Also by Matt Haig
Shadow Forest
The Runaway Troll
To Be A Cat
Echo Boy
A Boy Called Christmas
The Girl Who Saved Christmas
Father Christmas and Me
First published in Great Britain in 2018
by Canongate Books Ltd,
14 High Street, Edinburgh EH1 1TE
canongate.co.uk
This digital edition first published in 2018 by Canongate Books
Copyright 2018, Matt Haig
Illustrations copyright 2018, Chris Mould
Extract from The Truth Pixie Goes to School copyright Matt Haig, 2019
The moral right of the author has been asserted
British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data
A catalogue record for this book is available on
request from the British Library
ISBN 978 1 78689 432 8
eISBN 978 1 78689 433 5
To Pearl and Lucas
In a land two thousand miles from here,
Is a place where snow falls all the year.
There you find trolls and goblins and elves,
And talking rabbits, rather pleased with themselves.
Other odd creatures live there as well,
Like this Truth Pixie, whose tale I shall tell.
Truth Pixies sad, as shes not like the others,
Shes not like her nineteen sisters or thirty-eight brothers.
Shes not like her brother Brian who dances and sings,
Shes not like her sister Sylva with bright shiny wings.
She cant tell stories, she cant sing songs,
She cant do magic, she cant right wrongs.
In fact, for a pixie, she is quite peculiar,
And the reason for that is her great-aunt Julia.
When she was young, Aunt J cast a spell,
She said, From this day on, the truth you shall tell.
To be the Truth Pixie, that is her curse,
She must tell the truth, for better or worse.
Imagine!
Wherever she is, whatever the day,
She only has one kind of thing to say.
Just as cats go
The Truth Pixie can only
Say things that are
true.
And cows go
Its good to never tell a lie,
Thats what people always say,
But theyve probably never met the Truth Pixie,
On a cold Midwinters day.
If shed done something wrong, shed have to confess,
And if you looked scruffy shed say,
So, the pixie stays alone in her little yellow house,
With no friends, except for a strange brown mouse.
The mouse is called Maarta and lives in her hair.
Yes, thats right. Her hair,
look
, the mouse is there!
The pixie looks at her empty shelves,
We must go to town to feed ourselves.
The Truth Pixie sighs
As she puts on a shoe,
Shes ever so lonely,
But what can she do?
To make good friends, it shouldnt be hard.
Invite them to dinner, send them a card,
Sing them a song, or have a party,
Be super kind and dress really smartly.
Well, poor TP shes tried this and more,
But now look shes scared to leave her own door.
No matter the card, no matter the song,
Something always ALWAYS goes wrong.
Like the time she made dinner for an elf named Tinky,
And said that her breath was far too stinky.
Or when she had a party for her sister Amelie,
And sang Happy Birthday in front of her family.
So her family got cross,
And never came back.
And where there were friends,
There was now a big lack.
So the Truth Pixie decided
(Along with her mouse),
To give up on friends,
And stay sad in her house.
Truth shouldnt hurt people,
Truth shouldnt surprise,
But, oh Maarta, it does!
I so wish Id tell lies.
When I go out, I hope to see
Absolutely no one, except you and me.
The Truth Pixie looks in the mirror
And tells herself, Dont cry.
Even as she wipes
A lonely tear from her eye.
And so she is off,
Walking fast into town,
Trying to look unfriendly,
And keep her head down.
But OH NO!
Whats this over here?
An elf waving,
And grinning ear to ear.
The Truth Pixie tries to hide
Inside a big bush,
And says to her mouse,
Please, Maarta! Shush!
But its too late, she knows its true,
Cos the elf is saying, How do you do?
Of course, most people would say,
Im fine, have a nice day!
And then theyd happily be on their way.
But the Truth Pixie cant just be polite;
This pixie tells the truth if it takes until night.
So she breathes deep, and closes her eyes...
Well, Im feeling dreadful, and thats no lie.
And, now that you ask, if you really must know,
When I left the house, I stubbed my big toe.
But thats not the trouble, not really, no.
Every elf or pixie who asks me a question,
Gets a horrible truth I cant help but mention.
So, Im stressed in bed and stressed on the loo,
And the mouse in my hair has just done a poo.
Okay. Right, says the elf, backing away.
Is that the time?... Maybe another day!
Our pixie poor pixie waves bye and feels sad.
I reply to their questions, but they just think Im mad.
I dont know how to stop doing what I do,
Without answering questions with things that are true.
The Truth Pixie carries on with her walking,
And hopes she wont have to do any more talking.
I wish there was someone who could handle the truth.
But there isnt. And my lonely heart is the proof.
As she reaches town, the road becomes busy,
The Truth Pixies fear of questions is making her dizzy.
Do you like my hair? another elf enquires.
Hmm. It looks like a thousand ugly wires.
What about my clothes? I got them from this
great place.
Well, to be fair, theyre better than your face.
The elf is angry and goes bright red.
Along comes a rabbit, fuffy and brown,
Wondering about the Truth Pixies frown.
The Truth Pixie groans and speaks without blinking:
Im thinking that rabbits are the oddest things ever,
Floppy-eared weirdos who arent very clever.
Im thinking, I wish they didnt go shopping,
When they cant even walk, and insist upon hopping,
And I keep on stepping in their gross round droppings
Im sorry for the truth but its just not stopping...
The Truth Pixie bites her own hand
And runs down the street,
Until she looks up,
And sees two massive feet.
Too late!
Crash! And bump!
She bangs into a foot
And a big warty lump!
The foot is so huge and knobbly and wide,
The pixie feels fear all through her insides.
Im so sorry! I didnt see where I was going!
But hey, look at that, I think its stopped snowing!
The Truth Pixie stares up and up to the sky.
Her heart beats fast and theres no wondering why
The person shes met is no person at all
But a troll whos way over thirty feet tall.
She knows of the troll.
Shes seen him before.
He likes to start fights and
Is best to ignore.
He picks up the pixie to get a close look.
The Truth Pixie read about this in a book.
Shes pulled high in the sky, trapped in his fist.
