Mario Acevedo - The Undead Kama Sutra (Felix Gomez, Book 3)

Table of Contents

The Undead Kama Sutra

Mario Acevedo

Chapter

I hefted the manuscript. Finally, The Undead Kama Sutra? Is it true what Ive read about this?

Whats true?

The psychic-healing part.

Carmen opened her mouth in an exaggerated ah, and nodded. She put on a sly smile. Im convinced that it is but Im not sure how it works. Im still doing field studies. The original work is centuries old. The last complete manuscript, in the Western world anyway, was destroyed when the library in Alexandria, Egypt, was burned. Theres rumor of a partial manuscript in the Vaticans collection of forbidden texts.

I removed the rubber band from the manuscript. I flipped through pages of 12-pt. Courier marked with sticky notes, pencil scribblings, and yellow highlighter. Obviously, a work in progress. I stopped on page 26. A paragraph described a drawing of a vampire and chalice tangled together in a pose named Monkey Laughs at Moon.

I didnt know if Id laugh having sex this way, but I would at least give a big smile.

I flipped to another page and a pose of a vampire standing with two chalices intertwined tightly against her torso. The title: Jade Tree Ecstasy.

I turned to another pose. This one startled me. Feeding the Melon.

Carmen read over my shoulder. Whadda ya think?

I rotated the page left and right. Looks uncomfortable.

Its an advanced pose, for sure. You got to work into it.

Who did your drawings?

I did. Carmen displayed her hands. These digits can do more than spank naughty bottoms.

Why are you writing this?

Carmen took the manuscript from me. Im convinced there is a supernatural component to lovemaking. Good sex can cure a lot of ills.

I nodded. Of course. Ive used that line lots of times.

Im serious. Sex in the correct sequence of these poses, Carmen tapped the manuscript, can realign your chakras.

Do you know what that means? Youve found a way for us vampires to play in the sun, I held out my tanned arms, and now with this Kama Sutra, itll be like were almost alive again.

Were not in the Garden of Eden yet, she replied.

Where did your manuscript come from?

I pieced together fragments of ancient writings. Tibetan. Sanskrit. Whats left of the Aztec codices. Sumerian monographs. I had problems with that particular dialect.

How old are you?

Carmens aura flashed a touch of indignation. Since when is it okay to ask a lady her age?

My bad, I said. Are you sure youre not using this as an excuse for marathon sex?

I dont need an excuse for marathon sex. But this is beyond that. Correcting the energy flow through your chakras will reverse psychic damage and heal your mental and emotional wounds. Carmen set the manuscript on top of the briefcase. Thats the theory. I havent yet found out if and how it works.

She turned around and leaned against the table. Her eyes gleamed seductively. We could practice a few of the poses. As research. She loosened her ponytail. With a shake of her head, wild, curly locks of black hair splashed over her shoulders. She heaved and the T-shirt pulled taut across her nipples. Anything special youd like to try?

I matched her seductive gaze. Oh yeah, I drawled.

She gave an expectant nod.

I said, Coffee, if you got any.

Coffee? Carmens grin faded. The glare from her eyes couldve melted iron. She swiped at me with her open hand.

I caught her wrist.

Her lips pursed, then curved into a puzzled smile. Goddamn you, Felix. She tore free.

Were immortal. Whats the rush? Females, human or vampire, didnt come any lustier than Carmen. Truth was, I hadnt had sex with a vampire yet, and I wanted my first to be someone who wouldnt make me limp for the rest of the week.

One day Im not ever going to offer again, she said. Then youll have no choice but to kill yourself out of regret.

Carmen, are you begging?

Ha, dont flatter yourself.

Must be nice being the center of the universe.

I love it just fine. Carmen went to the next room. Bags and cartons of foodstuffs sat on a shelf beside a water cooler. She brewed coffee over a small propane stove.

I thumbed through the manuscript and counted over two hundred ways of getting it on. What a scholarly triumph. Who came up with the names for these poses? Tiger and the Wheelbarrow. Painting the Lily. Feast of Mangoes.

Carmen yelled her answer so Id hear her from the next room. Those are my translations. Colorful, huh?

She came back with a couple of plastic to-go cups. Its a fair-trade Cuban blend. Sierra Maestra with goats blood.

The coffee smelled great. I put the manuscript down.

Hope you learned something. She gave me one of the cups. I would call you stud but we wouldnt know that, would we?

I appreciate the compliment. What are you going to do with this manuscript?

Get it published, what else? The general public will get off on the New Age woo-woo angle and we vampires will have yet something else that we passed under the noses of the blunt tooths. In the meantime, Ive got more research to do. She grinned. The fun stuff.

We walked to the pier, sat on the edge, and dangled our bare feet over the water. The resorts Bayliner was docked next to us.

You guys only have one boat? I asked. Seems youd have more.

Antoines got one.

Where is it?

Carmen pointed to the water fifty feet from the pier. A white oblong object rested on the bottom of the lagoon.

I asked, More winnings from one of his poker games?

Of course.

We sipped the blood-coffee blend and meditated on the beauty around us. Fish flashed like knife blades through the water. Crabs crept up the wharf pilings and, when they caught us looking at them, skittered back down to the rocky bottom.

The sun felt great against my skin. In the few minutes Id been outdoors, my complexion had darkened but I needed to cook awhile more before I matched Carmens toasted patina.

The rhythmic grunt of an engine announced the approach of a motorboat. A white boat appeared around the northern spit of land at our right, about a twenty-footer, with a fabric canopy over the cockpit.

Expecting company? I asked.

No, she replied. Its probably a fishing boat and the captain forgot how to read a chart. Happens now and then. Especially when we have naked chalices sunning themselves on the beach.

The boat turned and chugged toward us. Sunlight glittered off the gold metallic letters on the hull, which read: SHERIFF. Under that, in dark green letters, it said, MONROE COUNTY.

A man in uniformwhite short-sleeved shirt, yellow chevrons on his sleeve, dark green trousers, gun belt, sunglassesoccupied the helm. I guessed him to be well over six foot. Some of that height came from a pompadour so pointy and stiff it belonged on the nose of a rhinoceros.

Carmen and I got to our feet, our tapetum lucidum hidden by our sunglasses.

I dont like cops. Any cops. Federal marshals, city police, and especially a deputy sheriff, like this guy. A visit by a cop was always a cure for a good mood.

The boat glided to within inches of the dock and stopped. The tall deputy with the pompadour hailed us.

Know where I could find Antoine Speight?

Hes not here, Carmen answered. Whats this about?

The deputy moved to the front of the boat and tossed the bowline. It landed between Carmen and me.

A little help, the deputy said.

Carmen didnt move. You didnt answer me. Whats this about?

The deputy grimaced in annoyance. He hopped onto the pier and bent over to hitch the rope to the closest piling. He stood and his pompadour towered above us. When he looked at Carmen, his expression became all big-bad-wolf-and-Im-happy-to-see-you. Deputy Sheriff Toller Johnson.

He removed his sunglasses and forced them through the crust of gel holding his steeple of hair in place. His gray eyes went from Carmen to me and then back to Carmen. He addressed her breasts. You work here?