Risa Lewak - Dont Stalk the Admissions Officer: How to Survive the College Admissions Process without Losing Your Mind

The following question wont affect your GPA:

Q: Whos happier: the overdriven, AP-inundated American high school student, or the Dayak teenager from Borneo who throws rocks at his own head during initiation rites?

A) It depends on where the Borneo kid is applying.

B) Is rock throwing weighted?

C) Ask me after November 1st.

D) Whats wrong with throwing rocks at yourself?

If you answered A, then you need to chill out about the application process because youre a wee bit paranoid about your competition. If you answered B, then check with your guidance counselor, because chances are rock throwing is not offered as a course. If you answered C, then youre probably locked in your room right now calculating how many more points you need to raise your SAT score to get in early decision. If you answered D, then your parents should take you in for psychological testing.

Youve spent too many nights praying that colleges will think that the summer you fed Cocoapuffs to Buddhist monks will compensate for the 0.00005839 drop in your GPA after AP Physics junior year. Your social life has gotten so bad that youre thinking about asking your SAT tutor to the prom. You cant even have normal fantasies anymoreyour guidance counselor keeps showing up in a black leather bathing suit, gently rubbing your transcript with hot oil.

Who are you, anyway? youre asking. I have a calculus exam tomorrow. Before you go back to Multivariable Calculus (which was actually the real cause of World War I), let me shed a little light on who I am. Basically, I am someone who feels really sorry for younot because youre probably going to fail that Calc exam tomorrowbut because you are applying to college. Other than natural childbirth, waterboarding, and staring directly at Donald Trumps hair, very few life experiences are as painful as what youre going through right now.

I myself was once a grade-obsessed, AP-driven, SAT-defined student who rarely left the house. I spent my senior year dialing (on speed dial, of course) the University of Pennsylvanias admissions office and cajoling some poor sucker who worked the phones into answering questions like, Has my application been read yet? I sent it priority mail. The stamp had an eagle on itI heard the dean of admissions really likes birds. Whens his birthday again?

During that nightmare-inducing period before I got my thick envelope from Penn, I gained ten pounds (the extra chin looked swell in my senior photo), developed an obsessive tendency to write a U on Penn tennis balls, and began to sweat constantly. All that anxiety, angst, and armpit stainswas it worth it? Of course not. But when youre in the midst of applying to college, there is very little anyone can say or do to put things in perspective. I know for a fact that the following platitudes wont even come close to lessening your anxiety:

Life is a lot bigger than applying to college

Wherever you go, youll be happy

There are a million good schools out there

Many CEOs of Fortune 500 companies went to average or below-average schools

Dont stress; it all works out in the end

You dont need a college degree to join the Mafia

I know, there are 2.6 million kids applying to college in this country and the competition is more intense now than ever before. I also understand that your parents are probably just as worried about the application process as you are. The choices are overwhelming, the application is confusing, and, lets be honest, youre waiting for an elderly relative to keel over so that the $200,000 price tag becomes less daunting.

Its easy to plunge into the depths of the hell that is college admissions (its the unofficial tenth circle), but in truth, its possible to put things in perspective and adopt a healthy attitude toward applying. Its even possible to get more out of high school than you think you can. And the more you can enjoy high school, the smaller your therapy bills will be later in life.

High school is a time of anxiety, growth, and embarrassing breakouts. In recent years, it has also become a time of enrolling in intensive Flemish language courses, becoming a nationally ranked tennis player, defusing landmines in Africa during summer break, and maintaining straight Aspreferably by sophomore year. However, the truth is, its unhealthy to look at high school as a boot camp for college; its much better to devote those years to enjoying high school. By the time youve finished this section, youll be springing out of bed at 6:00 a.m. eager to get to class and counting down the days until September during summer vacations.

(This is something you may not have learned in Latin or Greek.) So, youre the poster child of overachievement: the editor-in-chief of the school newspaper, captain of the tennis team, esteemed Mathlete, member of Model Congress and Model UN, vice president of the French Club, tutor for underprivileged kids, award-winning cymbal player, and founder of JASA (Just Another Student Association). All this doesnt necessarily mean youre an accomplished person. It does mean youre going to run out of space on the activities grid on your application.

Many high school students make the mistake of thinking that the more extracurricular activities they have on their college application, the more impressed colleges will be. But before you run off to your biweekly ping pong club meeting (even you know that ones lame), stop and ask yourself whether you actually enjoy all these activities youre pursuing. High school is a unique time in your life to explore your interests and figure out what kind of activities, hobbies, and academic subjects truly appeal to you. If you dedicate your entire high school career to getting into college, youre going to squander four years of precious time running from meeting to meeting in a grim, joyless effort to appear well rounded. Plus, youll miss a lot of Saturday morning cartoons.