Elizabeth Heller - Little Lessons of Love

Copyright 1994 by Elizabeth Heller. All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations in critical articles or reviews. Contact Conari Press, 1144 65th Street, Suite B, Emeryville, CA 94608. Conari Press books are distributed by Publishers Group West Printed in the United States of America on recycled paper. p. cm. cm.

ISBN 0-943233-73-9 (trade paper): $8.95 1. LoveUnited StatesPublic Opinion. 2. Public OpinionUnited States. I. Title.

BF575.L8H379 1994 152.41-dc20 94-28892 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 For Little Mookie Where there is love there is hope, Where there is hope there is faith, And where there is faith, all things are possible.

To all the generous adults and children who so graciously shared their experiences and their wisdom about love to make this book possible. To my editor, Mary Jane Ryan, for her support and faith in this project. To Will Glennon and the staff at Conari Press. And especially to my husband, David, for the little lessons of love he shares with me each day. While considering how to introduce this captivating collection on love, I am reminded of the words of the psychologist Erich Fromm, who wrote: Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love. While considering how to introduce this captivating collection on love, I am reminded of the words of the psychologist Erich Fromm, who wrote: Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.

There is something inherently spiritual about Little Lessons of Love, for it offers to all of us a compelling and practical philosophy of love, full of the elements of faith, with which we can enhance our own love relationships. Perhaps this helpful spirituality should not come as a surprise, given the fresh, down-to-earth, and beautifully simple format of the book. Real people talking about their real-life experiences with love and generously offering guidance to the rest of ustheres something universally appealing and uplifting about that process in itself. The many spontaneous yet profound sayings that emerge from these pages are a testament to the considerable vision we can find in our own hearts, if only we summon the confidence and courage to explore. For in our own hearts lie the deepest and most profound answers to the questions of love, and how love is related to the stars above and the world of the Spirit that we cannot see but can only feel. Among the hundreds of wise aphorisms included in this book, I find myself drawn in particular to those that summarize love in just a few brief, cogent words, such as the thoughtful observations of Ginny, age seventy-one, who shared: Love comes to those who tend their inner garden for them, love is sure to bloom.

How thought-provoking such comments are, and how they beckon further reflection. It is our natural desire and really our obligation to reflect on loves ways, for such consideration can only deepen our capacity for love. As well as words can capture, the moving wisdom in this fine collection, concerned variously with the origins of love, our dating and romantic mores, marriage, and the course and meaning of love, nobly elevates our thinking and tugs at our hearts in a manner befitting the subject that can only be described as inspirational. Love is truly inescapable. Its a major part of the reason we are here on earth, and, truth be told, most of us would have it no other way. Nevertheless, we do encounter difficulties and frustrations in our love relationships, sometimes due to circumstances that mystify us.

I strongly believe that this book will help people with such problems and offer new perspectives on something as essential to us as the air we breathe and the water we drink. May you discover the great joy and understanding that is revealed in this thoughtful book, and may you come to know love more intimately in your own life. Together we gladly seek the nature of love, that glad taste of heaven that we may experience right here in our everyday lives. David Heller, Ph.D. author of Love Is Like A Crayon,Because It Comes In All Colors

It is my ardent belief that the greatest thing we can do for ourselves and for humanity is to learn how to love. Throughout my own life I have found that the great philosophers and teachers of love are not found only in books, they are the strangers who ride the subway with us to work, the children who play in the school yard, the husbands or wives we come home to each night.

Each of us has something profound to offer about love. Through triumph and through painful experiences, we collect knowledge in our hearts and wisdom in our souls concerning love. We share some of those truths with friends and significant others all the time. But what if a person in Vermont were to share his or her wisdom with a stranger in California? The idea of gathering this collective wisdom so that people who dont know each other can reach out and teach each other something about love is what inspired me to create this book. As with many challenges in life, I embarked on this literary journey with my own preconceived curiosities and notions about love in mind. But, as the phi losopher Martin Buber said, Every journey has a secret destination.

As I began speaking with the more than 150 interviewees, I realized that I was not traveling alone, but instead was heading in the same direction as each and every person I interviewed. We were all curious about the many facets of love and in some way were searching for loves answers. I had not anticipated that there would be such a profound connectedness among our journeys, and I hope you will experience that too as you read this book. With great enthusiasm and generosity, each of my interviewees young and old, single or engaged, married or divorced, offered touching thoughts and often whimsical quips about love. Whether age eight or eighty-two, people consistently remarked that they had never really asked themselves such direct questions about love. But when they were provided with the encouragement to reflect on love, my interviewees responded with a wealth of understanding, insight, and humor.

Many people I spoke with were pleasantly surprised at how much firsthand knowledge about love they possessed, and this was one of the most rewarding aspects of the project for me. We cannot begin to understand lifes answers unless we are first willing to ask ourselves important questions about love. So along with all the wonderful people who made this book possible, I invite you not only to take in their wisdom, but to find your own along the way. It is my pleasure to share this compendium about love from people representing many different backgrounds, religious viewpoints, and walks of life. It is my deepest desire that somewhere in this book, one or many of the quotations will speak to you personally, a comment, a sentence, a thought that touches your heart and somehow seems meant just for you. Elizabeth Heller

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