Scott Dikkers - 45: A Portrait of My Knucklehead Brother Jeb

My name is George W. Bush. You may know me from my beautiful paintings, which were on display in the fall of 2012 at the prestigious DallasFort Worth Museum of Art & Walker, Texas Ranger Memorabilia. I believe the works shown in that exhibit received a citation of some kind, and Im quite certain the show was written up in the local newspapers.

You may also be familiar with me through my other literature writings: the book I wrote about my relationship with my father, 41: A Portrait of My Father; my superb unauthorized autobiography, Destined for Destiny; and the inspiring account of my great leadership of a nation, Decision Points.

Oh, and that reminds me. You may also remember me serving as the forty-third President of the United States. I was on the TV during that time.

The book you are holding now, which was legitimately written by me, is, oddly, not about me. At least, not directly. Rest assured I am featured prominently in the pages ahead. But mostly, this is a book about my brother Jeb, who is slated to be the forty-fifth President of the United States.

Now, at this point, you are probably asking yourself, When do I get to see some of these renowned paintings you mentioned ever so coyly at the beginning of the chapter? and I cannot blame you. Usually books of this type, profiles of a candidate released in the heat of a presidential campaign, are simply a candidates handlers attempt to cast the office-runner in a positive light, which means these books are often, shall we say, light on the substanceness. They are also a publishers attempt to exploit the notoriety of a candidate. In short, such books are self-serving tripe written in a few days to not only help a candidate, but make a quick dollar.

In my defense, I must point out that this is not a self-serving book. It is a Jeb-serving book. It was, however, written in a few days, and I sincerely hope it makes a great deal of quick dollars.

But, why else am I writing this book?

Shortly after Jebs last birthday, my father, the forty-first President of these United States, George H. W. Bush, wrote me a heartfelt letter, imploring me to tout the virtues of my younger brother. And Im not going to lie. It brought a tear to my eye. And it left me no room to waver. When my father gives me a directive, I follow it. Below are the letters of the letter he sent me. See if it doesnt pull at your heartstrings as it did mine.

Originally I thought of helping Jeb become President by creating a type of coffee-table book filled with reproductions of my beautiful full-color paintings. Through these paintings I would show my brothers fitness for the chief office of our country. The paintings would, through color, texture, and brushstroke, inspire the mind of the beholder to understand everything a prospective American voter would need to know about a Jeb Bush administration, its detailed policy proposals, and why I support them.

I have been painting for quite some time now, and in fact I now prefer to communicate through art instead of through writing or words, when possible. For example, when dining out, I will point to a picture of the food I want on the menu. If there are no pictures, I will quickly paint a picture of the entree and give it to my waiter. Usually, it is a painting of hot dogs and Tater Tots, which takes a great deal of skill and patience to paint.

Customer service calls to my local cable company are particularly challenging for me, since they take place over the phone. First, I paint a painting that captures the particular issue I need help with, be it an issue with my bill, or something having to do with technical support, such as the cable box not working properly. Then I call them and proceed to describe the painting to the customer service associate in great detail. So far this has not been a successful communication strategy, as the person on the phone usually asks repeatedly and insistently for me to explain my concern in words as opposed to interpreting my own visual art, and the person quickly hangs up on me when they realize I will only be describing my painting. But I will not alter my course. I will continue with this strategy until I can watch the DIY channel, which is currently a black screen. Are you reading this, cable helper people?

But my father, who thinks art is hogwash, urged me to reconsider the painting idea and write a book of words instead. Here is the impassioned note I received to that effect:

After receiving that touching message, I had a new course. I resolved to undertake the hard work of writing this book.

Regardlessly, I could not help myself, and created the paintings anyway. They are reproduced in these pages, somewhere around the middle of the book. Those with more of a mind to the arts than to the written word may prefer to simply look at the paintings. For those who cannot read, the paintings will do the job nicely. If you are blind, you are encouraged to purchase the audiobook edition of