Annalise Grey - I, Girl X--a novel in verse

Wildling Press 1st Edition Copyright 2016 Annalise Grey All rights reserved . No part of this book may be reproduced without express permission from the author . This book is entirely a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or deceased is purely coincidental . ISBN-13: 978- 1535275729 ISBN-10: 1535275723 O ur lives were a snapshot of perfect

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F or years we were happy

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M y brother Carson and I smiled laughed got good grades and lived a life worthy of a crisp photo album

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T hings changed as they do in tiny blips on a radar of calm seas which grew into storms then hurricanes

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A meltdown in a grocery store became volcanic eruptions of fists and screams Dad restraining Carson in his mile-long arms

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C arson plays too many video games, Mom would laugh uneasily as if the problem could be cured by turning off the PlayStation

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I used to laugh alongside her until I realized third-graders don't normally use the word sabotage in a sentence nor do they stare out windows at invisible people hiding in hedges G limpses

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D id you check the baton, Carleigh? Carson asks, his eyes wide

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T he yard is lit with golden light and the light breeze tugs at my hair as I twirl my favorite performance baton between my fingers

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T his is serious, he shouts, making me drop my baton

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I reach for it but hes faster

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T he baton is a thin twig in his thick fingers

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A t times its easy to pretend hes joking as he feels the weight of my green baton, spinning it this way and that inspecting the rubber ends for signs of being messed with

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I ts just my regular baton nothings wrong with it , I say as I snatch it out of his grasp

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B e careful, Carleigh, he warns Keep it in a safe place where no one can get it .

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W hy would anyone take my baton? I ask as I flip it up in the air and catch it behind my back

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I t could be used to hurt you .

Carsons mouth is downturned and sour- looking as if hes accepted a worse fate I have yet to conceive of

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I turn to walk away but he grabs my arm hard fingers digging into my flesh

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L et go, Carson! I say, astonishment overtaking me before the pain can register

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A t ten he towers over me though I am rather small for my fourteen years

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H e's what dad calls hefty as he pokes Carson in the ribs now buried under a thick layer of mac and cheese, pizza, and golden flakes cereal

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T he only foods he'll eat because they haven't been touched by the monsters living within the pantry cabinet

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I am the opposite in every way

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P ale and wiry more Dad than anything dull brown hair tangled in thin strands of too many forgotten days not unlike Mom - at least, these days

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B e careful, he growls, his voice harsh and full of terror

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T hen the pain does register and its burning my muscles

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C arsons grip is like steel, cold and deadly

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H ey! Youre hurting me! Carson, let go !

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I sense Dad watching us from the back porch

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I n a flash hes up from his seat, at a full stride over to where Carson and I stand locked in a battle my bony arm bruising beneath his vice grip

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T ears spring into my eyes

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C arson, I beg Ow! Youre really hurting me! Please !

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I cant turn out of his grasp though I try

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H is nails dig in deeper until I feel a prick and the hot sensation of blood trickling down my arm

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C arson, Dad says calmly but firmly Let go of her .

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C arson just stares at me as if hes trying to pry into my mind with an invisible crow bar

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C arson! Dad yells and reaches for Carsons hand

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H is fine hands pry at my brothers fingers, little fragile things against stone

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I manage to break free and swipe at the streaks of blood

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C arson explodes, goes volcanic in my dads arms

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D ad wrestles Carson to the ground and pins him beneath his reedy frame until Carson is exhausted from fighting and screaming himself hoarse

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T he blood on my arm dries in three distinct half-moon shaped punctures

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I dont even cry this time T he future waits for no one

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T his Friday, you will tour the high school wing, Mrs. Burns informs us as she hands out course selection sheets

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C hatter erupts around her

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H igh school is an important step, she calls over the chaotic chorus of voices

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Y ou all are moving up in the world . She smiles at us kindly but knowing secrets have yet to reveal themselves

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Y our futures are brighter than you think ! She turns to me and winks then slips a paper onto my desk

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T he hastily scribbled handwritten note tells me that my performance on the last assessment has determined that I belong in Honors English

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O nly two of us have been recommended for AP track and I am one half of that equation A P track is unheard of in our family

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I will, in essence , take both ninth and tenth grade English concurrently while preparing for AP English

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M y mom is elated

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D ad is apprehensive

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B ut me?

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I am floating on clouds I never knew existed I magining ourselves as giants

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A ll the kids in this school follow us with their eyes as well as their feet

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T hey move out of the way when we pass by

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T he crowded halls part like magic waters

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T hey scatter to the edges like insects under crushing feet

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W e feel like gods as we wander the halls grabbing each others arms whispering secrets loud enough to be heard across the way

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A shout of laughter an inside joke a memory shared by just us few

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W e imagine ourselves as giants

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E ighth graders

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T he big kids

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T he soon-to-be-high schoolers

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T he ones who will be going to high school parties hanging out with kids whose fingers wave defiant shiny new drivers licenses

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W e have nothing to fear

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A nd yet we have everything to be afraid of

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W ere afraid that were scrawny next to the senior football players

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A re we as pretty as the cheerleaders ?

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O r as smart as the upperclassmen already taking the SATs ?

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W hat if we trip over nothing during homeroom, first day ?

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W hat if nobody talks to us at lunch ?

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O n the bus?

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I n class?

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A t all?

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W e imagining ourselves as giants loved and lauded Masters of our everything rulers of all we see are scared to find out if giants can be made small A melia calls

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L ets have a sleepover! Her voice is shrill yet booming across the phone line

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W e need to compare class selections for next year and talk about that one guy who led us around the freshman hallway. He was so incredibly cute. I think he noticed me.

At least he kept smiling my way when he spoke. I think he was a junior. Didnt he say he was a junior? Or was it a senior? That would make me, like, the most popular freshman ever if I dated a senior. What was his name Greg? Garett? I cant remember but whatever. Im bored at my house and need to get out .