseph
Why dont you go play Hide and Go Screw Yourself?
Knock, Knock. [Whos there?] Screw You.
Screwby-Dooby-You!
Yabba-Dabba-Screw-You!
A wise man once said, Screw You.
No batter, no batter, Screw You, batter!
Ask not what your country can do for you, but Screw You.
I just thought of something funny Screw You.
Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I say Screw You.
Screw You and the horse you rode in on.
Screw You very much.
Screwidy screw screw, screwidy screw screw, screwidy screw Screw You!
Simon says Go Screw Yourself!
Whats the square root of Screw You?
Warning:
Use at your own risk.
Were not responsible if you get your ass kicked.
The Classic Flip
The originator of the Screw You phenomenon. Its still the easiest and most widely used. Its ease and impact make it a favorite for that split-second Screw You flash.
Some examples of when to use the Classic Flip are:
a. You get cut off in traffic.
b. A referee makes a bad call.
c. A friend gives you a bad-hair-day comment.
Screw You How-To:
Bend your arm at the elbow joint, perpendicular to the ground. Keep your forearm vertical. Curl all your fingers into a fist while leaving your middle finger (Bird finger) extended.
The Classic Flip with Arm Cross
When a classic Screw Youjust wont do, this one has balls. The emphasis of the second hand coming across and down on the elbow joint of the giving hand makes this Screw You much more meaningful.
Some examples of when to use the Classic Flip with Arm Cross are:
a. Someone drives through a puddle and splashes
you on the side of the road.b. You lock your keys in the car.
c. The visiting team wins against your home team
on a last-second play.
Screw You How-To:
Bend your arm at the elbow joint, perpendicular to the ground. Keep your forearm vertical. Bring your other hand across the elbow joint, keeping that arm horizontal to the ground. On the vertical hand curl all your fingers into a fist while leaving your middle finger (Bird finger) extended.
The Waving Bird
A classic brought back from the verge of extinction. It originally gained its popularity from break dancing during the 80s. Its resurgence, however, may have come around with the Michael Jackson court case, since many fans felt it was time to wave good-bye to the King of Pop in the same style that made him famous.
Some examples of when to use the Waving Bird are:
a. Youre filled up on sushi and your brother is across
the table. Its a good way to get his attention.b. You happen to come across Michael Jackson on
the street.c. Youre giving a friendly good-bye wave to a friend
upon leaving a club. It adds a lil style to your exit.
Screw You How-To:
Starting with both arms extended, catch the wave motion and follow from the fingertips on one hand all the way up and down your arms to the end of the giving hand, then twist your hand around to show the Bird.
Warning: This one takes a bit of practice. Doing it wrong will really make you look like an asshole. Best to practice this one in front of a mirror and make sure you can do it smoothly.
The Sly Bird
This lil devil is a beauty. Scratching your nose (or any part of your face) with your Bird adds a touch of style to the Screw You. The recipient sometimes doesnt even recognize hes being Screwed until its all over, and even then hes not all that sure. This one is great for more structured settings when a blatant Screw You is just inappropriate.
Some examples of the right time to use the Sly Bird are:
a. When youre at a dinner party and one of the
guests pisses you off.b. This is the perfect Screw You to the teacher
from the back of the class. If its done quickly
enough you can get away with it. Be careful and
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