John Lithgow - Trumpty Dumpty Wanted a Crown

Copyright 2020 by John Lithgow. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Lithgow, John, 1945- author.
Title: Trumpty Dumpty wanted a crown : verses for a despotic age / John Lithgow.
Other titles: Verses for a despotic age
Description: San Francisco : Chronicle Prism, [2020] | Series: Dumpty ; 1 |
Identifiers: LCCN 2020029056 | ISBN 9781797209463 (hardcover) | ISBN 9781797209487 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Trump, Donald, 1946---Humor. | Trump, Donald, 1946---Caricatures and cartoons. | Political satire, American. | Humorous poetry, American. | American wit and humor. | United States--Politics and government--2017---Humor.
Classification: LCC E913.3 .L583 2020 | DDC 973.933092--dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020029056 Illustrations by John Lithgow.
Design by Sara Schneider.
Typeset in Adobe Caslon, Brandon Grotesque, and Daft Brush. | United States--Politics and government--2017---Humor.
Classification: LCC E913.3 .L583 2020 | DDC 973.933092--dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020029056 Illustrations by John Lithgow.
Design by Sara Schneider.
Typeset in Adobe Caslon, Brandon Grotesque, and Daft Brush.

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chronicleprism.com When somebodys the president of the United States, the authority is total, and thats the way its got to be. DUMPTY, APRIL 13, 2020

Yesterday, some crazy stuff happened in Washington, DC. Remember? In the midst of a raging pandemic, and after four straight days of nationwide protest against systemic racism and police brutality, President Donald Trump delivered a lacerating speech at the White House. He called himself your law-and-order president and threatened to use American military force against Americans. While he spoke, the sound of flash grenades and horses could be heard in the background as a hastily assembled army of federal, state, and local law enforcement cleared a crowd of peaceful demonstrators from Lafayette Square.

Immediately after his speech, the president strutted through the cleared-out park with a gaggle of his top officials dumbly trotting along behind him. Taking several of them by surprise, he posed with a Bible for a photo op in front of St. Johns Church. He then summoned a few of the officials to stand beside him for more photos. They included his rumpled attorney general, his bewildered defense secretary, and his perky new press secretary. They looked like hapless audience members hauled up onstage by Dame Edna to make them look foolish in front of the crowd.

It was a scene of autocratic sham glamour that would not have been out of place in a modern-day retelling of The Emperors New Clothes. King Dumptys winsome daughter had carried the Bible to the photo op in a $1,540 Max Mara handbag. Much of the country thought this political charade was crass, infuriating, and deeply disturbing. Even Trumps most fervent supporters must have thought it was a really bad idea. I thought it was all those things, but I also thought it was stupid and ridiculous. If it werent such a horror show, it would have been farce.

What a poem it would have made for this book! Alas, all of this happened just yesterday, on June 1, 2020. My poems had already been completed and sent off to my publisher just days before. So much for comic timing. With political satire, timing is everything, and the cumbersome process of book publishing makes timing especially tricky. I wrote the following verses in real time, responding to events as they occurred. But with events coming at me with such speed and impact, I was faced with a harsh truth: Everything I write on one day is ancient history on the next.

With the lag between completing my poems and having them see the light of day, four months of history goes unaddressed. Writing this book has made me think a lot about history. In fact, its my second book of Trump-era poems in the course of a year. The first, called simply Dumpty, was published in October of 2019. When it appeared, a surprising thing kept happening. Over and over, readers would remark that they had forgotten all about the targets of many of the poems.

These were figures who had flamed out early in the Trump administration: Tom Price, Scott Pruitt, Ronny Jackson, and many more. It turns out that my smart-ass poems had performed a minor but important service: They had reminded readers of forgotten moments in our recent history and, by the handy device of rhyme, had made them a little more memorable. So now, as I think about my intentions with this second book, I realize they are threefold: to make you laugh, to make you mad, and to make you remember. As you read the following poems, youll come across one of my favorites. Its called Fake News. It concludes with the following couplet, in the voice of our president himself: Fake news doesnt bother me.
Ill just rewrite history.

These poems are my modest attempt to make sure that doesnt happen. JL, June 2, 2020

Trumpty Dumpty wanted a crown To make certain he never would have to step down. He wanted a robe made of ermine and velvet. The Constitution? He wanted to shelve it. With impeachment a wash, his ambition had grown. He wanted an orb, a scepter, a throne; Six royal palaces, six royal carriages, A church dispensation for six royal marriages; Courtiers installed on his own Supreme Court And royal beheadings, if only for sport.

He craved the occasional royal procession And (gasp!) the eventual royal succession. Trumpty Dumpty gets his way Unless the public has something to say. If we let him have all of his favorite things, Well have to endure the divine right of kings. On December 18, 2019, DONALD J. TRUMPbecame the third American president to be impeached. Alleged to have used the levers of government to solicit help from Ukraine for his reelection, he was charged with abuse of power and obstruction of Congress.

The Republican-majority Senate acquitted him of both charges.

What goes on with Rabid Rudy, Monster of ineptitudy? Dumptys spinning weather vane Botched his mission in Ukraine. Mixing bribes and dirty tricks, He soiled our geopolitics. Filled with rage and babbling bluster, Americas Mayor has lost his luster.Next page