Tracy Wolff - Shredded

Im halfway up the mountain on the magic carpet when it hits me that its dark. Really dark, not just getting dark. Which sucks because it means Im done. That was the last run. No more boarding tonight since all of the good runs close down once it hits full dark.

Normally thats not a problemIve been out here for seven hours already and my body could use a break, especially since my toes started going numb over an hour ago.

But tonight Im not ready to go in. Not now, when my skin feels itchy and too tight and my brain is spinning with the need to forget

I cut the thought off as I exit the ski lift at the top of the mountain and unhook my gear. Instead I concentrate on unbuckling my board and checking the screws at the bottom of it to make sure theres no damage. I totally barged that last runwhich was banging at the timebut I carved the last few rails hard. My board took most of the impact, and I want to make sure its still solid.

Turns out it is, and Im just sliding it into the equipment rack to the right of the lift when Cam steps onto the snow behind me. Shes as excited as Ive ever seen her. Dude, that last run was wicked! Ive never seen you do that inverted triple cork before.

Thats cuz there are too many gaffers around here to get in the way. The last thing I need is to get tangled up with a tourist who doesnt know what hes doingthats how shit turns ugly, fast. But today I couldnt stop myself from busting out. From the second I woke up this morning theres been this force building inside me, pressing down on my chest until I feel like Im drowning. On days like this, taking it out on the powder is the only way I can breathe.

But the runs shutting downCam was the last one upand the feelings back, worse than before. Im standing here, wind kicking up, fresh air all around me, and still Im suffocating.

Beside me, Cam dumps her stuff next to mine, then heads for the bench where we normally wait for Lucas and Ash to finish up at the half-pipe. I follow her, but the second I sit down next to her the itchiness gets worse. As does the throbbing at the base of my neck.

Nope, sitting here in the dark, waiting, isnt going to do it for me tonight. Maybe if Id brought some weed to mellow me out, but my stash is at home. When Id left the house this morning, Id told myself I could handle it. That today was just another day.

What a fucking joke that is. I feel like Im going to explode.

I start to stand up again, to pace off the energy thats slamming at me from the inside, but Cam stops me with a hand on my arm. Im serious. That trick was freakin amazing. How long have you been working on it?

I dont know.

You probably started trying to do it yesterday. She shakes her head, looks disgusted. Ive been trying to do a 900any kind of 900for months now, and we both know how well thats going.

I bite my tongue to keep from pointing out that shes a girlthat no matter how strong she is and no matter how much she practices, Im going to be able to do things she cant. Not because Im a better boarder, because Im not. Shes totally sick on a snowboard. But testosterone is just one of those things. Im physically stronger than her, so I can catch bigger air, do more complicated tricks.

Im serious, she continues. One of these days Im going to figure out how to do that move.

No doubt.

Hey. She punches my shoulder. Dont patronize me.

Do I look like Im in the mood to patronize anyone? Right now, the pressures so bad I can barely talk, barely breathe.

So are you doing okay? she asks, laying a hand on my arm.

Yeah. Course I am. Totally solid. I shrug her hand away, and now I do stand up. Pretend Im fascinated watching the resort workers do all the routine tasks that come with closing up one of the black diamond runs.

But Cams not buying it. Shes right beside me again, her face tilted up to mine, her big brown eyes filled with a worry I just dont want. Or need. And something else. Something Im seeing from her more and more often lately. I usually avoid itshes one of my best friends, after all, not to mention the girl Lucs been in love with practically foreverbut for a second, just a second, I think about taking her up on the invitation.

Before I know what Im doing, I bend my head. Lean in. Our lips are only a few inches apart now and her eyes go wide, her breath catching in her throat. I can all but feel her tense, all but hear her heart pick up a beat.

It would be so easy to kiss her.

So easy to take her back to her place and fuck her like I have hundreds of other girls.

So easy to pretend it isnt her and just lose myself in another body.

But then what? I have a hard enough time looking at myself in the mirror as it is. If I screw with her like thatscrew with Lucfor an hour of sex that wont mean anything when its over, then Im an even bigger dick than I thought.

I cant do it. Not to her. And not to Luc.

There are plenty of girls out there who dont want anything more than I do. And whom I wont have to face in the morning.

I back away at the last second, nod toward the lodge. Come on. Lets go inside.

She stares at me for long moments, but this time all I see in her eyes is pure pissed-off female. Its a look Im well acquainted with, and relief sweeps through me as I register it. After all, having Cam mad at me is a million times better than having her looking at me with all that worry and other crap.

She doesnt call me on my shit, though, and since the winds really kicking upmaking the whole mountaintop look like a snow globe in the hands of a hyped-up toddlershe doesnt argue, either. At least not until we make it through the wide glass doors of the Lost Canyon ski lodge. Were only there a few seconds before a group of rowdy grommets plows straight into us, sending Cam sprawling on her ass. The kids take off running before either of us can do more than stare at the little monsters.

I hold out a hand to help her up and she takes it, but her blue eyes spark with annoyance. What exactly are we doing, Z? she demands as she climbs back to her feet. You know I hate coming in here.

Dont sweat it. Mikes not out here tonight. And even if he was, I wont let him near you.

She stiffens at the mention of her douche-bag ex. Hes not the one Im worried about.

Oh, yeah? Who are you worried about, then? I glance around. I wouldnt mind getting rid of some of this tension by beating the shit out of some guy whos hassling her.

You, Z. Im concerned about you.

Fuck. I walked right into that one. Cam, Luc, Ash, and I have been friends since we were like five. Which is great when you understand that wed pretty much lie down in traffic for each other, but not so great when it comes to the fact that we know everything there is to know about one anotherincluding the fucked-up stuff.

Dont be, I tell her, determined to get my head in the game. I already told you, Im solid.

Yeah, right. She pulls off her ski hat and her crazy red curls poof in all directions. With all that hair and her turquoise snowboarding suit she looks a little like a Muppet. A cute Muppet, but a Muppet nonetheless. To annoy herand maybe to distract her, tooI reach out a hand, ruffle her curls.

She slaps at me, but shes laughing, so I do it some more. The tension from that disaster of an almost-kiss fades away and relief whips through me. Ive fucked up enough in my life. Messing up my friendship with her and Luc, too, isnt an option.

She ducks down, escapes my hand before landing a bony elbow squarely in my stomach. I dont flinch, but only because not showing weakness is something of a religion with meeven to one of my closest friends. I give her curls an extra tug before dodging out of range, just to show her the elbow didnt hurt.