John Ensor - Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart

Doing Things Right
in Matters of the Heart

Also by the Author

The Great: Work of the Gospel:
How We Experience God's Grace

Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart

Copyright 2007 by John Ensor

Published by Crossway Books
a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers
1300 Crescent Street
Wheaton, Illinois 60187

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher, except as provided by USA copyright law.

Cover design: Josh Dennis

First printing 2007

Printed in the United States of America

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, EnglishStandard Version, copyright 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture references marked NIV are from The Holy Bible: New InternationalVersion. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

The NIV and New International Version trademarks are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by International Bible Society. Use of either trademark requires the permission of International Bible Society.

All emphases in Scripture quotations have been added by the author.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Ensor, John M.
Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart / John Ensor.

1. Sex roleReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.
BT708.E57 2007
261.8'357dc22

2006037264

CH 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 09 08 07
15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To my Kristen,
with love.
Your John E.

Contents

Introductory Matters in
Matters of the Heart

I am not so nice
To change true rules for odd inventions

SHAKESPEARE

The simple believes everything,
but the prudent gives thought to his steps

PROVERBS 14:15

Because I wanted it badly, I did not think clearly. I was bent on having it, so I was foolish in the way I pursued it. I so hoped it was true that I fell for what was false. I heard only what I wanted to hear and looked right past the red flags. I did not handle things wisely; I was clueless but did not know it (which means I was profoundly clueless). At the time, it seemed so good. How did it turn out so badly? When it all played out, I was right back where I started, only poorer, embarrassed, and embittered. I felt used, and I felt stupid, mainly because I was used, and I was stupid.

Im talking about a used car and the way I went about obtaining it. I went online and was defrauded out of four thousand dollars. Looking back, it was all there on the web sitegeneral guidelines on doing things right when purchasing a used car online. There was a special section about online fraud. I suppose I never considered that Id be a victim of fraud, so I never noticed the link or read it before venturing on.

The webmaster knew I needed instruction. He knew something about human natureabout what Abe Lincoln would call the lower angels of our nature, about people at their predatory worst who feed on people in their most gullible innocence and ignorance. So there it was, spelled out and illustrated. Here is what to look for and what to avoidsure signs of fraud and other straightforward instructions and guidelines for doing things right when buying a used car online. As the webmaster, after all, he wants his clients to find what they are looking for and to obtain it in a way that leaves all parties involved pleased. But I did not consult the webmaster.

There Is a Way That Seems Right

The Proverbs warn us: The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps (14:15). I know this is true. Another proverb says, There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death (14:12). I think this refers to the common practice of following our own judgment without informing it with the wisdom of others or instructing it with a sense of right and wrong, wise and foolish. It is the error of self-confidence asserting itself with no foundation other than its having originated from self.

It is one thing to act foolishlyto be a simpletonwhen buying a used car. It is another when it comes to matters of the heart. The stakes are infinitely higher. Failure here means weeping into tear-stained pillows through sleepless nights. It means hot flashes of shame. It means spiritual incapacitation when it comes to things like prayer and worship. It can mean single-parenting or child support. It has dragged too many off to Planned Parenthood with an innocent in the womb, where the Proverb finds literal fulfillment: There is a way that seems right... but its end is the way to death (Proverbs 14:12). Should we escape this ultimate consequence, we are still awash with self-doubt and self-loathing. We are spent and left poorer in spirit and zest for life. We are less trusting and have less to work with when we finally muster the courage to try again. We identify with more country music and blues than is good for anyones well-being.

This book is about doing things right in matters of the heart. It is for those who know by painful experience, if not by observation, that the postmodern paradigm of meeting up, hooking up, shacking up, and breaking up is bankrupting the rich treasure of love itself. It doesnt matter that this is what most people are doing. You can see it does not ring true. It does not work. It is time to revolt against the times, to consult the webmaster, to learn how to spot fraud in matters of the heart, and to enter into a relationship as one who gives thought to his steps (Proverbs 14:15). To that end, I want to speak plainly and directly about right and wrong, wise and foolish, even good and evil, that you may avoid being defrauded and find what you want in matters of the heart.

Borrowing My Learning Curve

My oldest son called me about the car. He was remarkably polite and restrained when I told him the news. If ever there was a moment for ridicule, this was it. Pop, you dope! How could you be that dumb? I think he was a bit shocked. He went online and reviewed all my steps, tracing out the error of my ways. He was consoling. He was also borrowing my learning curve!

It is not the first time. He got married at age twenty-four, young by the measure of our times. His wife, Alisha, was even younger, only twenty-one. In open affront to our materialistic values, they got married while they were both still in college, with some twenty-thousand dollars in school debt hanging over their heads. They did not live together prior to marriage, and contrary to almost every boy meets girl movie made in Hollywood during the last twenty years, they chose to be abstinent until they were wed.

They did not wait to finish school but they did wait to be sexually intimate. Surely this is all wrong! I hope to persuade you that it was all very right. My wife and I did the same thing. We met. We melted. We refrained and abstained. We thought (mostly I thought) about our future. I wrestled with the M-word. I argued with myself: I cant really be in love, can I? Why cant I picture my life without her? I only met her a month ago! Im still in college and the most expensive thing I own is my forty-five-dollar tennis racket. I drive a car with a missing fender! How can I even think about m... ma... mar... marriage?