Gabrielle Stanley Blair - Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion

To the people of the future who get to live their lives with no anxiety about unwanted pregnancies, and to the responsible ejaculators who Im confident can and will make that possible.

Dear Reader, before we begin, Im going to make a quick introduction, and a short, sincere plea.

Im a religious mother of six, who accidentally made a career as a thought leader after I started a blog, Design Mom, in 2006, and it took off. Ive received accolades Im proud ofmy blog was named a Website of the Year by Time magazine, it won the Iris Award for Blog of the Year, and Ive written a New York Times bestselling book (also called Design Mom). Ive moderated hundreds of discussions on difficult topics and interviewed some of the most influential people in the world. My writing is quoted and shared across the globe daily. And the most important essay Ive ever written, an essay about abortion, is what this book is based on.

In that essay, I proposed several ideas about the often-over-looked causes of abortion. My key claim is that 99 percent of abortions are the result of unwanted pregnancies, and men cause all unwanted pregnancies. Currently, conversations about abortion are entirely centered on womenon womens bodies, and whether women have a right to terminate an unwanted pregnancy. For those who want to effectively reduce abortion (or outlaw it altogether, as many states have done), this focus on women is a fundamental mistake for two reasons: 1) because there is clear data that abortion bans are ineffective and 2) because, again, men cause all unwanted pregnancies. If youre focused on women, youre wasting your time.

Dont believe me that men cause all unwanted pregnancies? Let me walk you through it. Ive got twenty-eight simple arguments in this book explaining how and why this is true.

An unwanted pregnancy doesnt happen because people have sex. An unwanted pregnancy only happens if a man ejaculates irresponsiblyif he deposits his sperm in a vagina when he and his partner are not trying to conceive. Its not asking a lot for men to avoid this.

Weve put the burden of pregnancy prevention on the person who is fertile for 24 hours a month, instead of the person who is fertile 24 hours a day, every day of their life.

I dont know what your thoughts are on abortion, but you picked up this book, so I assume you care about itas a right to fight for or a problem to solve. Whatever your feelings and beliefs are on abortion, Im going to ask that you momentarily set them to the side. Ill do the same (though anyone really curious about where I stand can google me). Why set them aside? Because the arguments I lay out in this book are an attempt to shift the conversation away from the usual for-or-against debates that have stymied this issue for decades. Im going to present a new approach that I hope youll find refreshing and productive.

My sincere gratitude for being open to a new way of thinking,

Gabrielle Blair

I want to let you know right from the get go that the arguments Im presenting are written from a cisgender heterosexual perspective. While I welcome all readers and I hope everyone learns something from my arguments, applying LGBTQIA+-inclusive language to my arguments would only serve to erase the singular experiences of queer, trans, and nonbinary people, whether they are people who produce sperm or people who can become pregnant. Ultimately, I make a cisgender heterosexual argument for people engaging in cisgender heterosexual sexual relationships (say that ten times fast).

Its important to make that clear so that you can manage your expectations before you begin, but also because I want everyone to feel comfortable here. Yes, its a cisgender heterosexual perspective, but perhaps youll find descriptions in these pages, about things like power dynamics and responsibilities, that can serve all perspectives.

While were on the topic of language, two vocabulary notes: When I use the word ejaculate, Im referring to ejaculation that releases semen. When I use the word abortion, Im referring to elective abortions due to unwanted pregnancies, which make up approximately 99 percent of all abortions. I am not referring to the abortions of intended pregnancies as a consequence of health issues for the developing fetus or the mother. Additionally, I want to acknowledge that while I fully understand some people experience temporary or permanent infertility, the arguments in this book are assuming full fertility for both men and women.

It starts with biology. A womans body produces a fertile egg for approximately 24 hours each month, from puberty until menopause, which is about thirty-five to forty years. Since the 24 hours might start midday on a Monday and end midday on a Tuesday, we like to say the egg is fertile for two days, but really its about 24 hours.

A mans sperm is fertile every single second of every single day. And though we know his sperm gets crappier as he ages, a man can produce sperm until the day he dies.

At eighty years old, a woman who menstruated for forty years will have experienced 480 days of fertility.

At eighty years old, a man who hit puberty at age twelve will have experienced 24,208 days of fertility.

So lets do the math. 24,208 divided by 480... carry the 4... and it turns out that compared to women, men have a little more than fifty times the number of fertile days.

Most times when a woman has sex, she cannot be impregnated because her egg is not fertile. Every time a man has sex, he can potentially impregnate someone, because he is always fertile. In theory, in any given year, a fertile man could impregnate a different fertile woman (or more than one!) every single day and cause 365 (or more!) pregnancies. During that same year, a woman can only experience a full pregnancy once.

This enormous disparity in fertility is important to recognize at the outset. Im not trying to overdramatize thisits a simple fact of biology. But it points to the reality that men and women are not two equally matched parties when it comes to fertility and potential to cause a pregnancy. One party is more fertile by orders of magnitude.

This fundamental biological reality, up to now rarely mentioned in discussions about unwanted pregnancies and abortion, is actually the heart of the issue. It colors all other arguments.

Once we recognize this disparity in fertility, it becomes crystal clear that pregnancy and abortion are not a womans issue. Men dont play a minor or supporting role in pregnancy. Mens lifelong continual fertility is the central driving force behind all unwanted pregnancies.

A woman who experiences normal fertility produces one egg approximately every four weeks. That one egg, or ovum, has a fertile window of approximately 12 to 24 hours. Given how narrow this window is, pregnancy should be a pretty easy thing to avoid, right?

Turns out its not that easy.

For one, sperm live longer than an egg. Once deposited in a womans body, sperm have a fertile window that is up to five days long.