Elizabeth Eulberg - Take a Bow

For the biggest rock star in my eyes

DAVID LEVITHAN

editor extraordinaire,

unparalleled karaoke partner,

and above all, my dear friend

My life has been one big audition.

I cant even remember the first audition my mom dragged me to. It was for a diaper commercial back when we were living in LA. I was six months old. While most kids first memories are of playing with friends, mine are of sitting in cold reception areas waiting for my name to be called. The only plus side was that after I auditioned, Mom rewarded me with McDonalds. That was the only time I ever truly felt like a normal kid.

After I got cast in the first Kavalier Kids movie, I didnt have to go on that many auditions. The roles came to me. By the time I was nine, I was on the cover of People magazine and a presenter at the Oscars, the basic go-to kid for cute. I was the on-screen son of every big-name actor. Ive worked with the best. And with the Kavalier Kids franchise, I was featured on countless lunch boxes, pillowcases, Happy Meals you name it, my face was on it. (I dont think Ive recovered yet from seeing my toothy grin on a roll of toilet paper. Really, toilet paper. Apparently the studios marketing division had no shame.)

Id shoot a big-time movie during the spring and a Kavalier Kids movie in the fall (for a major summer release). And even though my childhood was anything but normal, I look back fondly on the Kavalier Kids movies. The other child actors were like friends to me. At least they seemed like my friends, or what friends should be. But we only hung out on the set. There were no sleepovers or pizza parties, just on-set tutors and line readings.

Things were great, but then there was a lets call it an altercation between my mom and the producer. I got kicked off the franchise. A new wave of cute kids came into Hollywood and I was relegated to being a featured guest star on network crime shows.

So I made a decision. It was the one thing that scared Mom more than anything, even more than crows-feet and taxicabs. And it wasnt moving to New York City or starring in a soap opera that was beneath me. No, we did those things so I could do the thing that was even scarier to Mom:

High school.

Yes, Carter Harrison, former child megastar and current soap opera actor, wants to go to school.

But as I sit in the hallway at the New York City High School of the Creative and Performing Arts, I know that this isnt a normal school. Its one of the most prestigious performing arts high schools in the country. I knew I could convince my mom to let me go if I talked about how this would help me with my craft.

Yes, I actually used the word craft to describe what I do. But my craft is more on a par with the caricature artists in Times Square than with a true artist.

I play pretend. Ive been doing it my entire life. Ive been doing it so long, I dont even know who I am anymore. Im more comfortable being someone else than being me. I dont even feel like me when Im Carter Harrison. The paparazzi were waiting outside the school today when I arrived, and I flashed that famous grin at them but that wasnt me. That was a role.

As we wait for my name to be called, I glance at Mom hiding behind her oversize sunglasses. She didnt seem all that surprised to see the photographers outside. Gee, I wonder who leaked that my audition is today? Its not like being on a soap opera gets you a ton of press, but when you were the biggest box office draw at the age of ten, people like to follow you around. See what youre up to. Its like my life is a never-ending episode of Where Is He Now?

At least Ive gotten used to the attention. Im really good at blocking it out. Plus, it helped me get a role on a show that only requires me to work a few hours a week. This way, I stay on television to appease my mom and I get to go to school for me.

Im not even nervous as I wait for my name to be called. Stepping onto that stage and reciting my two monologues (one from Our Town and the other from Youre a Good Man, Charlie Brown) will be easy. Thats a normal day for me. But the thought of getting to go to school is what will make me nervous.

Whats ironic is that Mom is the one who doesnt want me to go to school. She thinks I wont be prepared to handle being in a school with other kids.

Lets see, Ive spent my entire life being judged, critiqued, and picked apart.

I think Im more ready for high school than anybody could be.

Its all going according to plan.

This audition is just one more box to check off on Sophies Plan to Superstardom.

Basically, the list so far has consisted of me performing at every possible talent show, wedding, sporting event, bar mitzvah, birthday party, etc., in the Brooklyn area (check!), getting Emme to write me a cant-lose original song for my audition (check!), and getting into CPA.

Of course, once Im accepted, Ill have my work cut out for me. Im not that nave. So once I get in I need to become the star pupil, land the lead in every play, get the most coveted spot in the Senior Showcase, and then get a record contract by the time I graduate.

I will have a Grammy before I turn twenty. Even if it kills me.

Im not even nervous. Are you kidding me? I LOVE being onstage. I LOVE the glow of the spotlight. Its the waiting thats killing me.

I look around and notice a few other contenders for the vocal department at CPA from different talent contests that Ive done and won. Theyve got nothing on me and they know it.

All the singers (at least in Brooklyn) are jealous of me. While theyll be auditioning with songs from West Side Story, My Fair Lady, and The Sound of Music, I have an original Emme Connelly song written just for me.

For a second, just a second, my stomach drops. I hope Emme gets in. Her audition for the music composition program is in a couple weeks. Although her acceptance (or rejection) wont really affect my Plan. Shell still write songs for me. It would just be easier if she would also be at my school. Dont get me wrong, shes talented enough to get in, but being center stage really isnt her thing. She gets nervous.

Not everybody can be a natural.

Sophie Jenkins.

I hear my name and enter the auditorium. I cant wait to show the panel what Im capable of. Im ready to move on with my Plan and be the star that I know I am.

This is just one small step.

Check.

I want to get this over with.

My stomach has been in knots all morning. Oh, who am I kidding? Ive been a wreck since I got the date of this audition. Maybe going to CPA isnt the best idea. Ive got it pretty good in Greenwich. Ive got friends, and even better, Ive got Kelsey.

Although, I just got a girlfriend and what do I do? I audition for a school in New York City, which means Ill have to live at my parents Park Avenue apartment during the week.

Leave it to me to complicate one of the few good things in my life.