Fiora Aeterna - undoing the pain
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source: https://gist.github.com/gcr/47a8f2baaa5810087615b4a858619fe5
https://docs.google.com/document/u/1/d/1lR4NWLlCbBAxrXdRiVn82zC3iiF7fATPtVnPA2C1TwU/edit
for those of us who never learned how
or for those of us who are
and want to be able to share
but dont know how.
recently, i noticed some people i know are very well-adapted. able to motivate themselves to do what they desire. able to enjoy as much of their life as possible. able to feel emotions freely without being trapped by them. able to connect with others, make friends. pleasant to be with.
but above all, these people have a feeling of being unassailable. they are extremely themselves, in a way that cant be taken from them. not only are they largely free from past trauma, but seemingly resistant to current and future trauma. strong, but not strong through rigidity or shutting out feelings strong because they have fully embraced their feelings in a healthy way. they are free to live, free from being held back by their own inhibitions.[1]
theres one more important thing. these people werent born like this. they didnt grow up like this either. it was something they became, even if not intentionally. some used to be trapped by past trauma or even suicidal. and they came from all kinds of backgrounds: it wasnt something you could simply pin on a particular upbringing or life situation.
so i began asking questions:
- what makes these people themselves?
- how did they get to be who they are today?
- how can the rest of us become more like them?
and i began writing up what i learned.
as a final note, such freedom and enlightenment has been something sought and taught under many different spiritual traditions. i do not believe any particular sort of spirituality is necessary to be free. everything here is about your own personal experience and your relationship with the world around you, nothing more. accordingly, it should be compatible with most forms of spirituality, should you wish to include that in your life as well.
a common misperception is that pain, trauma, etc, are things we have to justify. that we have to prove that there is some reason for our pain now, perhaps a traumatic event in the past, before we can accept that pain as real and start working to free ourselves from it.
this is completely false.
it does not matter if you cannot pinpoint any cause of the pain. it does not matter if the cause of the pain seems trivial. it does not matter if you have constantly been told you have no reason to feel that way.[2]
because no matter how many times you tell yourself those things, the pain is still there. you cannot make it go away by saying it shouldnt be there. if the pain is there, it is a valid thing you can work to free yourself from. we do not measure how bad the pain is by measuring how bad the things that caused the pain were. we measure it by how bad you feel right now, and how much that pain holds you back. even if you believe your pain is entirely of your own making, that pain is still entirely real. in fact, that is normal: for many of us, our greatest pains are, to a larger extent, of our own making.that is part of the nature of being human.
this is a work in progress. please share your feedback and ideas in the comments. most importantly, i want to know your stories about how these ideas have worked for you, especially if you think they can be described in different ways in order to make them more accessible, or if you feel like theyre missing some critical insight that you had to discover on your own.
part of how we become wiser and more free is by seeing how others solve their problems. accordingly, your story is important to me.
these are a collection of ideas.
guidelines. road signs.
things we can rely on.
here is a good, healthy way to be.
they will not solve all our problems.
and they may not be easy to internalize,
to turn from mere words into pathways in the mind.
after all, this isnt therapy.
this is just a bunch of signs.
but maybe some of them will help someone.
some of them may seem obvious to you.
if so: fantastic. that means you already know.
but a lot of us dont. or didnt, at some point.
and even if you do know,
do you know how to share it
with those who dont?
being able to enjoy your life.
being able to motivate yourself towards whatever you want to do.
being free from self-doubt, anxiety, guilt, shame, and needless inhibitions.
being able to connect with others. to spread joy, to make others enjoy you too.
being free from all self-imposed walls between you and your dreams.
part of these road signs are about actions you can take.
things that, done repeatedly and earnestly,
can help move you in the right direction.
they also describe places you can get to. this is important.
many of us have been taught to feel shame
for personality features that are actually good.
these road signs can help keep us on the right course,
and let us better embrace those beautiful parts of ourselves.
all the ways in which you are not free
all your fears, all your anxieties
all your guilts, all your shames
are also part of you.
they cannot be separated from you.
in seeking to free yourself,
you will inevitably change yourself.
your way of thinking
your likes and dislikes
your hopes and dreams
your way of being you
your raison detre
all of these things may change
even without you intending to.
holding onto them too hard
will keep you from being free.
be wary of this thought:
i want to become more free so that i can better achieve my concrete goals
goals are often just the chains we have bound ourselves with
as we wonder why its become so hard to move.
it is possible that as you free yourself, your goals may change entirely.
you may need to find new ways to enjoy things you once loved.
you may find new things to love altogether.
but you will be happier.
are you prepared for this?
do you value freedom, joy, and love
more than anything in your entire life?
yes?
good.
then we can begin.
our life is a constant interplay between two forces.
the first is our internal model:
a set of learned responses to our experiences.
the second is external input. our perception.
all the things we hate about ourselves,
all the trauma we carry with us,
all the feelings we wish we didnt have,
those are all part of our internal model.
if youre here, you probably want to change your internal model.
you may have tried to do this many times
by suppressing the feelings you dont like.
tried to change through internal pressure:
by pushing back against yourself.
you may have noticed that this doesnt work.
there is another approach.
pay more attention to everything in the world around you
except yourself.
when you go for a walk
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