Lauren Kunze - The Ivy

WEST HOLLYWOOD HIGH
Class of 2010

Callie,

Youre a skinny bitch but I love you anyway. Have a great summer! xoxo Samantha

Hey Cal,

Thanks for always having my back in Calc. Without you, I dont think Id be graduating. Good luck next year! Kevin

Dear Legally Blonde:

(Seriously, it never gets old!) They say youre a mega-genius and all, but I dont hold it against you because youre smokin hot. If you ever get bored with Evan, you know who to callJerry

Callie,

Dont forget us when youre famous!

Best, Lisa

Hahvahd,

Ditto what Jerry said Ted, 555.3621

Callie,

Four words: Game Three, State Championships. Your header off of my corner kick = EPIC. I will remember it always, along with all the practices,all the sleepovers, all the pranks (the boys team
STILL doesnt know who dyed their uniforms purple!), and of course, all the games. Even if you hadnt scored the winning goal at State, youd still be my Number One. Knock em dead at Harvard. Co-captains 4eva,
Mellissa

Cal,

Oh the irony, oh the clich. Whats a best friend to say here in a yearbook anyway? Its not like Im not going to see you every day this summer (if I can separate you from Evan for two seconds, that is). But in all seriousness, I wouldnt even know where to beginso many things that Im going to miss... Tuesday night fro-yo, Thursday morning study hall, working on the homecoming float, losing to you for homecoming queen!still pissed btw ;)staying at your dads and pretending we go to UCLA, pretending we go to UCLA so we could sneak into frat parties (definitely having a repeat this summer), using Ted and Jerry to meet older varsity athletes (oh wait, that one was just me), your first real bra, my first kiss, 7th grade gym class, auditioning for that reality show, The Secret Notebook, July 19th 2006, poolside BBQs, beachside bonfires, Mani-WHAT? Why are you touching my FEET?!?, Fashion Police!, the real police (dont blame me if that gets out when youre Mrs. Davies, Esq., and Evans running for office), the night we accidentally locked ourselves in Bryans bathroom....

Wow. There are just too many memories... and its summertime now, biatch, so lets go make some more. Not going to say Ill miss you... Not going to cry!

(OK, so maybe youre worth it)

xxx Jess

Miss Callie Andrews:

Well, I must say its been a real pleasure competing with you over the past twelve years of our academic careers. The title of valedictorian was truly up for grabs toward the end, and I want to thank you for abdicating so gracefully. It cannot have been easy. They say the only reason one chooses Harvard over Yale is because one was not admitted to the latter, but Im sure thats not the case with you.

Best of luck,

Scott Hamilton Wentworth

T O J OS F LIX A LEGRA

FOR MAKING IT WORTH WRITING ABOUT

I DONT WANT TO REPEAT MY INNOCENCE.

I JUST WANT THE PLEASURE OF LOSING IT AGAIN.

F. SCOTT FITZGERALD, THIS SIDE OF PARADISE

Contents

Chapter One
Move-in Day

P ARK Y OUR C AR IN H ARVARD Y ARD

D earest Froshlings: peons and future leaders of America, Move-in day is officially here, and the upperclassmen cannot wait to welcome you to Harvard: our humble abode. Working tirelessly for your benefit as usual, I have compiled a list of the five *crucial* things you should know before you set foot in the historic city of Cambridge. These are the rules. Your homework: memorize.

1. what to read

Ladies, for your BA: Vogue, Vanity Fair , and Hello magazines; read the New York Times in public and Star in private.

Gentlemen, for your BS: the Wall Street Journal and the Economist are the bare necessities.

Gold diggers, for your MRS: Forbes 500, aka the Bible. Looks like at least three members of your newly admitted class are from families that made this years top 100.

2. what to drink

Anything to keep those baby genius neurons firing fast: Red Bull, Sugar Free Red Bull, or my personal favorite, a Venti Caff Mocha from Starbucks. Better make it nonfat, sugar-free, no-whip if you plan to avoid gaining the Freshman Fifteen.

Also, please keep in mind: Beer is for middle schoolers and football players. Youre an adult now, kiddo: imbibe accordingly.

3. what to eat

Nothing. Seriously, do not eat. Especially not between the hours of 6 P.M. 3 A.M. Unless, of course, youd like to gain fifteen pounds. Or, according to recent trends, what is fast becoming the Freshman Twenty-five. Damn you, inflation.

4. what to wear

I generally rely on a little something I call the Three Ps. Thats pearls, Prada, and La Perla. Of course, I understand that for some of you, this may be a little too much to ask. My only real request, then, is that you showerdaily. Youd be surprised how difficult most Harvard students seem to find this one easy task.

5. who to meet

Some like to limit their social milieu to the people whose last names are the same as the major buildings on campus, or to those admitted due to their God-given talents in crew, squash, or equestrianism. My advice, however, is to put your Socially Darwinian attitudes aside, and get out there and meet some genuine Harvard dorks. They may look and smell a little different from the rest of us, but without them, Harvard wouldnt have nuclear weapons, MIT wouldnt have a weather machine, and I never would have made it through Math 21a.

Armed with these five simple rules, you stand a chance of surviving your first semester (dont worry, most people dowith exceptions).

And oh, I almost forgot: the Unspoken RuleRule #6. Since youre new, Ill give it to you straight: Freshmen girls, stay away from the upperclassmen boys. They only care about only one thing, and it doesnt involve your perfect high school transcript.

Welcome to life in the Bubble,

Alexis Thorndike, Advice Columnist

Fifteen Minutes Magazine

Harvard Universitys Authority on Campus Life since 1873

C allie Andrews struggled under the weight of two enormous cardboard boxes which, in a typical move, she had stacked one on top of the other, confident that she could handle the load. She was wrong. As her foot edged over the final step of the staircase leading up to the second floor of Wigglesworth Dormitoryher home at Harvard for the next yearthe top box, the one her mother had insisted on labeling INTIMATES with a huge permanent marker, started to slip.

Here, let me give you a hand with that, said a voice from over her shoulder.

No, thats all right Ive got it she began, but before she could say that she was stronger than she looked, thank you very much, he stepped into view. She gasped and both boxes plummeted to the floor, flaps flying open and contents scattering everywhere.

Under normal circumstances spilling your INTIMATES , OLD SOCCER STUFF , and other items of a highly personal nature all over the hallway on this day, move-in day, the very first day of college, andif the cheesy graduation speech by Scott Wentworth the nose-picking, perpetually sweating valedictorian of West Hollywood High who beat Callie out by an infuriating fraction of a grade point average were to be believedthe First Day of the Rest of Your Life, could be a bit embarrassing. Callie, however, was completely distracted.

Once during her junior year at semifinals for State, a soccer ball had hit her squarely in the solar plexus. That was sort of what she felt like now: unable to breathe or speak as she struggled to remain upright. Recovering her balance, Callie ran a hand through her post-red-eye airplane hair, cursing herself for neglecting to brush it that morning or bother with any makeup. She could almost hear the voice of her best friend, Jessica, who had already started at Stanford two weeks ago, saying, I told you so, Caldoesnt matter if youre going ten miles to a party or ten feet to my pool. You gotta get your face fully on before you leave the house because you never know when youre going to have a date with destiny.