Contents
Guide
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Adams Media
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Copyright 2018 by Simon & Schuster, Inc.
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First Adams Media trade paperback edition MARCH 2018
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ISBN 978-1-5072-0712-3
ISBN 978-1-5072-0713-0 (ebook)
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DEDICATION
To our partners, parents, and pals for putting up with questions like these for many years before we had a good excuse.
INTRODUCTION
Would you rather have pirates or Vikings house-sit for you?
If a werewolf landed on the moon, would it touch down as a person or a wolf?
Is it better for your home to be haunted by a stranger or a family member?
If these questions send your thoughts racing and shift your hand into chin-stroking position, welcome to your new favorite book. Questions for Deep Thinkers is your shortcut to genius. Here you will find more than two hundred questionswith topics ranging from philosophy and literature to the social sciences and the artsall guaranteed to transform your dinner table or dorm room into a hip debate society. After all, where else are you going to find a reason to ponder which dinosaur is least likely to kill you; what would have happened if Romeo and Juliet met online; or whether Picasso would have enjoyed Mr. Potato Head? And if youre not sure how to even begin answering these questions, dont worry! We dont expect you to have all the answers, so each chapter begins with a sample debate to chart the way.
As the renowned deep thinker Socrates said, The unexamined life is not worth living. (Indeed, one could imagine him writing this type of book were it not for his unfortunate hemlock-drinking habit.) So read on, open your mind, and get ready to examine lifes greatest mysteriesor, you know, just have a fun night answering some genius-level questions with your friends.
CHAPTER 1
PHILOSOPHY FOR DEEP THINKERS
True deep thinkers are hot for philosophy. Philosophers ask big questions. They ponder humanity. They wear togas. (We can offer you the first two, and you can take care of the third with a bedsheet and a few safety pins.) By the end of this chapter youll have explored enduring mysteries. Are vampires annoyed by mosquitoes? Do ghosts surf the web? How ripped would you get enduring eternal labor in Hell? Philosopher Ren Descartes once said, I think, therefore I am. So read on and be somebody!
Can ghosts choose who they haunt?
POINT: It is well established that ghosts are bound to a single set location for the course of their unfinished astral business. Theyre called haunted houses, not haunted Christines. Maybe in the fifties that meant a ghoul could haunt one family for decades or even a whole life. But in this economy? Ghosts are lucky if they can even get to know your name, sleeping schedule, and top three fears before you get evicted and theyre on to a new hauntee. Theres no stability for todays ghosts. Tragic, really.
COUNTERPOINT: You make it sound like being a ghost is akin to working the night shift at a hospital: just take whatever job comes up first. Youre telling me that Ebenezer Scrooge just happened to encounter three ghosts who were perfectly suited for him? Heck no! Ghosts decide who to haunt, where to haunt, and what type of chain will make the best rattle. They look at all the possible hauntees and say, Hey, I bet I can convince that guy to change his ways with some holiday-inspired life lessons!
If a werewolf landed on the moon, would it touch down as a person or a wolf?
If a Sasquatch and a yeti met in the wild, would they be able to communicate?
Do ghosts use the Internet?
What do vampires think of mosquitoes?
Would Jesus prefer to celebrate Christmas or Easter?
Its the first dance at your wedding: would you rather have your former middle school self pick the song or possess your body and dance for you?
Is dog Heaven the same as human Heaven?
Is it better to starve to death or be eaten alive by your favorite animal?
If you are sent to Hell to do eternal labor, does your body become muscular but rangy like a jacked old mans or does it grow stronger and stronger but always look slightly less fit?
Which is better: to know that you will eventually drown in a pool of your own sweat, but never know when, or sweat so much that your clothes drip during every important event of your life?
Did Noah want to eat any of the animals on the ark?
Would you choose to become a world-famous rock star, along with all the glories that entails, if you could never hear music again?
Is it better to be told the meaning of life as a baby or as an elderly person at deaths door?
If human beings laid eggs, would people eat as many chicken eggs as they do today?
Is a loincloth underwear?
Could you shave a Sasquatch and pass it off as a professional athlete?
Would you rather have your worst grade school haircut forever or have the most embarrassing thing you ever wrote be read on national TV next to a picture of your face?