Sheri Tepper - Necromancer Nine

I had decided to change myself into a Dragon and go looking for mymother despite all argument to the contrary.

Himaggery the Wizard and old Windlow the Seer were determined otherwise.They had been after me for almost a year, ever since the great battle atBannerwell. Having seen what I did there, they had decided that myTalent could not be wasted, and between them they had thought of atleast a dozen things they wanted done with it. I, on the other hand,simply wanted to forget the whole thing. I wanted to forget I had becomethe ownercan I say owner ?of the Gamesmen of Barish, forget I hadever called upon the terrible Talents of those Gamesmen. Id only doneit to save my life, or so I told myself, and I wanted to forget aboutit.

Himaggery and Windlow wouldnt let me.

We were in one of the shining rooms at the Bright Demesne, a room fullof the fragrance of blossoms and ubiquitous wisps of mist. Old Windlowwas looking at me pathetically, eyes three-quarters buried in delicatewrinkles and mouth turned down in that expression of sweet reproach.Gamelords! One would think he was my mother. No. My own mother would nothave been guilty of that expression, not that wildly eccentric person.Himaggery was as bad, stalking the floor as he often did, hands rootinghis hair up into devils horns, spiky with irritation.

I dont understand you, boy, he said in that plaintive thunder of his.Were at the edge of a new age. Change rushes upon us. Great things areabout to happen; Justice is to be had at last. We invite you to help, toparticipate, to plan with us. You wont. You go hide in the orchards.You mope and slope about like some halfwitted pawn of a groom, and thenwhen I twit you a bit for behaving like a perennial adolescent, youmerely say you will change into a Dragon and go off to find MavinManyshaped. Why? We need you. Why wont you help us?

I readied my answers for the tenth time. I behave as an adolescent, Iwould say, because I am onebarely sixteen and puzzled over things whichwould puzzle men twice my age. I mope because I am apprehensive. I hidein orchards because I am tired of argument. I got ready to say thesethings.

And why, he thundered at me unexpectedly, go as a Dragon?

The question caught me totally by surprise. I thought it would berather fun, I said, weakly.

Fun! He shrugged this away as the trifle it was.

Well, all right, I answered with some heat. Then it would be quick.And likely no one would bother me.

Wrong on both counts, he said. You go flying off across the purlieusand demesnes as a Dragon, and every stripling Firedrake or baby Armigerable to get three man-heights off the ground will be challenging you toGames of Two. Youll spend more time dueling than looking for MavinManyshaped, and from what your thalan, Mertyn, tells me, she will take agood bit of finding. He made a gesture of frustrated annoyance, oddlycompassionate.

You have others, I muttered. You have thousands of followers here.Armigers ready to fly through the air on your missions. Elators ready toflick themselves across the lands if you raise an eyebrow at them.Demons ready to Read the thoughts of any who come within leagues of theBright Demesne. You dont need me. Cant you let one young person findout something about himself before you eat him up in your plots?

Windlow said, If you were just any young person, wed let you alone, myboy. You arent just any young person. You know that. Himaggery knowsit. I know it. Isnt that right?

I dont care, I said, trying not to sound merely contentious.

You should care. You have a Talent such as any in the world might envy.Talents, I should say. Why, theres almost nothing you cant do, orcause, or bring into being.

I cant, I shouted at them. Himaggery, Windlow, I cant. It isnt mewho does all those things.

I pulled the pouch from my belt and emptied it upon the table betweenus, the tiny carved Gamesmen rolling out onto the oiled wood inclattering profusion. I set two of them upon their bases, the tallerones, a black Necromancer and a white Queen, Dorn and Trandilar. Theysat there, like stone or wood, giving no hint of the powers and wonderswhich would come from them if I gripped them in my hand. I tried togive them to you once, Himaggery. Remember? You wouldnt take them. Yousaid, No, Peter, they came to you. They belong to you, Peter. Well,theyre mine, Himaggery, but they arent mine. I wish youd understand.

Explain it to me, he said, blank faced.

I tried. When I first took the figure of Dorn into my hand, there inthe caves under Bannerwell, Dorn came into my mind. He was is an oldman, Himaggery. Very wise. Very powerful. His mind has sharp edges; hehas seen strange things, and his mind echoes with themresonates tothem. He can do strange, very marvelous things. It is he who does them.I am only a kind of a

Host, suggested Windlow. Housing? Vehicle?

I laughed without humor. They knew so much but understood so little.Perhaps. Later, I took Queen Trandilar, Mistress of Beguilement. Firstof all the Rulers. Younger than Dorn, but still, far older than I am.She had lived fully. She had understanding I did not of erotic things.She does wonderful things, too, but it is she who does them. I pointedto the other Gamesmen on the table. There are nine other types there.Dealpas, eidolon of Healers. Sorah, mightiest of Seers. Shattnir, mostpowerful of Sorcerers. I suppose I could take them all into myself,become a kind of inn, hotel for them. If that is all I am to be.Ever.

Windlow was looking out the window, his face sad. He began to chant, achilds rhyme, one used for jump rope. Night-dark, dust-old, bony Dorn,grave-cold; Flesh-queen, love-star, lust-pale, Trandilar; Shifted,fetched, sent-far, trickiest is Thandbar. He turned to Himaggery andshook his head slowly, side to side. Let the boy alone, he said.

Himaggery met the stare, held it, finally flushed and looked away. Verywell, old man. I have said everything I can say. If Peter will not, hewill not. Better he do as he will, if that will content him.

Windlow tottered over to me and patted my shoulder. He had to reach upto do it. I had been growing rather a lot. It may be you will makethese Talents your own someday, boy. It may be you cannot wield a Talentwell unless it is your own. In time, you may make Dorns Talent yours,and Trandilars as well.

I did not think that likely, but did not say so.

Himaggery said, When you go, keep your ears open. Perhaps you can learnsomething about the disappearances which will help us.

What disappearances? I asked guardedly.

The ones we have been discussing for a season, he said. Thedisappearances which have been happening for decades now. A vanishmentof Wizards. Disappearances of Kings. They go, as into nothing. No oneknows how, or where, or why. Among those who go, too many were ourallies.

Youre trying to make me curious, I accused. Trying to make me stay.

He flushed angrily. Of course I want you to stay, boy. Ive begged you.Of course I wish you were curious enough to offer your help. But if youwont, you wont. If Windlow says not to badger you, I wont. Go findyour mother. Though why you should want to do so is beyond me and hisvoice faded away under Windlows quelling glare.