William Pollack - Real Boys Voices

ALSO BY WILLIAM S. POLLACK

Real Boys

In a Time of Fallen Heroes:
The Re-Creation of Masculinity (coauthor)

A New Psychology of Men (coeditor)

Copyright 2000 by William Pollack

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. Published in the United States by Random House, Inc., New York, and simultaneously in Canada by Random House of Canada Limited, Toronto.

R ANDOM H OUSE and colophon are registered trademarks
of Random House, Inc.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Pollack, William S.
Real boys voices / William S. Pollack with Todd Shuster.
p. cm.
eISBN: 978-0-375-50583-6
1. BoysUnited StatesAttitudes. I. Shuster, Todd. II. Title.

HQ775 .P66 2000
305.230973dc21 00-035318

Random House website address: www.randomhouse.com

v3.1

This book is dedicated to

Marsha and Sarah
who have taught me how to genuinely listen

My parents and grandparents
who heard this boys voice

and

The boys themselves and all who love them
they opened up their inner lives to us, courageously baring
their hearts and souls with genuine voices.
They await our response.

All of the voices contained in this book are derived from my ongoing Real Boys Voices research project. However, names, places, and other details contained in these materials have been altered to protect the privacy and anonymity of the individuals to whom they refer. Therefore, any similarity between the names and stories of individuals described in this book and those of individuals known to readers is inadvertent and purely coincidental. The one exception is the chapter discussing the courageous boys of Littleton, Colorado, whose names and stories have become public for the most tragic and unfortunate of reasons.

Boys voices, for all the reasons explored in this book, do not always easily find their way to expression. It is especially challenging to capture them on the pageparticularly in a book that aims to uncover their deeper meaning and show their relevance to the lives of boys and all of us who care about and love them. Such a work, while ultimately the responsibility of one person, does not reach fruition without the sweat, tenacity, and intelligence of a team of dedicated people. As an author, one is buoyed by the toil and insight of a number of colleagues whose contributions to the workboth individually and collectivelyhelp strengthen its messages and, in this case, create a forum in which those who have too long been silenced can finally have their voices heard and appreciated.

I would thus like to take this brief opportunity to offer my gratitude to some of the people who helped make Real Boys Voices possible.

First, I would like to thank Kate Medina, my editor, whose wisdom, energy, and intellectual support were essential to the making of this book. From her earliest connection with my work through her guidance in the creation of this books older sibling, Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood, Kate has helped to create an important difference in how we think about and raise boys in America and throughout the world. Her editorial suggestions are reflective of the highest order of professional excellence, and her magical eye in organizing, shaping, and polishing this book have had a profound impact. Her skill, sincere dedication to this enterprise, and faith in my work with boys cannot be praised too highly.

Other staff at Random House have also been unceasingly supportive. Most especially, Id like to acknowledge the support of Meaghan Rady, Ms. Medinas former assistant, who from the earliest phases of my relationship with the publishing house always made everything happen. I would like to thank Frankie Jones, too, who ably stepped in to carry the ball when Meaghan made an important career move as we were nearing completion of the manuscript. Random Houses remarkable publicists Carol Schneider, Liz Fogarty, and Tom Perry deserve my praise as well for bringing this work to the publics attention even before its pages were complete. Beth Pearson, Don McConnell, Karen Richardson, and Caroline Cunningham are also to be acknowledged for making the finished product as elegant as it is.

Next, I would like to convey my deep appreciation for the invaluable assistance and support I received from Todd Shuster. Todd devoted immense time and energy to helping me reach out to communities across the country, arranging interviews with boys, helping shape interview transcripts into prose, and honing my written commentary in a thoughtful, sensitive way. Todd has truly become a fellow traveler in the world of understanding boys. His literary skills are only outstripped by his indefatigable enthusiasm and depth of caring about the themes raised in this book. I am proud to have had him along with me on this adventure into the inner world of boys.

I would also like to convey my deep thanks to Lane Zachary, who worked closely with Todd in both improving the precision of this written document and adding her unique creative insights to the process. The book would not have been the same without her original touch.

My personal gratitude is also expressed for the assistance provided to me by Todds colleagues at the Zachary Shuster Agency: Esmond Harmsworth, Kendra Lider-Johnson, and Jennifer Gates did a beautiful job helping me condense, transcribe, and edit numerous interview transcripts.

As part of my research team, I was particularly blessed to have the help of John Butman. John brings tremendous wit and creativity to everything he does. I am thankful for his fantastic job conducting research interviews at several schools, editing this material into essays, and offering his own perceptions about the results of this research. His personal understanding of boys as a loving and caring father only served to enhance the quality of this work. I appreciate the thoughtful assistance, too, of Johns colleagues Charles Moore and Dorothy Crawford. I would also like to thank Susan Lawrence, who showed the wisdom of a master teacher and particular sensitivity in interviewing several of the younger boys whose voices appear in this book.

It would be most fitting to mention by specific reference to their respective institutions the educators, organizational leaders, and grassroots organizers who on behalf of boys contributed so much to the success of this project. However, the need to maintain the privacy and confidentiality of the majority of the boys who participated requires that we merely list them in alphabetical order. This mundane approach does not begin to reflect the abundance of my gratitude, nor does it diminish the meaningfulness of their contribution. I would like to extend my heartiest thanks to: George Armstrong, Susan Batlin, Cindy Blinn, Diane Bohmer, Cindy Bouvier, Linda Cobbe, Jef Conor, John DAuria, Denise Day, W. Brewster Ely IV, Dale Emme, Dar Emme, John Farber, Robin Finegan, Richard P. Fitzgerald, Krystan Flannigan, Larry Frey, Ronna Frick, Jeanie Goddard, Richard Hawley, Shari Hobson, Laurie Hoffner, Michael Jenkins, Brenda Keegan, Matthew King, Carleton Land, Armand LaSelva, Barbara Macgillivray, Carolyn Mack, Judy Malone-Neville, P. J. McDonald, Robert Meikle, Richard Melvoin, Rena Mirkin, Peter Nelson, Vivien Orlen, Margarita Otero Alvarez, Carol Palmer, Gary Porto, Ray Randonis, Gail Revis, Michael Riendeau, John Ritchie, Suzanne Schrader, Paul Stein, Pam Stinson, Vince Sussman, Elizabeth Twomey, Greg Ventre, Robert Vitalo, Glenn Williams, Ken Wilson, Carolyn Wyatt, and Jeffrey M. Young.