Louis Brown - Stop Domestic Violence: An Action Plan for Saving Lives

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Contents

For Nicole and Ron

and the thousands of other

men, women, and children who are

victims of domestic violence and

whose stories are, all too often,

never told.

Preface

We are very grateful that you are reading this book. We are honored to have worked on it. How often does a writer get to work on a book that is certain to save lives? This was the great motivation behind this project. The three of us come from completely different backgrounds, but we share one thought: most people do not understand domestic violence. We know that education on this issue will save lives.

We see this book as a new approach to the protection of women and children. Domestic violence is hidden, but it is everywhere and in every neighborhood. The more it is openly discussed, the less it will be able to remain concealed.

Lou Brown has come through his own set of extraordinary circumstances, and as a person who deals with these issues every day at the Nicole Brown Simpson Charitable Foundation and Legal Action Fund, he knows how important education can be. A gentle man determined that good will come out of his daughters senseless suffering, he has been a quiet but powerful force in the development of this book.

Merritt McKeon is a survivor of domestic violence. After a stay in battered womens shelters, she went on to complete her bachelors degree and then her masters. More recently she finished law school; she is currently a law professor. She plans to work as an attorney representing battered women, and she hopes to make legal representation more available to victims and survivors of domestic violence.

Franois Dubau is a pastor who was ordained by Chuck Smith, founder of Calvary Chapel, a nondenominational Protestant church. Franois started a ministry for the healing of the deepest emotional hurts in the lives of Christian men and women. This was in the midst of a great controversy about the use of psychology or therapeutic techniques in the church; many insisted that psychotherapy bordered on the heretical. What Franois saw proved to him that people were being healed in a new and profound way. He also saw the effects of domestic violence: how and where it begins in childhood, how it works in male and female adults, and how society in general avoids facing the problem.

Merritt and Franois have known each other since childhood; their friendship spans more than twenty-six years. Lou and Merritt have been talking and researching this book for a year and a half, and with Franoiss enthusiastic Lets pull this thing together attitude, the book was researched, written, and double-checked. The final result, we hope, will be an important resource for ending family violence. Its tough enough to be in a really bad or violent relationship, but its even harder to leave when those around the victim dont understand why it happened or what they can do to help.

This is the book Merritt wishes shed had when she was trying to get out of her violent relationship. This is a book we hope will help build a network of support for those people who feel isolated.

Part One, Understanding Domestic Violence, was written primarily by Franois. He combined his own counseling experience with the best literature and research available on domestic violence. Merritt wrote the last chapter of this section, Who Speaks for the Kids? which has footnotes so lawyers can use the information in helping battered women win their cases.

Part Two, Letters to the Battered Woman, was written by Merritt. Her personal background has made her an undisputed expert. If you are a victim or survivor, you may want to start Part Two right away, to help build a plan of recovery.

Lou Brown wrote the Forewordand he did so much more. The book grew out of many discussions that Merritt and Lou had long before the books first words were written. When Franois and Merritt completed the manuscript, Lou read every word and made suggestions throughout. Without his inspiration and knowledge, this book would never have seen the light of day.

Stop Domestic Violence was also written with a great love and concern for victims and survivors, and for their friends and their families.

We encourage those of you who have been directly affected by this evil to turn it around: take the evil and the pain and turn them into good. This book will help you do that.

Please keep reading. Please go on to teach others what youre about to learn. Please be an activist, even if only to write a letter or raise funds. The Epilogue will tell you how.

Lets work together to end domestic violence. Reading this book will, we hope, be only the first step toward your becoming a light, an agent for change and recovery, in the shadowy world of family violence.

L OU B ROWN

F RANOIS D UBAU

M ERRITT M C K EON

Foreword

Ill admit that when I first learned that my daughter Nicole was the victim of domestic violence, I cried.

I wept to think of my little girl cowering in terror as her husband raged. And even now I weep every time the television news catches me off guard by showing the photos of a bruised Nicole taken at the police station after she was battered.

I cannot tell you the rage and sadness I felt and still feel.

But my daughter was not the only battered woman in America. Far from it. According to the American Medical Association, husbands and boyfriends severely assault as many as 4 million women every year.

And, shockingly, one out of every four American women is likely to become a victim of domestic violence in her lifetime.

These are staggering statistics. But imagine them in real-life terms: imagine that one of every four of your women friends, relatives, and neighbors is potentially a victim.

For too long, women like my daughterand your relatives, friends, and neighborshave tried, and mostly failed, to handle violent, abusive spouses entirely on their own.

This is because for too long Americas judicial system has failed these women. Police and courts often refuse to make arrests, giving perpetrators slap-on-the-wrist sentences, then releasing convicted abusers to go and harm their wives, girlfriends, and families once more.

Its time for this outrage to stop. Its time for decent Americans like us to band together and say, No more to these cowards who lift their hands in anger against their defenseless victims.

Please let me share with you some of what I have learned through hard personal experienceand what every caring American citizen needs to know.

You can help stop an American epidemic!

I know its hard to understand how domestic violence happens in a familyand how it can keep happening over years and even decades. Until I learned about Nicoles situation, I didnt understand it myself.

But today, now that I know more, it hurts me deeply when I hear people say, Well, its her own fault if she stays with him. Any woman who would put up with that kind of treatment deserves what she gets!

The fact is, women like my daughter stay with their abusive spouses for many reasons. And they want the father of their children to be part of the family.