penguin life
THE COMFORT BOOK
Matt Haig is the author of the internationally bestselling memoir Reasons to Stay Alive and the follow-up Notes on a Nervous Planet, along with six novels, including The Midnight Library, and several award-winning childrens books. His work has been translated into more than thirty languages.
ALSO BY MATT HAIG
The Last Family in England
The Dead Fathers Club
The Possession of Mr. Cave
The Radleys
The Humans
Humans: An AZ
Reasons to Stay Alive
How to Stop Time
Notes on a Nervous Planet
The Midnight Library
For Children
The Runaway Troll
Shadow Forest
To Be a Cat
Echo Boy
A Boy Called Christmas
The Girl Who Saved Christmas
Father Christmas and Me
The Truth Pixie
Evie and the Animals
The Truth Pixie Goes to School
Evie in the Jungle
PENGUIN BOOKS
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Copyright 2021 by Matt Haig
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library of congress cataloging-in-publication data
Names: Haig, Matt, 1975 author.
Title: The comfort book / Matt Haig.
Description: 1st. | [New York] : Penguin Life, [2021]
Identifiers: LCCN 2021002981 (print) | LCCN 2021002982 (ebook) | ISBN 9780143136668 (hardcover) | ISBN 9780525508168 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Contentment. | Hope. | Happiness.
Classification: LCC BJ1533.C7 H345 2021 (print) | LCC BJ1533.C7 (ebook) | DDC 158.1dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021002981
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021002982
Cover design: Jason Ramirez
Cover image: Getty Images
Adapted for ebook by Cora Wigen
pid_prh_5.7.1_c0_r1
Do not think that the person who is trying to console you lives effortlessly among the simple, quiet words that sometimes make you feel better.... But if it were any different he could never have found the words that he did.
Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
Introduction
I sometimes write things down to comfort myself. Stuff learned in the bad times. Thoughts. Meditations. Lists. Examples. Things I want to remind myself of. Or things I have learned from other people or other lives.
It is a strange paradox, that many of the clearest, most comforting life lessons are learned while we are at our lowest. But then we never think about food more than when we are hungry and we never think about life rafts more than when we are thrown overboard.
So, these are some of my life rafts. The thoughts that have kept me afloat. I hope some of them might carry you to dry land too.
A note on structure
This book is as messy as life.
It has a lot of short chapters and some longer ones. It contains lists and aphorisms and quotes and case studies and more lists and even the occasional recipe. It is influenced by experience but has moments of inspiration taken from anything ranging from quantum physics to philosophy, from movies I like to ancient religions to Instagram.
You can read it how you want. You can start at the beginning and end at the end, or you can start at the end and end at the beginning, or you can just dip into it.
You can crease the pages. You can tear out the pages. You can lend it to a friend (though maybe not if youve torn out the pages). You can place it beside your bed or keep it next to the toilet. You can throw it out of the window. There are no rules.
There is a kind of accidental theme, though. The theme is connection. We are all things. And we connect to all things. Human to human. Moment to moment. Pain to pleasure. Despair to hope.
When times are hard, we need a deep kind of comfort. Something elemental. A solid support. A rock to hold on to.
The kind we already have inside us. But which we sometimes need a bit of help to see.
PART ONE
Perhaps home is not a place but simply an irrevocable condition.
James Baldwin, Giovannis Room
Baby
Imagine yourself as a baby. You would look at that baby and think they lacked nothing. That baby came complete. Their value was innate from their first breath. Their value did not depend on external things like wealth or appearance or politics or popularity. It was the infinite value of a human life. And that value stays with us, even as it becomes easier to forget it. We stay precisely as alive and precisely as human as we were the day we were born. The only thing we need is to exist. And to hope.
You are the goal
You dont have to continually improve yourself to love yourself. Love is not something you deserve only if you reach a goal. The world is one of pressure but dont let it squeeze your self-compassion. You were born worthy of love and you remain worthy of love. Be kind to yourself.
Nothing is stronger than a small hope that doesnt give up.
A thing my dad said once when we were lost in a forest
Once upon a time, my father and I got lost in a forest in France. I must have been about twelve or thirteen. Anyway, it was before the era when most people owned a mobile phone. We were on vacation the rural, landlocked, basic kind of middle-class vacation I didnt really understand. It was in the Loire Valley, and we had gone for a run. About half an hour in, my dad realized the truth. Oh, it seems that were lost. We walked around and around in circles, trying to find the path, but with no luck. My dad asked two menpoachersfor directions and they sent us the wrong way. I could tell my dad was starting to panic, even as he was trying to hide it from me. We had been in the forest for hours now and both knew my mom would be in a state of absolute terror. At school, I had just been told the Bible story of the Israelites who had died in the wilderness and I found it easy to imagine that would be our fate too. If we keep going in a straight line well get out of here, my dad said.
And he was right. Eventually we heard the sound of cars and reached a main road. We were eleven miles from the village where we had started off, but at least we had signposts now. We were clear of the trees. And I often think of that strategy, when I am totally lostliterally or metaphorically. I thought of it when I was in the middle of a breakdown. When I was living in a panic attack punctuated only by depression, when my heart pounded rapidly with fear, when I hardly knew who I was and didnt know how I could carry on living. If we keep going in a straight line well get out of here. Walking one foot in front of the other, in the same direction, will always get you further than running around in circles. Its about the determination to keep walking forward.