Lyndi Cohen - Your Weight Is Not the Problem: A simple, no-diet plan for healthy habits that stick

For anyone who has struggled with their weight due to a toxic, yo-yo relationship with diets.

Its time to break up with that loser.

Published in 2023 by Murdoch Books, an imprint of Allen & Unwin

Copyright Lyndi Cohen 2023

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. The Australian Copyright Act 1968 (the Act) allows a maximum of one chapter or 10 per cent of this book, whichever is the greater, to be photocopied by any educational institution for its educational purposes provided that the educational institution (or body that administers it) has given a remuneration notice to the Copyright Agency (Australia) under the Act.

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A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN 978 1 92261 649 4

eISBN 978 1 76118 592 2

Cover and text design by George Saad

Back cover photograph by Luca Prodigo

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Printed and bound in Australia by the Opus Group

DISCLAIMER: The content presented in this book is meant for inspiration and informational purposes only. The author and publisher claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material in this book.

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Chances are, youve tried countless diets. No one can say you havent tried! In fact, youve been remarkably dedicated to weight loss. Take one look at your dieting resum and, well, its really quite impressive.

Youve willingly signed up to grimy gyms without any windows and with way too many mirrors. Youve batch cooked strange-smelling watery soups and drunk shakes in place of actual meals. Youve beaten yourself up for eating too much and committed to starting from scratch many times over. At times, youve even felt guilty for eating a whole banana or an entire sandwich for fear of carbs (and then there were the fat- and sugar-phobic years)! Youve counted points, calories or macros, diligently recording everything in a diary or app. And youve also pretended it was the dog who made those outrageously sour farts when, in fact, the smell came from your bum after eating too much of that weird protein powder stuff.

I know, I know. All those bloomin mirrors are supposed to help with correct form, but who really wants to see themselves from 417 angles while flapping around like a drunken pigeon? Not me.

It was all very unfun. But you did it. You see, you really have been committed to this whole weight-loss thing. You deserve a frequent flyer discount card based on how much money youve handed over to diet companies and influential health gurus. Even if youre new to this whole hating-your-body business, youve already spent far too many hours worrying about your weight or whether youre exercising enough. After all, its immensely tricky to have a healthy relationship with your weight and food in a disordered society that thinks the most impressive thing a woman can be is thin.

And so, here you are. An incredibly smart, talented (at times mischievous) but always lovable human, who is able to accomplish anything you put your excellent noggin to. Except this. Your weight. It feels like the only thing you cant fix or solve. And you wish you could, because you cant shake the feeling that your life would be better and you would be happier if your weight wasnt a problem. The real issue is that youre stuck in the murky, contaminated waters of diet burnout. Each diet attempt has been less effective. Your motivation and willpower seem to whittle with each sad salad and globby chia seed you consume. Youve never made it to the promised land of being thin-yet-somehow-curvy-in-just-right-places, and are you really willing to trudge through the dessertless dieting desert for another 40 years seeking it?

When your weight feels like a problem, you miss out on life. Dieting and trying to be good keeps you stuck in the vicious ups and downs of yo-yo dieting. Ironically and frustratingly, you may be gaining weight with each failed attempt. My dear client Natalia, who deserves a black belt for all her dieting experience, explained the conundrum: Ive been dieting my whole life and I am the biggest that I have ever been. I feel like it is holding me back from doing things that I love. You feel you cant reach your potential until you shed the kilos or pounds. But I just keep getting further away the more I try. Honestly? Thats how it always felt for me, too.

My story

I was just five years old when my turbulent relationship with my body started. I was in ballet class, in a pink leotard, staring into the mirror when I noticed it. Where the other girls had straight-up-and-down bodies, I had a little tummy and thighs that touched. It was the beginning of feeling like my body was flawed.

By age 11, I truly believed my weight was a major problem, despite being in the healthy weight range for my BMI. I felt that I wasnt going to be good enough until I weighed less, and it seemed the rest of the world agreed with me. I was told youd be so pretty if you lost weight so many times that I started to believe it.

PSA: the BMI is bullshit. Well talk about that later in the book.

So my parents took me to a nutritionist. The nutritionist understood my request. I wanted to be thin and she was willing to help me subscribe to this ideal. She put me on a meal plan, which she pinky-promised wasnt a diet (even though it certainly was) then promptly instructed me to weigh out my food. Ha! There was no conversation about body image, about what it actually means to be healthy, or warnings about how dieters are significantly more likely to develop an eating disorder or struggle with their weight as adults.

On my first very prescriptive, restricted healthy eating approach, I went to bed at night with a calorie-counting book, calculating whether or not Id been good or bad that day. In addition to the regular weigh-ins at the nutritionists office, I became obsessed with weighing myself. When I lost weight, I was elated and very proud. Everyone told me I was a good girl! The praise for losing weight reinforced my belief that I wasnt good enough as I was and that changing my body would help me to be more likeable. Better. Prettier! Worthier. And oh, how I wanted that. When I gained weight or even simply didnt lose any, I was distraught. My social currency was losing weight and I felt bankrupt. My sense of self was based on whether I lost or gained weight and whether I disappointed my family, my nutritionist and myself.