PRAISE FOR
Everyone Wants to Be Me or Do Me
Any book that asks the question, Whats with the turbans, ladies? should go right onto everyones must-read list... Witty, wonderful, and occasionally witchy advice from two of our favorite experts on the cult of celebrity.
Heather Cocks and Jessica Morgan, founders of GoFugYourself.com
Tom and Lorenzo say everything were thinking, but didnt know we could say. They have popped a big hole into the balloon that is our celebrity-obsessed culture. Then theyve taken that air and pumped it back into real people, who need to know that they too can feel like a superstar. With sass and wit, Everyone Wants to Be Me or Do Me makes everyone remember that image is one big game and they too can be a winner.
Aliza Licht, SVP of Global Communications, Donna Karan International
PRAISE FOR TOMANDLORENZO.COM
The always-entertaining fashion bloggers Tom and Lorenzo weigh in with their analysis of the red carpet hits and misses.
New York Times On the Runway
Tom and Lorenzo... whose award-winning blog is read by fashionistas the world over.
The Daily Telegraph
Tom and Lorenzo, fashion and style blog... Check it out... its bitchy and fun and addicting!
Elle.com
One of our favorite things about awards shows (besides our inter-office gown debate, of course) is seeing what style bloggers Tom and Lorenzo have to say about the red carpet. Always incisive and hilarious, they seem to be able to say what were thinking without even knowing were thinking it.
Peoples Style Watch
Their blog, which offers sharp-tongued and often bitchy commentary on a potpourri of pop culture, is read by some fashion heavyweights. Theyre always funny and brutally honest, said Joe Zee, the creative director of Elle magazine. And they know their stuff.
New York Times
I have once again fallen under the spell of Tom and Lorenzo.
San Francisco Chronicle
If websites could talk (or eat, for that matter), this is the one wed want to have lunch with.
Entertainment Weekly
A PERIGEE BOOK
Published by the Penguin Group
Penguin Group (USA) LLC
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A Penguin Random House Company
Copyright 2014 by Tom Fitzgerald and Lorenzo Marquez
Illustrations by Alex Cox
Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader.
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eBook ISBN 978-1-101-61847-9
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Fitzgerald, Tom.
Everyone wants to be me or do me : Tom and Lorenzos fabulous and opinionated guide to celebrity life and style / Tom Fitzgerald, Lorenzo Marquez.
pages cm
ISBN 978-0-399-16472-9 (pbk.)
1. Self-actualization (Psychology) 2. CelebritiesSocial life and customs. I. Marquez, Lorenzo. II. Title.
BF637.S4F578 2014
650.1dc23 2013034452
First edition: February 2014
While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers, Internet addresses, and other contact information at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.
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Version_1
For the Bitter Kittens
Contents
Introduction
D ear Tom & Lorenzo, the email began. I have wide hips and small shoulders. From the time I was a child Ive been shy and awkward. I want to make a change before I turn forty and I want to start with my clothes. How can I bring some red-carpet glamour to my day-to-day life?
We didnt used to get emails like this, but wed recently started a semi-bitchy, totally gay fashion and celebrity blog that surprised us by gaining an audience, and since wed tricked people into thinking we were style experts, we occasionally received sweet missives from pear-shaped ladies who needed a boost of confidence more than fashion advice. But how to continue the illusion that we know what were talking about while still giving her some helpful tips?
Wed somehow stumbled into a hobby, which lateragainst all odds and reasonturned into a profession that had us reading publicist press releases, obsessing over red-carpet photos all day, and conducting celebrity interviews. Despite giving pear-shaped ladies the impression that were somehow insiders to this world, that was not the case. Prior to the unlikely series of events that resulted in our becoming pop culture and fashion bloggers, we tended to have a positively Elizabethan attitude regarding celebrities: namely, that people who choose to go into the entertainment field are most likely deranged, with severe attention-seeking disorders, and that no respectable person would dare consider interacting with any such person whenever he or she appears somewhere that isnt a stage. Alas, we live in a world where people revere their celebrities and dont say things like alas anymore, so our ideas about this sort of thing tend to come across a little, shall we say, archaic.
Dont get us wrong; we love celebrities. Adore them, actually. Not only do they work to provide entertainment to the masses, they also tend to have insanely melodramatic personal lives that provide us with something to talk about during smoke breaks, in waiting rooms, or while seated with strangers at a wedding. Politics and religion make terrible conversation topics, but a pop singer gaining twenty pounds or an action star crashing his car into a palm tree can bring people together like a natural disaster that happened somewhere far away. Other peoples problems will always be infinitely more entertaining than our own, after all.
Most of us would find it hard to get out of bed if millions of people judged us every day for our clothes, hair, faces, bodies, romantic entanglements, financial status, and sexual history. But celebrities blithely sail through their days, eyes straight ahead, even if their field of vision is dominated by a bunch of screaming photographers who would sell their children for a chance to get a picture of an Oscar winner with spinach in her teeth. For a celebrity, every day is a slog through throngs of people clawing at you, both figuratively and literally.