Ferris - Marrying George Clooney
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With some trepidation, author Sherry Halperin reentered the dating scene in 1994 at age 51, several months after her husband of 26 years passed away. At first she thinks the dating game isnt for her, until she gets set up by a friend and begins to feel some long-lost emotions. Halperin goes on 40 dates, which she finds through web sites like match.com, professional services that cost up to $5000, blind dates, singles parties, and more. Each chapter is a short vignette often funny and poignant, sometimes sad, and always candid with a humorous caricature of the featured man.
Though most of her dates can be considered calamities, with partners such as Moose Hat, Turkey Neck, and Rich Old Man, she also dates several younger studmuffins, gets hit on by a woman, and even falls in love again.
Rescue Mehits a nerve by shelling out the real deal on what being single again truly means. As Halperin continually revises her Perfect Man list, she is transformed from idealist to realist, eventually coming to terms with being single. Meanwhile, shes still tackling her inexhaustible dating options with gusto, humor, and an energy that outpaces any 20-year-old dating enthusiast.
Though most of her dates can be considered calamities, with partners such as Moose Hat, Turkey Neck, and Rich Old Man, she also dates several younger studmuffins, gets hit on by a woman, and even falls in love again.
Rescue Mehits a nerve by shelling out the real deal on what being single again truly means. As Halperin continually revises her Perfect Man list, she is transformed from idealist to realist, eventually coming to terms with being single. Meanwhile, shes still tackling her inexhaustible dating options with gusto, humor, and an energy that outpaces any 20-year-old dating enthusiast.
Ferris: author's other books
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Table of Contents
PRAISE FOR MARRYING GEORGE CLOONEY
This book, this perfect gem, makes me want to stay in a midlife crisis forever. Its that good! Funny. Delicious. Poignant. Someday I hope to describe a relationship like thatbut in the meantime, this book is staying next to me on the night table.
CARLA SINGER, TELEVISION AND MOVIE PRODUCER
Amy Ferris is the menopausal David Sedaris.
SEAN STRUB, EDITOR AND FOUNDER OF POZ MAGAZINE
I knew that Amy Ferris was a brilliant satirist, but in this marvel of a book she guides us into deeper and deeper considerations of everything that matters: mothers, partners, friendships, workand the bodys many betrayals. I laughed, but was also moved to tears. Every line was a revelationread it and your thoughts about your own life will be forever changed.
CAROL JENKINS, PRESIDENT, THE WOMENS MEDIA CENTER
Prepare to laugh, cry, and not be able to put Marrying George Clooney down till youve read every delicious page. Breathes there a woman of a certain age who cant relate, especially at 3:00 am.
GLORIA FELDT, CO-AUTHOR WITH KATHLEEN TURNER
OF THE BEST-SELLER, SEND YOURSELF ROSES;
BLOGGER AT GLORIAFELDT.COM
OF THE BEST-SELLER, SEND YOURSELF ROSES;
BLOGGER AT GLORIAFELDT.COM
I absolutely love this book! Amy tells it like it is, she opens her heart and shares her feelings with no hidden agenda. It is very refreshing. She made me really laugh, and she made me reflect on my own experiences with menopause. I could not put the book down, and I did not want the book to end.
DR. SILVIA JIMENEZ KRAUSE, SURGEON, COLUMNIST,
WOMENS HEALTH ADVOCATE
WOMENS HEALTH ADVOCATE
Amy Ferris is the most original voice of memory to come along in the last decade.
CAROLYN HOWARD-JOHNSON,
MULTI AWARD-WINNING NOVELIST AND POET
MULTI AWARD-WINNING NOVELIST AND POET
Marrying George Clooney takes you for a ride into the wacky, wonderful, marvelously moving mind of a modern menopausal woman. Its a no holes barred exploration of what makes ALL of us tick... men and women! I applaud Ferriss tenacity, humor, and courage. Raging hormones will never be the same!
KRISTI ZEA, DIRECTOR, EVERYBODY KNOWS ELIZABETH
MURRAY; PRODUCTION DESIGNER, REVOLUTIONARY ROAD,
THE DEPARTED, GOODFELLAS, AND SILENCE OF THE LAMBS
MURRAY; PRODUCTION DESIGNER, REVOLUTIONARY ROAD,
THE DEPARTED, GOODFELLAS, AND SILENCE OF THE LAMBS
The profundity sneaks up on you in Amy Ferriss irresistible little memoir. One second youre laughing your ass off, because Amy is bitching about her husbands Cialis-fueled sex drive, and the next youre crying because shes curled up on a hospital bed with her dying mother. Ultimately, Marrying George Clooney is so surprisingly radical, because its so frickin real. You cant help but see yourself in Amys wanderings and wonderings, and even forgive yourself a little in the process.
