Trevor Dennis - The Circle of Peace

First published in Great Britain in 2015

Society for Promoting Christian Knowledge

36 Causton Street

London SW1P 4ST

www.spck.org.uk

Copyright Ken Lewis and Trevor Dennis 2015

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Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible, Anglicized Edition, copyright 1989, 1995 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the USA. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked RSV are from the Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 1946, 1952 and 1971 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the USA. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scriptures marked GNB are quoted from the Good News Bible, published by The Bible Societies/HarperCollins Publishers Ltd UK, and are copyright American Bible Society, 1966, 1971, 1976, 1992, 1994.

Extracts from The Book of Common Prayer, the rights in which are vested in the Crown, are reproduced by permission of the Crowns Patentee, Cambridge University Press.

Every effort has been made to seek permission to use copyright material reproduced in this book. The publisher apologizes for those cases where permission might not have been sought and, if notified, will formally seek permission at the earliest opportunity.

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British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN 9780281072118

eBook ISBN 9780281072125

Typeset and eBook by Graphicraft Limited, Hong Kong

For Janis and Caroline

Second Commandment

Love your neighbour as yourself.

The trouble is, we do.

And since we do not always love ourselves,

Our neighbour suffers from our handicap.

Strange feelings come from depths we dont

Control, causing us to react, and not respond.

How can we learn to love our dark unknown,

Embrace, accept, forgive what lies within?

Can we believe it is already done?

We are profoundly loved, both in our depths

And to the limit of his love, which has no end.

A starting place, with time and then eternity

To learn its truth. And, in the meantime,

What a blessing for our neighbour, to be

Loved as we (are learning to) love ourselves.

Ann Lewin

Contents

Ken Lewis is a chartered psychologist with the British Psychological Society. Until his retirement, he held a practitioner certificate in counselling and occupational psychology. He was the first person in the UK to be accredited as a cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) practitioner, and practised as a therapist for over thirty years. For ten years, he led the postgraduate diploma and MSc courses in CBT at Chester University. Currently, he is an accreditor for the British Association for Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapies. Ken is a member of St Michaels Church, Plas Newton in Chester and of the Chester Diocese Mental Health Forum. In equal measure, he is enthusiastic about riding his motorcycle, sailing and jazz. He is married to Janis and they have two grown-up sons.

Trevor Dennis taught Old Testament Studies at Salisbury and Wells (now Sarum) Theological College for twelve years, before taking up the post of Canon Chancellor at Chester Cathedral, where he later became Vice Dean. Over the years, he has published 12 books for SPCK, as well as a childrens Bible, The Book of Books , for Lion Hudson. He retired in 2010 but continues to be in demand all over the country as a speaker to Christian groups from many denominations. He is married to Caroline and they have four children and six grandchildren.

We are very grateful to Ann Lewin for giving us permission to use her wonderful poem Second Commandment as a preface to this book, and for doing so in such a gracious and generous manner.

Dr Lynn Mackie, who is both a theologian and a therapist (she is Programme Leader for the Postgraduate Diploma and MSc in Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapies at Bolton University), read and commented on the manuscript before we submitted it. She did so remarkably promptly, and her comments were both encouraging and enlightening. She made us think through many points more carefully, and the book is a good deal better as a result of her work. At the same time, its remaining flaws cannot be laid at her door, but remain the responsibility of the authors.

The illustration in of Sams differentiation between thoughts and feelings is drawn from D. Greenberger and C. A. Padsky, Mind Over Mood , New York, Guilford Press, 1995. It is reprinted with the kind permission of The Guilford Press.

We are grateful to the Movement for Reform Judaism for permission to quote lines from Judah Halevis poem, Lord, where shall I find You? (the poem is included in Meditations before prayer in Forms of Prayer for Jewish Worship I , published by The Reform Synagogues of Great Britain), and to the General Secretary of the Anglican Church in New Zealand for permission to quote a prayer of absolution from A New Zealand Prayer Book He Karakia Mihinare o Aotearoa , the new edition, published in 2005 by Genesis Publications, Christchurch, New Zealand.

Alison Barr, our editor at SPCK, and the whole SPCK team, have been encouraging of our endeavours throughout, from the time when first we discussed our ideas, through the initial trial pieces we submitted for consideration, right through to the final production of the book. We could not have wished for better.

Writing this book together has been an extremely stimulating and enjoyable exercise for us both, and we have learned and gained a huge amount from one another. But it would have been a different experience for us if our wives, Kens Janis and Trevors Caroline, had not been as unfailingly supportive and patient as they have been. Their love has kept us going, and to them we owe the largest debt. This book is dedicated to them.

Lets imagine for one moment that life is very difficult, and you cant bring yourself to talk to your family or your friends about it, so you think youll try a therapist. So you go on the internet, get into www.comparethetherapists.com (this is a fictitious address, so dont try it), choose one you like the sound of, and book an appointment. The day comes and youre feeling nervous. Youre shown into the room, and the therapist gives you a warm handshake and a nice chair to sit on. But then the therapist says, Now theres one thing you should know before we begin. Ive never made anyone better in my life. Oh no! you say to yourself. What a rubbish website! I knew this was a mistake. You start to get up from the chair. Wait, says the therapist. I dont mean Im completely incompetent and youre wasting your time. The point is, we need to become a team, you and I. Youre the one who is going to change your life. I cant do that for you. But I can offer you a helping hand. Thats what Im here for.