Turner - Churched : one kids journey toward God despite a holy mess

Prelude

T he mans shoulder was inked with a tattoo of Jesus breathing fire out of his mouth, which I concluded to mean one of two things: the man was going to offer me the opportunity to be born again in the hot fumes of a fire-breathing Messiah or he planned to kill me and make it necessary for me to be born again.

Like any good American, I had already been born againsince childhood Id pretty much been on shuffle and repeatbut I still feared either scenario. I couldnt stop looking at the mans shoulder. His Jesus was green and faded, and because of a small mole, it appeared as though my Lord and Savior had a foreign object dangling from one nostril. Then the man looked at me from the opposite end of the sauna, tightened the towel around his waist, and said, How are you, man? My name is Jim.

I didnt say anything at first. His question sort of paralyzed me. Would he pull a small Gideons Bible from somewhere underneath that towel, look up a bunch of frightful verses in Romans, and then ask me to get down on my hands and knees and repeat after him? I wouldnt do it. Not in a sauna. Not just wearing a towel. Besides, I had sworn off being born again again in this decade.

Hello. I spoke carefully, still not ready to trust a person who had a flaming-tongue Messiah on an appendage. My name is Matthew.

Good to meet you, Matthew. Man, I dont know about you, but I have had the craziest day. Jim stared at me as he talked. I think he was making sure I paid attention. I didnt even work out today. I just came right to the sauna. He stretched his arms and then massaged his left shoulder, pinching Jesuss face with his fingers.

I live in Nashville. The stereotypes about this town are true. Everyone is or has been a musician at some point in their life. Most of us who live here will carry on long conversations with people we dont know. When it rains here, the majority of us forget how to drive and become fully capable of killing ourselves. And everyone here has asked Jesus into their hearts at least once, if only to fulfill the requirements for getting a Tennessee drivers license.

But if I was going to stay true to the Nashville way, I would have to ask Jim to explain his crazy day. Thats not considered nosey in this town. He fully expected me to ask.

Whats been so crazy about your day?

Oh, just work, man. One of those days when you wonder whether or not you should have gotten out of bed.

What kind of work do you do?

Im an associate pastor at the Pentecostal church just up the road.

The apostolic one?

Oh, you know it?

Its sort of difficult to miss.

Yeah, I guess youre right. And its about to get bigger. The deacon board just approved a ten-million-dollar expansion. Some of the members think we need a new connection center. I think its a waste of money, but what are you going to do? So Matthew, are you a Christian?

I love Jesus. Does that count?

Jim laughed as though he understood what I meant.

At the time, I was going through a period when I didnt like telling people I was a Christian. I didnt want them to be scared of me, fearing that I would invite them to church or a rock concert starring Kutless. And I didnt want them blaming me for the war in Iraq. Simply telling people I loved Jesus seemed like a cop-out to some of my friends, but often it kept me from having to own the sins of evangelicals in places like Kansas or South Carolina or two miles up the road at Jims Pentecostal church.

You know, man, said Jim, I moved here a couple of years ago from Connecticut, where itsin my opinionspiritually dry. I thought moving here would make being a Christian a whole lot easier.

Easier? Why did you think that?

Because Nashville is the Christian Mecca. Jim made air quotes with his fingers when he said, Christian Mecca. Im sure he did it so I wouldnt assume he believed Nashville was Mecca or that Mecca was Christian.

Among Christians, air quotes are a form of contextualization. Im partial to using them myself, mostly because they prevent somebody from taking a potentially rash or exaggerated statement and using it against me. Wait just a minute, I can say to my antagonist. I totally threw air quotes around the words big fat loser when describing the pastor. That clears me, man. Im clean.

While theyre not biblical, air quotes seem to sanctify insults and debatable theology like baptismal water sanctifies a babys forehead.

But I understood Jims point. While Im quite sure religious people in places like Chicago and Detroit dont kneel southward when they say prayers to Jesus, I have met a good number of vacationers who come to Nashville because this city is a big ol John Deere buckle in the Bible Belt.

Seriously, think about it, Matthew. Do you know of any other city in America better known for its fear of God? Jim wiped sweat off his brow. I dont think I do.

I thought for a second. I hear Colorado Springs is rather fearful.

Im sure thats true. But I doubt its Nashville. Ive been told this town has more churches per capita than any other city in America. Jim nodded. Honest-to-God truth, Matthew, thats what Ive been told by a number of people, and I can believe it.

I believed it too. No doubt we have a lot of churches in this town. But since Ive heard the same statistic used in reference to Dallas, Birmingham, and Orlando, Im not sure its scientific. But scientific matters dont hold much weight in Christian cultural claims, so it probably wouldnt count even if proven.

Even if Nashville doesnt lead with the most churches, Ive always said that one of this citys chief exports is Jesus. Gods only Son gets shipped, bused, couriered, radioed, televised, faxed, e-mailed, and, if need be, dropped like a bomb from twenty thousand feet in places all over the world because of what happens here in Nashville. In many ways, we are Gods command center. His Pentagon. His newer Jerusalem.

With a push of a button, we can have a million Bibles dropped in a remote location in China. With a phone call or two, we can get a person carrying some very good news to show up on your doorstep, like Publishers Clearing House. The only catch is, you have to die before youre able to afford that mansion youve always dreamed of.

Jim and I walked out of the sauna to cool off. He sat on one of the benches, and I went over to the water fountain.

So tell me why you thought moving to Nashville would make it easier to be a Christian, I said.

He laughed. Because Christians are everywhere. I thought it would be amazing to be in a city where Jesus is as much a part of the culture as Dolly and Cracker Barrel.

I laughed. Okay, I get that. Ive probably been there at some point in my life.

I also thought it would make being a pastor a lot easier. I mean, back home I would never have had this kind of conversation with somebody at the gym. Here, it happens every time I work out. Its almost annoying. Sometimes it feels like were playing church. Its difficult to explain.

But I understand what youre saying.

Id been looking for a way to ask about the tattoo, but with no open window, I just blurted, Jim, you have to tell me the deal with the tattoo.