COURTNEY E. MARTIN, AUTHOR OF
PERFECT GIRLS, STARVING DAUGHTERS
PERFECT GIRLS, STARVING DAUGHTERS
Reading Amy Ferris is about laughing out loud, essential reading for peri to post menopausal women and for those who love them. Amy makes you want to tag her online to share your Mommy & Me dementia stories.
JULIE DASH, FILM DIRECTOR DAUGHTERS OF THE DUST,
FUNNY VALENTINES, AND THE ROSA PARKS STORY
FUNNY VALENTINES, AND THE ROSA PARKS STORY
All you need is a dollar and a dream.
New York State Lottery Slogan
(And I would add one and/or two, or three,
great women who believe in you.)
great women who believe in you.)
This book is dedicated to:
JANE DYSTEL
MIRIAM GODERICH
and
KRISTA LYONS
JANE DYSTEL
MIRIAM GODERICH
and
KRISTA LYONS
PREFACE
These are my musings.
My journey.
My personal feelings and my experiences.
The view from my window.
MY LIFE.
My husband has graciously allowed me to share the viewour view. Some friends have graciously asked that I not name them specifically, so I dont. Others were fine and loved being named, and quite a few names have been changed. But in most incidences, names are not mentioned.
And in life, there are often many, many different points of view. I mean, reallyhow many folks look at the exact same painting or hear a piece of music and see or hear something completely different?
I encourage any and all to find a view, from their window, and to please write it all down, share your story, speak your truth.
These are my musings from (almost exclusively) the middle of the night.
MIDLIFE
I think its safe to say that it usually starts somewhere around forty, forty-five. I AM FIFTY-FOUR. I doubt highly that I will live to a hundred and eight. You never know, though. Someone, somewhere can come up with a miracle pill or some sort of reverse-aging serum. But for right now, Im hopeful Ill reach eighty-five. Barring my being struck by a bus at a crosswalk, or shot down by a demented stranger as I stand in line at any post office or a peace rally.
I am hopeful.
For some women midlife equals the empty nest; their children have all grown or are growing up, no longer needing them. Some are finding themselves single after years of marriage or partnerships, divorce, death... and/ or unexpected separations. Some, like me, are childless and experiencing the pain of watching a parent disappear right before their eyes from dementia or Alzheimers. My friend Amy calls this Mama-pause. And for some, its the trifectathe kids are grown, the partners are gone, and the parents are slipping away.
So heres to us: the BOLD, AUDACIOUS, STRONG, GORGEOUS, TALENTED, AND POWERFUL WOMEN who are proving that fifty is fabulous and midlife is no longer a final destination but an express subway stop. We are not just reinventing ourselveswe are in fact reinventing the entire fucking wheel... and some, like me, doing it in the middle of the night.
INTRODUCTION
MEN. OH. PAUSE. REWIND.
Imagine this scenario if you will: Youre in the Holland or Lincoln Tunnelall of a sudden, without a warning, all the lights go out, including all the headlights on all the cars. YOURE STUCK. Theres no going forward; theres no going backward. Complete and utter darkness. And you know in your soul that others are going through the exact same thingbut no one, not one person, gets out of their car. Doors are locked. Windows are rolled up. Seat belts are tightened. Everyone just sits, looking straight ahead, waiting, waiting, waiting. For. A. Light. To. Flicker. At. The. End. Of. The. Tunnel.
WELCOME TO MENOPAUSE.
Exit 36B on the highway called Life.
Perhaps this is a good time for me to rattle off some of the symptoms of my personal menopausal journey. This journey, by the way, began with one step. While I dont consider myself an exercise type o gal, I have been spinning almost nonstop for the past few years. I have been depressed, anxious, forgetful, lost in a fog, angry, and resentful, with an emphasis on angry. I have been filled with tremendous hope and, in the next unexpected moment, filled with the exact amount of despair. I have cried uncontrollably from my gut, and I have laughed from the depths of my soul. I have felt like throwing my life away, as in literally jumping off a bridge. I have witnessed my body grow one full size while sleeping soundly; I have been able to pull and form my new love handles into the same animal-like shapes that I was once able to create out of balloons. I could continue, but I think you get the idea.
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