Kerry L Malawista - The Therapist in Mourning: From the Faraway Nearby

. The Metropolitan Museum of Ar t /Artists Rights Society (ARS), New York.

ANNE J. ADELMAN
AND KERRY L. MALAWISTA

THE THERAPIST
IN MOURNING

From the Faraway Nearby

COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY PRESS / NEW YORK

Columbia University Press

Publishers Since 1893

New York Chichester, West Sussex

cup.columbia.edu

Copyright 2013 Columbia University Press

All rights reserved

E-ISBN 978-0-231-53460-4

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

The therapist in mourning : from the faraway nearby/ [edited by] Anne J. Adelman and Kerry L. Malawista.

pages ; cm

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-0-231-15698-1 (cloth; alk. paper) ISBN 978-0-231-15699-8 (pbk. : alk. paper) ISBN 978-0-231-53460-4 (e-book)

1. Psychoanalystspsychology. 2. Psychotherapist and patient. 3. BereavementPsychological aspects. 4. GriefPsychological aspects. I. Adelman, Anne J. II. Malawista, Kerry L.

RC480.5.T5192 2012

616.89 ' 17dc23

2012034121

A Columbia University Press E-book.

CUP would be pleased to hear about your reading experience with this e-book at cup-ebook@columbia.edu.

Cover image: Gracia Lam

Cover design: Julia Kushnirsky

References to websites (URLs) were accurate at the time of writing. Neither the authors nor Columbia University Press is responsible for URLs that may have expired or changed since the manuscript was prepared.

For my mother, Mary

In memory of my father, Stanley

AJA

For my parents, Robert and Barbara, and my daughter Anna

In memory of my mother, Helen, and Sarah

KLM

CONTENTS

KERRY L. MALAWISTA AND LINDA KANEFIELD

JUDITH VIORST

SANDRA BUECHLER

ANNE J. ADELMAN

ARLENE KRAMER RICHARDS

SYBIL HOULDING

CATHERINE L. ANDERSON

JENIFER NIELDS

RICHARD M. WAUGAMAN

ROBERT M. GALATZER-LEVY

BARBARA STIMMEL

SYLVIA J. SCHNELLER

BILLIE A. PIVNICK

RUSSELL B. CARR

ROBERT WINER

WE ARE most grateful to all those who contributed their time and effort, with open minds and honest discourse, to this volume. It is their dedication to psychoanalysis and their creativity, skill, and persistence that make this book possible.

We would like to thank our editors at Columbia University Press, in particular Lauren Dockett, who deftly guided and supported this project from its inception, and Jennifer Perillo, who saw it to its fruition. We are truly grateful to all of the staff at Columbia, who lent this project their full enthusiasm and commitment.

This project would not have been realized without the support and encouragement of the faculty and participants of the New Directions Program and Winter Retreat. Their generosity and spirit have inspired us over the years.

We are deeply appreciative to Robert Winer for his wise and amazing editorial skills. He is a writer of uncommon erudition who can read a piece and find exactly what works and what doesnt. Linda Kanefield lent her unflagging support, always ready to read our drafts and offer valuable insights and edits. Julie Eill and Elizabeth Thomas were generous with their feedback and input. Sara Taber offered her unfaltering encouragement to keep writing. Paula Atkeson has been a consistent source of emotional sustenance.

We could not have completed this project without our husbands and children. They fed us, encouraged us, proofread drafts, and supported this endeavor.

Finally, we would each like to thank our coeditor. It is truly a miracle in life to find a writing partner and kindred spirit with whom anything is possiblewho can finish the others sentences, find the words when we are lost, laugh throughout the process, and, when needed, help find the perfect dress.

ANNE J. ADELMAN, PH.D. , is a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst with the Contemporary Freudian Society. She is coauthor of Wearing My Tutu to Analysis and Other Stories: Learning Psychotherapy from Life . She is a faculty member of the New Directions Writing Program and maintains a private practice in Chevy Chase, Maryland.

CATHERINE L. ANDERSON, PH.D. , is a psychoanalyst in private practice in Bethesda, Maryland, and a member of the Contemporary Freudian Society. She has worked in community mental health with a specialty in forensics and PTSD. She has taught and supervised interns and students and has written in the areas of sexual abuse and attachment theory. She is coauthor of Wearing My Tutu to Analysis and Other Stories: Learning Psychotherapy from Life and co-chair of the New Directions Writing Program.

JODY BOLZ is the author of, most recently, A Lesson in Narrative Time . Her poems have appeared widely in anthologies and literary journals (including The American Scholar , Indiana Review , North American Review , Ploughshares , and Poetry East ). She taught for more than twenty years at George Washington University. Her honors include a Rona Jaffe Foundation writers award. She is the editor of Poet Lore .

SANDRA BUECHLER, PH.D. , is a training and supervising analyst at the William Alanson White Institute and a supervisor at the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy. She is the author of two books: Clinical Values: Emotions that Guide Psychoanalytic Treatment and Making a Difference in Patients Lives: Emotional Experience in the Therapeutic Setting .

RUSSELL CARR, M.D. , is an active-duty U.S. Navy psychiatrist and currently serves as the chief of the Adult Behavioral Health Clinic at the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center at Bethesda. He is also a candidate in psychoanalysis at the Institute of Contemporary Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis in Washington, D.C.

ROBERT GALATZER-LEVY, M.D. , is a supervising, training, and child and adolescent supervising analyst who serves on the faculties of the Chicago Institute for Psychoanalysis and the University of Chicago. In addition to clinical psychoanalysis, he has a particular interest in life-course development and nonlinear dynamics.

SYBIL HOULDING, M.S.W. , is a psychoanalyst in private practice in New Haven, Connecticut. She is a member of the faculty of the Western New England Institute for Psychoanalysis and is an assistant clinical professor in the department of psychiatry at the Yale School of Medicine.

LINDA KANEFIELD, PH.D. , is a psychologist in Chevy Chase, Maryland, and a member of the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis. She has published on reconciling feminism and psychoanalysis, the development of femininity, and the reparative motive in surrogate mothers. She teaches and supervises and consults in assisted reproduction, fertility, and loss.

KERRY L. MALAWISTA, PH.D. , is a training/supervising analyst with the Contemporary Freudian Society. She is coauthor of Wearing My Tutu to Analysis and Other Stories: Learning Psychotherapy from Life . Her essays have appeared in the Washington Post , Voices , Washingtonian Magazine , and Zone 3 , alongside many professional articles. She is co-chair of the New Directions Writing Program and is in private practice in Potomac, Maryland, and McLean, Virginia.

JENIFER NIELDS, M.D. , is an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at Yale University School of Medicine and a supervisor in the Yale long-term psychotherapy program. She has published articles on psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, and religion, as well as on the neuropsychiatric aspects of Lyme disease. She is in private practice in Fairfield, Connecticut.