J. R. Bruns - The Tiger Woods Syndrome: Why Men Prowl and How to Not Become the Prey

the
TIGER
WOODS
Syndrome

Why Men Prowl and
How to Not Become the Prey

Dr. J. R. Bruns
Dr. R. A. Richards II

www.hcibooks.com

Disclaimer: None of the people mentioned in this book have authorized or endorsed this book. The names and identifying information in this book have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals and some details have been combined to create composite stories.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
is available through the Library of Congress.

Dr. J. R. Bruns and Dr. R. A. Richards II

eISBN-13: 978-0-7573-9506-2 eISBN-10: 0-7573-9506-6

All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.

HCI, its logos, and marks are trademarks of Health Communications, Inc.

Publisher: Health Communications, Inc.
3201 S.W. 15th Street
Deerfield Beach, FL 334428190

Cover photo Getty Images
Cover design by Larissa Hise Henoch
Interior design and formatting by Lawna Patterson Oldfield

To Jeanne, my wife.

Together we learned to live,

Share hope,

And experience joy.

CONTENTS

5 Got to Get You into My Life:
Stage 1Artificial Intimacy

6 I Just Want to Be Your Everything:
Stage 2Approval Seeking

7 When a Man Loves a Woman:
Stage 3Commitment/Abandonment

8 Were in Heaven:
Stage 4The Honeymoon

9 After the Thrill Is Gone:
Stage 5Resigned Compliance

T he authors wish to thank Eddie Kritzer, who had the foresight to stick with us and help us develop the theme which became the name of this book.

His experience in publishing and knowing who to call helped us find the best publisher. We wish to thank all, and we hope readers will learn from this book, and be able to recognize the Tiger Woods Syndrome in their relationships.

Men hate those to whom
they have to lie.

Victor Hugo (1802-1885)

INTRODUCTION:
CATCHING A TIGER BY THE TAIL

T he primary social unit of our country is in a crisis. From the Oval Office on down, American marriages have been crumbling for decades. Illegitimacy and divorce are threatening the once solid bedrock of society. Sadly, few are immune from this destructive pattern. Religious people experience similar divorce rates as the unchurched. In every town across our country: cultural, athletic, moral, education, and political leaders are falling almost daily to personal scandal, the result of failed marriages. Politicians look to correct the symptoms, but no one has correctly identified the reason for the decline of the American family.

When the fairy-tale world of Tiger Woods came crashing down on Thanksgiving, it caused Americans to pause from their holiday reverie and wonder how someone who had it all could lead such a double life, cheating not just once but in a serial fashion. Yet this is not some aberration. Wepsychiatrist Dr. J. R. Bruns and Dr. R. A. Richards have studied men leading dual lives just like Tiger Woods, from celebrities to the average guy in the barber shop. We have identified a distinct pattern of duplicitous male behavior and named it the Tiger Woods Syndrome because Tiger so aptly exemplifies the behaviors, motivations, and destructive patterns of so many American men.

This is the first book to identify the Tiger Woods Syndrome: a five-stage pattern of dating and mating behavior that has resulted in untold suffering by millions of shattered families. We will introduce you to this increasingly common malady that begins with two lovers head over heels for each other and ends with two bitterly disappointed and estranged partners, often headed to divorce court.

The root of the Tiger Woods Syndrome is the artificial way men and women relate to one another as they try to find a common life together. We will show how prevalent this failed method of relating has become in America over the last century and how it presents itself in day-to-day behavior, whether you are on your second date or preparing to walk down the aisle. The good news is that this disorder can be corrected. It is possible for men and women to replace artificial intimacy with authenticity and to rebuild a solid foundation and a healthier way of being together. By applying the advice in the second half of the book, you can heal your relationship and make it a positive example for the next generation. A fulfilling relationship based on honesty is indeed possibleand we will illuminate a path to help you find it.

Part One
ASSESSING
ROMANTIC
RELATIONSHIPS
TODAY

1
SAY IT AINT SO!

My wife, were in it together.

Were a team, and we do things as a team.

And I care about her with all my heart.

Tiger Woods, September 21, 2006

P rofessional golfer Tiger Woods was one of the greatest American sports heroes in history. He stepped into our consciousness as a two-year-old on the MikeDouglas Show, hitting a golf ball under the careful tutelage of his father, Earl. He dominated the high school and college golf world, and, upon turning pro, won seventy-one Professional Golfers Association (PGA) tournaments, including fourteen major golf championships. He has earned almost a billion dollars in prize money and endorsements.

Tigers success piqued interest both within and outside of the world of golf, and even people who werent sports fans took notice of this extremely talented athlete. He was named the Associated Press Athlete of the Year and Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the Year. He hobnobbed with Oprah Winfrey, Roger Federer, and Michael Jordan. He addressed the nation at We Are One: The Obama Inaugural Celebration at the Lincoln Memorial and visited the White House in April 2009. He established numerous youth charity projects, including the Start Something character development program, the Tiger Woods Foundation, In the City golf clinics and festivals, and the Tiger Woods Learning Center. With his polyglot ancestry and globe-trotting golf schedule, he was a role model to billions and the most recognizable sports celebrity in the world. In 2004, Tiger wed the Swedish beauty Elin Nordegren, and several years later Elin gave birth to two children (a girl in 2007 and a boy in 2009). Tiger had love, family, success, fame, and fortune. What more could a man desire?

The fairy-tale life of Tiger Woods came crashing down Thanksgiving night 2009. Sketchy cable news reports said that Tiger had been in a one-vehicle accident and had gone to the hospital. Tabloids soon published lurid charges of a domestic disturbance. On December 2, 2009, the worst fears of the worldwide public were realized when Tiger issued a terse apology for personal failings and transgressions.

The first question on the minds of the world was Why? Why throw away a life of success and respect for a series of meaningless flings with cocktail waitresses, prostitutes, and pornography starlets? How could the idol of millions appear to be so wholesome and yet live a secret double life of shame? Was the Tiger Woods we had all known and loved a man or a mirage?

Unfortunately, Tiger Woods is not the exception. Many have coined 2009 as the Year of the Cad. Late Show host David Letterman admitted to a series of covert relationships with his female staffers and personal assistant, turning the historic Ed Sullivan Theater into his own fraternity house. John Edwards, 2004 vice presidential candidate, revealed a long-rumored liaison with a videographer while his terminally ill wife was out campaigning for him. Former NFL quarterback Steve McNair was murdered by a jilted lover while his unassuming wife and children lived in another state. South Carolina governor Mark Sanford disappeared for a week to rendezvous with an Argentine lover, and disgraced former New York governor Eliot Spitzer attempted to return to public life only months after being caught in a sting operation on the swanky Emperors Club call girls ring.