Lincoln Kerney - The Art of Social Climbing: A Guide for the Socially Ambitious

A Guide for the Socially Ambitious

L INCOLN K ERNEY

Copyright 2014 Authored By Lincoln Kerney
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 1495441865
ISBN 13: 9781495441868
Library of Congress Control Number: 2014902712
CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform
North Charleston, South Carolina

he purpose of this book is not to hurt or insult anyone. Consequently, some of the names, places, and circumstances have been slightly altered. The purpose is to help those with social aspirations better achieve their goals.

Social climbers get a bad rap. I dabbled myself in the art of it, so I know. They are fascinating to watch. Many fall by the wayside, but others go the whole way and end up as old guard to everyone except the real old guard.

Gus Bailey in Too Much Money by Dominick Dunne

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here are many people who think that those lucky folks who have had money all their livesor money that their family has had for generationsare usually dysfunctional. Really, these people just function in their own world, with their own rules. Every stratus of society, from the very rich to the homeless, has to have rules to keep their world alive and functioning. This only makes them appear dysfunctional to outsiders. Within their own realms, they function very well.

People may think that old-moneyed people are shallow and snobs. Sometimes this is true. But to function properly in the world of old money, which is different from the everyday world, there have to be different rules and standards. It is not just a matter of preserving this world. It is a matter of preserving the hierarchy that has governed humankind from prehistoric times. There has always been a class system, and there always will be. Old money is not dysfunctional; it just functions differently.

The author was lucky enough to be born into a socially prominent family. His great-grandparents arrived in this country in the midnineteenth century. His grandfather lived the American dream and, with the help of his wifes small inheritance and a lot of acumen, founded a business in the Northeast that would carry the family for generations. With his money, civic undertaking, and great charm, he was a natural social climber. The family spent the winters in Palm Beach and the summers at the shore, and lived well.

The authors uncle Tim, unfortunately, married his second wife, Olivia (ne Olive), a woman of questionable moral character. She attempted to be a social climber, but her base character was so ingrained that she failed. She went places, due to her husbands station, but she was never accepted. Fortunately for her, she spent her last twenty years in Palm Beach, where social climbing was almost a sport and where there were many playing levels.

We are living in a time when more vast fortunes are being made faster than at any time in the last one hundred years. Although wealth will open many doors, there are those that will remain closed to new money. These doors, both home and club, are closed to all but those whom the old moneyed feel comfortable with. For some reason, that makes those within these doors very desirable company for a certain type of new money.

There are people who make fortunes, and they are quite happy to spend it their way. The more vulgar the display of their money, the happier they are. They love to build the biggest house with gold bathroom fixtures and have fountains cascading in their front courtyard. They strive for publicity, and when they are photographed, they are wearing clothes that would be at home at the Oscars, glittering with jewels. They dont care if they are crass and common; after all, they are rich, rich, rich.

There are others who make their fortunes and are quite happy not showing anything off. They may or may not move to a better house. When they buy a new car, they may stick with the same make. They are quite comfortable with themselves. Often, they earn the respect of old money for not caring; after all, that is the whole game. They are then in with old money, if they so choose.

And then there are social climbers. Through the ages they have been celebrated on the stage, on film, and in literature. They certainly have nothing to be ashamed of. After all, they are the American dream. It is better to be new money than no money. They were not born with money, but they admire people with old money and want to associate with them. First they have to learn the rules of the game. In the game of high society, all information, both useful and useless, is vitally important. You have to know what to do, how to do it correctly, and where to do it. And you have to know who is doing what and who has done what. It is never too late to learn. If you have reached the zenith of what you imagine is your social dreamland, you still can make gaffes if you are not practiced. Many who arrive unprepared do not retain their status because they have not properly conditioned themselves. Any misstep or mistake can unceremoniously dethrone you. The cruel thing is this: in polite society, no one will ever tell you about your errors. They will note them and discuss them but will let you figure out your own shortcomings. And you may never learn why people dont include you in intimate dinner parties or on group trips. You will slowly be eased to the side, no matter how many parties you have or how well you dress.

To be sure, unless both partners are ready to social climb, it can ruin a marriage. If, for instance, the wife is all about social climbing but the husband works hard all week and wants to spend the weekends jogging and watching television, it can wear their marriage down. Ditto if the man wants to get ahead socially, maybe for business reasons. If his wife is no good at the game, he is lost. Resentment follows, as does probably either an affair or divorce. Usually, even with women making strides in the workplace, women make the social decisions, and the men follow along. It is really up to the woman to make the social connections, even if she is working full time. Other than sports at their club, men dont have many chances to make connections, and even if Joe meets Ben at the club while playing golf, unless their wives know each other, they probably wont see each other elsewhere.

All people are born equal. Money cannot buy good taste and good manners. Old money isnt born with good taste or good manners either. They are learned every moment of every day, from birth until they become a way of life. People with old money are just educated at a different level. They grow up with etiquette lessons twenty-four hours a day. They are often coached in sports, in dancing, in grace, in fine living, and in how to dress so as not to appear that they care too much. It is part of their core. They know where to go and when to go there. They learn what to eat and drink, how to tip, and how to converse. A very important part of social climbing is to remain true to yourself and to be confident and comfortable with who you are. Part of old moneys education is how to be part of the upper class (and yes, there is one) without trying.