Lesley Choyce - Planks Law

Most of my story isnt very interesting, so youll be pleased to know Im going to leave much of it out. I hate it when people tell you a lot of trivial things about their lives. Heres a partial list of what I will not bore you with:

1. Too many details about where I live. Lets just say its a small town near the ocean. Small enough to know a lot of people but not everyone.
2. Why I love old, bad science-fiction movies.
3. Most of my stupid, insane dreamsespecially the ones involving monsters and girls in bikinis.
4. My hopes and aspirations and especially my never-to-be-fulfilled dream of being a marine biologist.
5. My first three girlfriendswell, I thought of them as girlfriends, but they were really just friends or girls I wanted to be my girlfriend.
6. My problems, and there are several, mostly dull and obvious.
7. My philosophy of life.
8. How much money I have in the bankall $1,278.80saved over the course of a lifetime and mostly birthday money.
9. My family historyexcept perhaps the story about my grandfather, who is currently in prison for a crime he committed over a decade ago.
10. My health issues. They say I have a year to livecould be more, maybe less.

But I will begin with a rather significant event that occurred not far from my home. I had walked out of town in my new running shoes to look at the ocean. I was standing high above the sea, with a drop-off of a hundred feet or so. Someone had purposely (or so I was told) driven their car off here not long ago, and I could still see the tire tracks in the green grass. I looked down below at the wreckage of a yellow car. Who in their right mind would buy a yellow car? I wondered. But then, this person obviously was not in their proper mind if they drove off the cliff, right?

Despite the fact that there were some really nasty rocks below that looked jagged and angry, like half-rotted teeth, I was thinking I might just leap out into the air and be able to fly. No wings, no paraglider, no parachute. Just good old-fashioned middle-of-the-night dreams of Superman flight. I was working on my courage and trying to get the right focus. I was pretty sure I could will myself to fly. There was a fine salty mist in the air that pleased me. There were some gulls catching the updraft above the wrecked yellow car. The rocks and the wreck did not scare me, since I was certain I would not end up there. I just knew I was going to fly. I could feel it in my bones.

For practice, I stepped forward, lifted my arms and then stepped back. Forward and back. Forward and back. The gulls beneath me seemed to take the hint and flew off to the north so I wouldnt crowd them out of the sky.

My mind was in a funny place, you might say. At this point I had a 50/50 thing going. Fifty percent of me wanted to follow through, and the other fifty percent was saying I should go home and watch science-fiction movies or videos on YouTube of penguins and whales doing amazing things.

If my memory serves me well, I believe I had decided to do it. To fly.

Or take whatever punishment was due a sixteen-year-old who believed he could fly.

Step forward, arms up. Step back. (I had to stop myself from looking at the yellow car.) I was thinking about something my doctor had recently said in one of her cheery moments, lecturing me about the power of the mind over the body.

Forward, then back. I had the right rhythm, a good attitude. For all intents and purposes, I was ready to do it.

And then I heard a voice. Go ahead, kid. Those rocks are calling out your name. I would if I was you. Why not cut to the chase and avoid all the bullshit.

I turned around and saw this old guy. This really old geezer. He had on a jacket like hunters wear, high rubber boots and a ballcap like something he might have found in the street. He didnt seem to like the way I was looking at him. What? he said. You never seen an old fart like me?

Sorry, I said. Im usually polite around adults. But Ive been trying to change that.

Dont be sorry. Im ninety-three years old, if thats what youre wondering.

I wasnt wondering.

Of course not, chucklehead. Why would you give a rats ass how old I am when youre about to jump off a cliff?

I wasnt about to jump, I said.

Then what the fuck was that you were doing? Tai chi? Yoga? He had a look in his eyes that told me he was probably as crazy as a rabid racoon. But that didnt scare me.

I was just stretching, I said. How lame is that?

Stretching, my ass. Listen, buddy, I can see why you would be wise to make the leap. Ive often thought Im making a big mistake by hanging around, busting my ass, taking shit from everyone, getting nowhere. So lets go back to the beginning of the conversation. I think you should jump. If you want some company, Ill even come along for the ride.

I dont think you understand, I said.

Understand? Of course I understand. You, on the other hand, dont know jack shit about anything, I can tell. How old are you anyway?

Sixteen.

Six-fucking-teen, he said. Give me a break. When I was sixteen I was raising hell. I had life by the balls. And suddenly his expression changed. But then it all went to shit. I should have done then what youre about to do now.

I took two steps back from the edge and stared down at those tire tracks in the green grass.

What, now youre gonna wimp out? All you kids cant commit to nothing these days. Bunch of spoiled brats.

I wasnt about to defend my generation to this old freak. But I wasnt about to let him talk me into jumping either. Its one thing to attempt unaided manned flight with the power of the mind. Its another thing to let a ninety-three-year-old grumpy geezer convince you to end your life.

Fuck off, I said to his face.

He smiled, and I could see his teeth were bad. Like those rocks. Now youre talking my language, he said. Now you got my attention.

He stuck his hand out like he was going to give me a handshake. I didnt know what else to do. I reached out, took his hand. Suddenly he wrenched me toward him, wrapped his arms around me and gave me a bear hug that nearly took my breath away.

Youre gonna be all right, kid. Everything is gonna be okay.